I am so thankful.......

Good evening friends! I am sitting here in a quiet house.....all the kiddos are sleeping and Jarrod got called back out to work, so here I am, all alone!! I'm exhausted, yet refreshed from God's presence!!

This weekend was a wonderful weekend, filled with cleaning, family, birthday party, church, worship, fellowship with friends, grilling out and ordering pizza!! Life doesn't get much better than that!!

We had some guests come over after church on Sunday, and it was quite delightful!! Not only did we get to bless and fellowship, but the Lord sent them with a word for us too, well, quite a few words and boy was it encouraging!!

Upon arriving, I gave the grand tour of our home, showing the kitchen, my bedroom, the kids bedrooms, living room, school room, dining!! We worked hard on Saturday cleaning it, so I was quite pleased about that, lol!! After a great visit for a few hours, everyone departed and we got the kids to bed and  Jarrod and I stayed up talking about the days events.

Then the Lord revealed something to me. As I was showing our house, I was almost ashamed that we don't have an actual house, we have a town house. I'm not quite sure why I feel this way, except that I have let others influence what I think I "should" have. Wow, forgive me Father for being unappreciative. I am very fond of our house, in fact, it's HOME, and it's quite cozy! It is plenty big for us at the moment, and often remember that the Lord knows our needs before we even do! Who says I need a huge house, it would only be more to clean!!

As the children were playing out back today, I was thinking about all the things my backyard has been.....a ball field, a track, a battlefield, a house, a pool, and so many other things that my wonderful children and their imaginations have made it! No it's not the huge backyard that I one day long for, but it's mine!!

Our hearts have shifted in our wants!! We want for our next home a small farm so that we can have a garden, some cows, chickens, and whatever else God puts on our hearts! Mainly so we can provide the needs for our family within our own home! But......all that, God put on our heart, so why do I need to rush it? God knows the perfect place that we need to be!

We sit between two elderly couples (both probably in their 80's), who we constantly talk with, laugh with, and help out! I never thought I would speak this way to an elderly man, but I had to tell my neighbor to let go of his trash can so that Noah could walk it to the street for him! He didn't need to walk out there! I asked him if anyone had ever talked to him that way, and he said as a matter of fact, no! I told him it's a good thing that he loves me!! :)

So I know, if nothing else, that God has us here for these two couples!! So I had to do some repenting for not being content and letting what others have said make me think the same thing!! (and quite a few others have told me that I NEED  bigger house!!). I really think it'll be funny if God has us adopt while we are still here!!

And just so none are worried.....it's a 3 bedroom townhouse, the size of a freestanding home....only we don't have to do yardwork, lol!! That is provided!!

So I am counting all my blessings this evening, and I know that I am the daughter of the Most High King, and He meets all my needs according to His riches in glory!! He knows my desires and my needs, and He has the perfect things for me! But I am to learn to be content in whatever state I am!!

So I encourage you.....no matter what voids might be in your life right now, and some have many, many voids.....I encourage you to look at what you DO HAVE, instead of what you do not have! Thank the Father for all that He has blessed you with and trust that He has your best interest in mind! In fact, God has me in Matthew lately, and He took me to Matthew 7:9-11 "Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" WOW.....that's all I can say!! God gives great gifts, and knows when we need them!! Be blessed my friend!!

My wonderful family on our trip to the Apple Orchard!!

Security.....

Good afternoon my friends!! It is very quiet in my house right now.....the children are napping and the rain is falling outside, I LOVE IT!!

God gave me a little revelation last week and I've been trying to put my thoughts together to write this blog!! Not planning on being long winded, but who knows, lol!! I received this while cleaning a house! When I am cleaning, I am alone and the customer isn't home. So what better time to spend talking with the Father! Even though it's work, it's quite relaxing to me, b/c I can actually talk with Him (interruption free) and hear Him! Not that I can't at other times, but there's something about being away from my home and my callings and being somewhere else!! Okay, that said, here goes......

We attend a wonderful church, Southside Christian Fellowship! It's not a perfect church, but then again, there is no perfect church! Everyone/every place has flaws and things to be improved, but that's the beautiful thing....God's not finished with us yet! And by the way, we are the church, not a building! A couple of years ago, Jarrod and I took over the children's ministry. This was definetely from the Lord and His leading! While we have made some changes, I do often long for more, but also trusting in His timing. Do I feel we are doing everything right, by golly no way! But we are diligently trying to seek the Lord on how to run His children's ministry at this church! Okay, sorry, completely bunny trailed there, didn't mean to do that, but guess it was on my heart! Onto the real thing....

We have been at the church for at least 8 years, but Jarrod has been longer, so needless to say our children have grown up here! They should be used to going, right? They should be used to going to class, right? After all, sometimes we are in there with them, we are up there probably more than some are......But they are not always happy about going to class. They have all gone through this, it seems at the age of 3 & 4. Some days they will go in class fine without any kicking and screaming; some days....ummmm, not so much! Sometimes it depends on the teachers, other times they would do it no matter who is in there. With us being in the position that we are, this is really frustrating and rather embarrassing. After all, I should control my children, right? HAHAHAHA, and really not let them be children and express emotion right? I often times find myself apologizing, when in reality I shouldn't, b/c they are just that, CHILDREN! We have handled the "fits" so to say in various ways....we have disciplined them, let them stay in church with us, or dragged them in the class kicking and screaming (yes, I mean literally) and left them there (rest assured, they always calm down).

As some know, I have started homeschooling my children this year. So the question comes to mind, am I with them too much that when I leave them they act this way? Well, I have no other problem with them when leaving them with friends, so I really don't feel this is the answer. Last week God showed me about the security that they have in me. They are, in no way, in danger or a bad situation at church, but maybe they need to be with me. Jarrod recently read a book that talked about the Holy Spirit in them is no younger than the Holy Spirit in us....there is no age on the Spirit! Maybe they need to be sitting in church. Now the way that they communicate this to us is the reason for discipline in the past. We have talked to them about talking with us, not screaming, etc to get the point across to us! Would it be easier for me to focus if they are in class, absolutely, but there is a reason that they want to sit with me and Jarrod.......they feel SECURE.

You know that thing everyone talks about, Childlike Faith. Well, this secure thing, we should grab a hold of it, like our children often do. We are to rest securly in Christ's arms, right? But so many times, we carry burdens that He NEVER meant for us to carry, yet we still do. I'm going to be very transparent here, and tell you a burden that I carry way more than I should.....I think I need to carry the burden of finances. Now yes, everyone has to budget and plan, and we all have decisions to make regarding how we spend God's money (yes, I just said God's money....He provides the jobs that we all carry, and it's His money). We are faithful in tithing (ok, we sometimes fail here, but we have a gracious God), so His word says in Philippians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." So why do I carry this, do I not rest securely in Him that He will provide?

Okay, so now that I have been a bit transparent, I want to share another scripture that God revealed today. I wanted to find scripture on being secure, but I hadn't looked up any yet! I knew what I wanted to write, but needed the scripture! Deuteronomy 33:12 says "About Benjamin he said: 'Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between His shoulders." We are to rest secure in Him, and rest on Him......wow, He's got us covered.

I have a new appreciation for the children wanting to be with me and me being their security......b/c it's a picture of what my walk with the Lord should be like. I need Him and want Him beside me every step that I take, I am only secure when He is with me. So be encouraged, He wants you to rest securely in Him, it blesses Him... He designed us to need Him. Run to Him.....rest in His security! Be blessed my friend!!

The picture is from a recent mini photo shoot we did with the children! Here they ran to me knowing that in me that they would find security.....I love this picture!

Matthew 5:37......

Good evening my friends!! I hope this blog finds everyone well!! I sometimes feel when I write that I am back in the old days writing back home to some family or friends that I am far away from! I really do miss the days of letters or cards. I used to send them often and LOVED getting them in the mail.....hmmmm, maybe I should start that again!! I've been meaning to write for a while, but haven't had much time! So here I am, children are all tucked in their bed and fast asleep at 8pm, Jarrod is working late, and I have a quite and somewhat clean house to myself!

I've had a lot on my mind lately and praying about what exactly I need to blog about, and what better thing to talk about than the thing that God is working on me with!! Hmmmm, being transparent maybe will help someone else through it, not sure, but I'm going to be transparent!

If you know me personally, you know my heart and love for helping others. I LOVE people, and I want to do so many things to help them. In fact, so many times I lay aside my personal feelings/exhaustedness/whatever other emotions to cater to others. So the other day I asked the Lord how much is too much. What if I give all of myself to others that I have none left for me, or even for me to spend time with Him. This is really a tough one, b/c we are supposed to have a servant's heart, right?

Well today, Matthew 5:37 came to me "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No' be 'No'. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." I have read this over and over and I have told my children this several times over and over, lol!! In that people can turn it into much condemnation towards others. Sometimes we are quick to speak, which the Bible warns us about doing, and don't think about the answer we should be giving, or seek the Lord for that answer. Many of times I have had to change my answer to my children b/c I answered before really thinking about what I answering yes too......(like maybe, "Mom, can I go and crack some eggs for you". Me not thinking, sure honey, and as I hear the first egg crack, I think 'oh crap, what did I just tell them?')....So therefore, sometimes we do have to change our answers sometimes. And there are other times where our circumstances may change, so we have to change a yes answer to a no.....(ex. maybe I was to go to dinner with a girlfriend, but Jarrod has to work late last minute, so plans had to change!)..

But today, God revealed this to me in a new way. What if I tell someone yes that I will do something for them, but deep in my heart the answer is no. I really don't want to do it, but I really want to help that person, so I answer yes, b/c I know it will bless them (and this is a BIG lesson in my home lately). So what is my true answer? Hmmmmm, makes you think, right? (ok, sorry, think I am using hmmmmm too much, lol!). A friend helped me understand that with all my willingness to help others is really seeking to please people. Ouch, that truth hurt there. I am seeking to please people. I have such a giving heart, but something else God revealed to me today kinda hurt. I am trying to save different people from things in their life, almost being their saviour. Oooohhhhh, that stinks. There is only one Saviour and that is our Lord Jesus Christ, so who am I to think that I can do that for others.

Now I know that God has given me a love for people, but that doesn't mean that I have to do absolutely everything that they ask of me. Wow, really God, why haven't I realized this before! So many times in my life, b/c I have such a giving heart, I have been majorly taken advantage of! I remember this one time in high school, a friend of mine wrote a note from a teacher to get her boyfriend out of class, as a matter of fact is was 2 notes. When she got caught, she asked me if I would take the blame for one of those notes. I agreed, b/c I wanted her to like me and I didn't think it was too bad. I ended up with detention and having to write an essay, but the principal (who was a family friend) never really thought I did it.....he knew that I wouldn't. So can someone please tell me why in the world I would take the blame? Crazy, huh......So I have had my fair share of getting run over!!

So now, I am having to learn my limits and balance my life. I am in a new season of my life, which I love more than I ever could have thought possible. I am embracing the very things that God has blessed me with, and although it's not all peachy, I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars! The past month of so I have had much chaos in my life, some self induced and some by trying to help others. It has truly interrupted my homeschooling days, and while I know there will be some interruptions, I am trying to decide how much we truly need. It seems the minute I got our chore packs written for the children to do each morning before school, we'll get going for a few days, then something will happen and it will take almost a week to get back on track! Seems kinda crazy how all that works, but it really turns my world upside down!

I want to be used for ministry and however/whatever ways that God sees fit, but my FIRST ministry is to Him, My Husband, and My Children. I seemed to have misplaced that order somewhere along the past few weeks, but I am going to get it straight! I am confessing all this to first off, get it off my chest, and second off to hopefully to have some accountability to learn when to say yes and when to say no!

I once read a devotion that talks about all the good things that there is a chance for us to do. It's learning to look at all those 'good' things and asking God what would be the 'best' for us to do. So many things might be the best, but not at that particular season in our life! I am a person that when I get passionate about something, I run after it full force with so much zeal, b/c that is what is on my heart. So when I am running at 100 different things, I am not truly putting my best into anything that I am doing. When I work, I want to do it as unto the Lord, but I can't give my 100% if I am exhausted from all the responsiblities that I've obligated myself to!

Okay, well I think I've been long winded enough! I pray that this will encourage someone out there and maybe shed some light on something someone else might be going through!! Be encouraged if you are overwhelmed, sit before the Lord and ask Him what His perfect plan is for your life, what all should be on your plate and what should be removed. He loves you so much and has plans for your life, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. And I want to leave you with this last scripture, Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me"......what an awesome thing! Be blessed dear child of God! (leaving you with a picture of the loves of my life, and my wonderful blessings from above!)

Adoption........and why my heart is here!!

Good evening dear friends! Hope everyone is resting in the love and grace of abiding in God's presence!! Today has been a great day!! Church this morning, followed by an afternoon of rest, then playing in the yard (loving this weather) and now the babies are down I can blog and write my heart!! I'm just loving this season that God has me in with being a full time mommy!! I had a hard time at first transitioning in, but now, I know what God created me for!!

A few months ago, as we were getting ready for church God spoke to my heart very clearly that we are suppossed to adopt. As I sat there, I thought "Yes Lord, I'm on board, but you have to tell Jarrod, it won't be me that convinces him". When Jarrod came in the room a few moments later, I said with excitement that God has just shared something with me, but told God that he had tell Jarrod. Then I told him about adoption. His response was "Yeah, God will have to tell me that one, b/c I'm just not sure". So I let it lie and just prayed. About 3 weeks later Jarrod came to me and said "Ok, God told me that we are to adopt". So I was so ecstatic, but know that it has to be in God's timing, not mine....although I am terribly ready!! Shortly after that our conversation turned into talking about a children's home......but more about that later, God's doing some things on that one!!

A few weeks ago, a friend let me borrow a book "The Spirit of Adoption" by Randy and Kelsey Bohlender. Now I already knew that we are to adopt, but Lori and Virgil both told me that this book will tear me up......and boy did it! See, what this couple has done is amazing and they are walking in Kingdom, they are bringing heaven to earth by hearing the Father's heart for these children. I don't want to write an entire book about the book, I recommend b/c it's a great book, but I want to put a few things that really stood out to me!

Psalm 127: 4 says "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth." When in battle, you use arrows, and they can go father than you can go, when they are properly released. When you train a child in the ways of the Lord, he/she will be as an arrow and go out in the world and spread the word....the word that you have trained them in. Wow, do you know how many people we can reach with our children and teaching them walk in abiding love with Christ.

I'll be honest, I used to think that people that had a lot of children were pretty crazy....why would they want that headache? But now, I am ready to trade in my car for a 15 passenger van and train my children for His kingdom. The Bible also says that children are a blessing from the Lord, they are a reward. Why would we not want a great reward. The more children that we have, whether birthed or adopted, we extend our influence beyond the seventy-some years that most people spend on this earth. We reach generations way beyond ours, b/c what we train our children in, our children will train theirs, and so on......We will change the world.

There is so much other stuff I can share about the book, but I highly recommend getting the book and reading it....it will bless you! The song comes to mind that we recently sang at church, they lyrics go...."I am royalty, I have destiny, I have been set free, I'm gonna shape history". I want more children to love on and give a home and I want to shape history....for His glory! So here is my heart!! After reading the book, I decided to look at DHR's website at the foster children in the system and my heart broke even more......the siblings, special needs, teenagers, young children.....all of them.......wanting someone to love them and accept them as they are. After seeing quite a few teenagers, I realized some of my heart for wanting so badly to adopt! So here is the short version of why........

When I was conceived, my parents were not married. They were just 18, having just graduated high school. Several family members, including my dad, wanted my mom to abort me. But she didn't want to do that, praise the Lord, He had/has some big plans for my life!! So they got married, only to divorce when I was about 4 months old. I don't fault them, they shouldn't have gotten married just b/c of being pregnant, of course, they shouldn't have gotten pregnant outside of marriage either. But the word says that He knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb, so praise God, He had a perfect plan!

My mom got married a second time to my stepfather, who adopted me. To this day, I haven't asked the reason for this. I have forgiven my birth father (both for not "wanting" me in the beginning as well as letting another man raise me), as the Bible says to "Forgive others so that you may be forgiven", and I have a relationship with him. My children know him as their grandfather. God can restore relationships!

Through various trials and life, my mom and I have drifted apart in relationship (that's another BOOK for another time, my whole life is a book!), and while I love her, we can't have a normal relationship. We talk occassionally, but it's not what I hope that my daughter and I will have. And please don't judge or think that I am not respectful of my parents, I fully respect. I also allow the Spirit to guide me in my boundaries!

Because of these odd relationships with my parents I don't fully have a place to call home. I have a small hometown that I came from, and that I love to go back to. When we do travel back to Alabama, it's a toss up of two aunts for who we will stay with. The problem sometimes is that I feel like we inconveince them when we come. It's not just me, it's my family of 5. We always have a great time, but I know everyone gets exhausted when we come.... I have 3 full of life children. This is sometimes very hard that I have NO place to fully call home....to go back to.....

As I was looking over the DHR list and picture profiles, I saw numerous teenagers about to turn 18 and be out on their own, and I thought about them and that they have no home, no family. Soon they will be out on their own. I want so desperately to give them a home, a family, a heritage in the Lord and give them the Love that the Lord intended for every child to feel and receive. I'm ready for what the Lord has for my family.....I'm ready to add to our family as many children as the Lord will bless us with....

Jarrod is on board, but we know it's not time yet. We feel God is preparing us spiritually and we know that He is going before us to open the doors that need to be opened. Thank you Jesus that you love us just this much to get it ready! We have talked with our children about orphans and that they have no mommy or daddy. We have talked with them about bringing some home to live with us so that they can be a part of our family, and they seemed excited! One night as we were talking, Noah said "mommy, we can even adopt someone with brown skin". See, my children don't see color, they think we are all made the same, and we are!! We see the heart and not the color! God knows the perfect child that needs to be with our family, and I can't wait to meet them!!

So there is a tad bit of my testimony and my heart as to why I want to adopt!! God has some big things planned for the Thorpe family and I can't wait! I already see Him moving in my family, and I'm beginning to see some fruits of my labor while I am home with my children. I'm not perfect, neither are they, but we have Jesus to forgive us and help us on our way!! Thank you for reading this and I hope it will bless you and encourage you to pray about adoption. I'm not sure that everyone is meant to adopt, but there are so many ways you can help others with adoption and of course you can pray! There are so many babies being aborted everyday and if we just show those moms that these sweet babies are wanted, then we can change their hearts!

I'm leaving you with a few pics from a recent trip we took to see some dear friends! We went to the beach and it was so wonderful!! Be blessed!!

You're Never Giving Up......Thank you Jesus!

Hello my friends!! I hope this finds you all doing well!! I have had so many things on my heart to share, but haven't!! Tonight as I am cleaning the kitchen and having worship the Lord stirred my heart so much! Forgive me if I seem to babble or seem a little out of it.....I am caught up in the Spirit right now!! I want to start off with prayer first for the one reading this, so here goes....

Father,
I thank you for your unfailing love and mercy. Thank you for your forgiveness and grace that you pour out on us each morning! I ask that you pour out many, many blessings over the one reading this, I pray for a refreshing in their spirit, that they will feel you in a deeper and more intimate way. Thank you that your word says that the joy of the Lord is our strength, so I pray that joy over my friend.....they will have new strength like no other by the joy that you bring them. I pray that no weapon that forms against them shall prosper, but they will have victory over their enemies. Speak to my friend as they lie down at night, give them a peaceful and restful night's sleep when they lay down, let them rest in Your arms trusting that You love them so much more than they could ever fully realize. Send them dreams and visions revealing your perfect plan for their life. I thank you for loving us so much that you sent your son. I praise you and love you. In Jesus name, Amen.

I want to start off with sharing the words to this new song that we have completely fallen in love with....it's part of why I feel so out of it right now. It's by Jonathan David Helser and it's called "You're Never Giving Up". The first time Jarrod played this song for me, I just teared up and wanted to fall over like a baby and cry. I cannot begin to even fathom His love for us, and that He never gives up on us. Okay, here I am tearing up again.....so here are the words!

-Your love, it never quits, it never stops chasing my soul, Before I was even in my mother's womb you knew me, you loved me. Even in my sin Lord, you wouldn't stop. Everytime I'd run away you'd come chasing me. Papa, you won't let go of me, even in my sin and even in my mess. I turned and started coming home after I'd wasted your inheritance, you jumped off the porch and with a ring and a robe, you came running for me. You never stopped, you just grabbed a hold of my soul, you said my son's come home, let's throw a party for him, he's home. He once was dead, he's alive; he once was blind, now he can see. My Father, what can I do to say thank you? to say I love you? I give you my heart, my soul, all that I am. You came running for me. You've never given up on me. Your love never fails, it never ends, you never stop chasing my soul. So I break open this bottle, I break open my heart and I pour it all on you Lord, I wanna waste my life on You, you are so worthy, you gave it all, I wanna give it all, every drop, my heart bleeds for you. Every tear that I weep, you come down and catch and say this is the one I love. I don't care what people in the room say, I only wanna please you to see you smile, to make you happy. I just want to spend the rest of my life loving  you. You don't stop loving me, I can't stop loving you.....and so it goes on.....-

This song is so beautiful and really speaks to my heart everytime I listen to it! I want to share now how this completely ministers to me.....

I haven't always had the best/easiest life, but I have a wonderful Father in heaven who has grown me from the past and my hurts, mistakes, and disappointment. I'm sure there are so many other emotions I could list, but will stop there! So many of my relationships have been based on my performance, and what I could do for that person. I have learned, though it was hard, that my parents and the ones raising me did the best they could with what they knew how to do. Things spoken over me, they didn't realize the death their words had. We are to speak words of life, and we ALL at times forget that. When I read the bible and the story of the prodigal son it just melts my heart when I think this is how God is with us. Even when I disobey, turn my back on Him, don't walk on the path He wants me on......He runs to me when I come home. He's constantly chasing my soul, yearning for me to be abiding in Him constantly......Wow.....He loves me without expecting anything in return, but He longs for that fellowship. There is no relationship based on expectation, or when I fail, He doesn't say "No way, been there done that, not doing it again". Instead He says " Welcome back my Beloved, I've missed you and I love you so much, let me share my heart with you". I pray that I can be this kind of parent to my children. I sometimes forget and I get disappointed with my children and don't want to be "nice" to them, but boy am I so wrong in this......Father, help me.

I just want to encourage you that no matter what is happening in your life, no matter what you have done, what has been done to you.......God wants all of you! He wants you to abide with Him in a daily/24/7 relationship. He wants all your hurts, pains, tears, love, worship, victories, brokeness, disobedience, everything, every emotion you could think possible.......He wants all of you! He will run to you with a ring and a robe and throw a party for you......it will be the best party you have ever been to when you rest in Him....I pray for you and that you will encounter God in a new way. He wants you back......He forgives you, He loves you, He's there with His arms wide open and ready to receive you.....Run to Him

I added a picture of a lighthouse. This particular one is from a beach trip we recently took. It sits in the middle of the water. I see you as a lighthouse surrounded by water. You may think this isn't good. Just picture the water as God's love surrounding you. You can't move any way without His love being wrapped around you. You are the light sitting in the middle of it, shining this love that He has for you over others!! Okay lighthouse, be encouraged!! I pray many blessings over you!!

Good evening friends!! I'm not real sure what this is going to be exactly about, but I felt like writing! I've been in this mode lately where anything, I mean ANYTHING can tear me up. I don't feel like I am a usualy crying kind of girl, but maybe I am turning into one!! Good things make me cry, bad things make me cry, sad things make me cry, my kids make me cry, God makes me cry just at the thought of His love for me and my undeserving self! Wow, I'm just tearing up thinking of all those things....arg....

On facebook I've joined the group "You know your from Eclectic if...". Eclectic is my small, one stop light town, that I grew up in! I loved it in so many ways, yet I was biting at the bit to get away from it for more than one reason. As I'm reading some of these things, I'm remembering so much of my childhood and high school days, just reading those things and it brings such a smile to my face. So much of my childhood I have blocked out, b/c it wasn't always a picture perfect family....in fact it was quite the opposite. I feel God has been so gracious to allow me to hold on to the good things from those times and the others....well, they are lost somewhere in God's hands so I don't have to hold on to them! So this bit that I am reading on facebook just makes me smile....about the sweet Coach Brown, who left this earth far earlier than anyone would have liked, and how everyone knows everyone's business, the pep rallies on fridays and hanging out in the parking lots. So much of that I sort of wish I could give my children, those seemed like pure and simple days. But the truth is....life isn't what it was back when I was young. God has put such a burden on my heart to protect my children and train them in His ways, and I'm going to go after this steadfastly.....yes, even on the hardest days!

So I'm going to rewind back to the magazine I referenced last night "Above Rubies" and add some more. The article that I am going to reference is called An Overflowing Land. I am going to give a lot of scriptures here and maybe share what they mean to my life! Joshua 1:9 says "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Isn't this great, He never leaves us....He doesn't just put it in our hearts and tell us what to do, but He actually goes with us every step of the way! Another thing said here is "God does not leave you to mother your children on your own. He is right beside you, backing you all the way. He is with you constantly and watches over the walls of your home. His eyes are always upon you in your land of motherhood, 'from beginning of the year even unto the end of the year'(Deut 11:12). You can call upon Him at any moment. He is your source of widsom and daily strength-and His resources never run out! You will be amazed at how you cope when you take your eyes off your problems and turn them upon the Lord! The psalmist proclaims, 'Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me' (Psalm 138:7). Often our difficulties don't go away, but God has promised to revive and refresh as we go through them!"

Another one......"Our land of motherhood should always be enlarging (children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren). It's interesting that Satan wants to minimize the literal land of Israel, or hopefully eradicate it from the earth. He knows if He can do that, He wipes out the Bible which is filled with prophecy for Israel. He also works to minimize the land of motherhood or diminish it altogether. He hates life and tries to stop it every way he can. But don't let your land be diminished-you belong to a large land." I've realized the lie that the enemy has been spreading in my head over the past 6 years.....oh you have to work to help support the family to do you part. My job, that God has made clear several times, is to be a mom and wife. My "job" is to train my children in the way of the Lord. Psalm 127:3-5 says "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." I want my arrows to be sharp in their knowledge and relationship with the Lord....most importantly their relationship!!

It tickles me pink...yes I just said that....when I hear my children say "thank you Lord". It's so cool when you go to the store, and God decides to give you a special kiss that day and you get a close parking spot! So I'll just quietly say "Thank you Lord." Well the kids have picked that up and they say it whenever we get any parking spot!! They do as I do!!

Jarrod and I had some announcements to make Sunday at church regarding the children's ministry. Jarrod does the talking b/c I don't like being in front of people on a microphone! While watching a slideshow from our fun water day, the Lord kept pressing on my heart to share, so I told him to hand me the mic!! I shared what I had witnessed in my children with the way they treated each other, and how it warmed my heart, b/c I knew that I was getting something right, b/c they were doing things that Jarrod and I do. Then other times I see them doing some not so good things, and it made me sad. Our children have us as their guide.....and what they see us do, they will do. If we dance before the Lord, they will dance; if we spend time in worship and prayer, they will; if we sit and watch tv all day, they will also. They mock us, so we need to make sure we realize that the training goes beyond our words. What's important to us is important to them!!

Okay, well that's enough for now. I've rambled some and this may make absolutely no sense, but I am no longer teary eyed, feel a little weight off my heart, so I think maybe this ministered to someone!! I'm leaving with a picture from our anniversary weekend away at Toccoa Falls. I will be blogging about it soon, but still need to gather all my thoughts!! There is a great book "Dam break in Georgia" about the actual dam break in 1977. I recommend reading it and I have a copy if you would like to borrow it! It was such an uplifting thing to read about this town that lost 20 children and 19 adults (I think was the totals, forgive me if wrong), yet through it all, they gave thanks to God. They never lost sight of this.....such an amazing testimony!! I know God brought us to this little town, but I'm getting a head of myself, that's for later!! Anyway, here is a BEAUTIFUL picture of the waterfall, not sure the picture does justice, but it's beautiful and so peaceful. Both Jarrod and I could really feel the presence of the Lord, and heard Him more clearly than either have in a while!! Be blessed!!

I love when God speaks to my heart!!

Good evening!! It's almost midnight and although I planned to write this tomorrow, Jarrod just got called out to work, so I figured I would go ahead!! I will go ahead and warn you.....this is going to be a long winded blog!! I have so much that God has stirred up in my heart today, and I just know that it will encourage someone, or maybe it will just encourage and remind me!! I want to hold on to moments like this!! Okay so here goes!!

I'm going to start with this evening! I decided that I was going to FINALLY plant the seeds that a friend gave me....oh let's see, probably 2 months ago!! Before doing that though, I wanted to weed the front real good and trim the bushes, which we have a lot of!! So I am pulling and clipping and I came across quite a bit of briars in so many random spots. We've never had these before, but I'm convinced that God put them there for this specific reason! As I am pulling them up, I learned real quickly (I know it doesn't take a rocket scientist) to pull the part right at the ground as to not get pricked, b/c that there hurts!! I was thinking about what I was doing, pulling all the bad and unattractive things away from the front. Also, I warned the kids not to touch those because those would hurt. As I am going through a change of seasons in my life, I feel like God is doing some "gardening in my heart". He is pulling the bad, unattractive, and hurtful things away from me, so that He can replace them with some beautiful seeds to bloom. This takes time and even the "pruning" that He does may hurt. But it was such a sweet thing to experience this. Many of the weeds had some hard deep roots and didn't want to come up, but I had to keep pulling harder and harder and actually cutting some of them. I feel like this is happening in my life.....there are things I don't want to let go of that God is saying to let go of, and He's having to work a little harder for me to realize. Not that God forces us to do anything, He loves us so much that He gives us a choice! But He sure loves us so much and knows what is the absolute best!! So I am going to quite having those roots, and the things that He is weeding out of my life I am going to let go and release to Him.....sigh, deep breath.....this isn't an easy thing. I do have to keep reminding myself that I have released things......especially people. I think this is one of the hardest things to release.....so many times we have friends and family that are such big parts of our lives, but we realize that they are only there for a season.....even with this realization, it often hurts.....but we have to trust God knows best......and HE REALLY DOES! So that was my gardening insight tonight!! I think God has given me a new love for this, for I know He has more to show me as I do it.....and it can be science for my children!!

Okay, back to my morning!! It was a pretty good morning, although I've been a little easily teary eyed the past couple of days.....think it might just be hormones!! My sweet friend, Lori, called and said she had something to drop by and it was a magazine called Above Rubies. She thought it had a few good articles that I would be interested in. Can I just say that God spoke to me in so many ways through these different women's testimonies!! I'm going to share the ones that jumped out at me and spill a little of my heart along with them!! To start off with, these are a few of their comments that they daily leave on facebook, speaking of, I need to add them on there!!

What is our attitude toward children? Even though we love our children we can often be irritated by them. Jesus said "Whoever receives this child in My name receives Me, and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me" (Luke 9:48). Isn't it amazing that God says the attitude we have towards children is the attitude we have toward Him? And I wonder what God thinks when we don't want to receive His children?" (All I can say is WOW.....I need to work on my attitude a little more towards my children)

Isn't it strange how opposite our culture is to the example Christ set? He said "Let the children come to me" and yet our society continually looks for ways to get the children out of our way. Set the tone by enjoying every child that crosses your path today and in this way you will also be following Christ's example.

Okay, so here were the two that stuck out the most above, but there were many, many more that I really liked!! Okay, next reality...God opened my eyes to realize this, and it was through an article, but I'm not going to share the article, I'm going to share my heart!

When I got pregnant with Jonah, our 3rd child, Hannah was only 5 months old. I had c-sections, so the drs were really concerned about me having another one so close. I let them "scare" me initially, but the Lord really shone through with every detail of the pregnancy and Jonah's birth! I know God has some big plans for him.....for all my children for that matter. With having 3 c-sections, we had to make a decision, and felt pressed too b/c of the drs. We prayed about it and felt at peace about having my tubes tied. I now, so many times, wonder if that peace was merely fear of continuing to have children after so many c-sections, b/c we let the "world" affect us and our thinking. As I sit here I can't help but cry and wish that I could go back and have a "do over" and not have that done. I'm quoting the girl from the article in saying this...."Despite many blessings, there are days I experience overwhelming sadness. I grieve the children I refused to have". I feel this way so often and it took this to realize what exactly I was grieving. I was too focused on my business, my body, our finances, everything except what God wanted for us. I don't beat myself up, but I do grieve. I do believe that God will give us another chance of multiplying by adopting....we don't know yet the time that will take place.....but we both feel it. I sometimes think if I would have had more children, maybe we wouldn't adopt, so that child might not have a home.......but I still grieve for those children that I refused to have......So now that I have been completely transparent and finally "confessed" all this, I can move on.....

I think we so many times get so wrapped up in the "picture" that we see of our lives and what will fit in that picture, and not see what God sees, and His "picture"......God help me to see what You see...

This other lady encouraged me with something she read. You know being a stay at home mom/wife is such a hard job. You lay your life down for others, but what a beautiful picture of Jesus this shows! Sometimes we try to get so busy in ministries and trying to do for the Lord and forgetting that when you have a family, they are to be your FIRST ministry! Here's the statement that she said "If God wants you to be a homemaker, and you spend your days washing dishes and changing dirty diapers, then by fulfilling His plan for your life, you are worshipping God." Today I really had to "lay" my life down once again.....and realize this is what God has called me to do, and it does honor Him that I am fully committed to training my children in the ways of the Lord!

Okay, there's so much more I want to share, but the next bit is quite long....so I will save it for another night!! I pray that you will be blessed and encouraged in reading this. I pray that as you come and go that your steps will be blessed and that God will use you in a mighty way as you take steps of faith and learn to fully walk in the trust of Him!!

Here are some pictures of the kids......one is waiting on the reptile man....and a few of the kids swimming! My babies have become like fish....the love to swim underwater!! I am so proud of them and their new confidence in swimming and in the water!! Noah's had the confidence for a while, but this is new for Hannah and Jonah....who only a few months ago didn't want their faces wet, lol!! Well, I've had 2 children join me and I hear another approaching my rooms, so I guess I should head off here and get some sleep!!

New Strength Rising up........

Good Sunday afternoon friends!! I am sitting here in the kitchen listening to my children play together (I love that sound), my dishwasher going and my brain going a mile a minute!! I have so much on my heart and thought this would be the perfect time to sit down and put it all into words!!

A week ago a friend brought me something at church. It was a word that the Lord had given her for me. It said "there is a strength in me that God is bringing out. I have prayed for Him to take me to a new place in Him and He says Yes! But I must know it's by His strength in me, not my strength!" I loved this and thought wow, I'm really excited about it! The next day I received a phone call with another friend from church who had a dream that she felt she needed to share. In the dream she dreamed it was my wedding and I was at the reception cutting the cake. I was concerned that I wouldn't have enough cake for all my guests at the wedding, but she was helping me get all the things together. In the meantime, my husband, which is also my Father, was out buying me a gift....a brand new beautiful bedroom suite. She tried to help me focus on this beautiful gift that He had bought me instead of worrying about the cake. She then interpreted the dream for me. God is taking me to a new place of intimacy with Him, a place I have been desiring to go. I have a lot on my plate, but instead of focusing on how I am going to divide my time, energy, etc on the things on my plate, I need to rest in Him, in this new place of intimacy. WOW.....God is moving me into a new place of intimacy with Him and giving me a new strength.....thank you Jesus!! I am going to continue going from glory to glory!

Well, today I am experiencing some of that strength! If you know me, you know that the one thing that makes me feel good each day is my bed being made....I know, crazy, huh? When we woke up, Noah wasn't feeling too well(more about that in a moment!), so we decided to stay home. He wanted to go rest in my room alone, so I let him and went and loved on him and doctored him up some! I decided since we were home, I was going to make the best of it, and just be in a place of rest today, which is what we should on the 7th day. So I began playing with Hannah and Jonah and we were dr's and patients and just had fun! Then Noah joined us and we had a few broke legs that we had to "cast" up, etc. Then I just let the kids have at it and have fun! They ended up in my room, with my bed unmade, which is usually a big no-no! I don't let them play in my room, it's my place, I want it kept in order. But it didn't bother me, at all....wow, what is wrong with me? I walked in a few minutes ago to find toys on my bed, bed shuffled around, toys on the floor, and clothes/toys in my bathroom. I told them to have fun, just not mess with my stuff and stay out of the closet. I know this is a really long story for just a simple fact of......God is working on me and my heart and giving me a new strength! The little things that annoy me have no reason, I have to relax!!

Now here is my confession, but don't judge me. Last week was horrible. I guess PMSing and hormones (sorry if any guys are reading this!), but I had a real hard time enjoying my kids. I told Jarrod to pray for me b/c by Thursday I felt really bad about this. I love my children and will do anything in the world for them, I just didn't want to be around them! We went and did some things with friends and had fun, but at home, I wanted them to do their own thing and I wanted them to leave me alone! I am finally past that, woohoo!! I do think we all need breaks and time away! I am having to get used to being with them 24/7, I'm used to them being in preschool or with a sitter while I worked....this takes a lot of self sacrifice being a mommy all the time!! Sometimes I do envy the moms that go to work, although I wouldn't trade what God has me doing for the world!! I only have a wee bit of time to mold them into what God wants them to be molded into!! Training time is so important and I will grasp that with my very being!! So I hope I'm not completely abnormal and I didn't just turn any readers away!!

Now onto Noah Jack! He has been having this problem ever so often with his tonsil swelling up and getting a low grade fever. The doctors said if this continues he will have to see the ent and have his tonsils and adnoids removed. Now I know this is a very routine procedure and I have nothing against those that have done it....I don't have mine anymore, they were removed when I was 2! I just am not at peace about it. I'm not sure why God has me uneasy about it, but I am! So we are believing for a complete healing. Noah told me yesterday that God can make him better than any medicine can......oh the faith of a child. I do believe that he spoke his healing into existence!! A week ago I read the benefits of coconut oil, not only to cook with, but the many, numerous others! One of these being throat infections. I don't believe it was coincidental that I read this....so here we are trying this natural remedy!! We might also try the chiropractor too and see what might happen!! But we are believing for a complete healing!! All that said, we were joining a group from our church going to IHOP (International House of Prayer, not the pancakes!). I have been really excited about this, b/c I have yet to go and have really been looking forward to it for me, and for the children to participate in the children's activities! But I decided to not go and let Noah rest! He is much better now, but I don't need to push him. The thought crossed my mind to go and just keep trecking, but how selfish of me that would be! I think he needs to rest and the best place is here! So thank you Lord for helping me not be selfish and want to give to my child, more than my own wants and wishes!

Recently I had 2 friends, from completely different necks of the woods, one in Alabama and one in Georgia, mention Proverbs 14:4...."Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; But much increase comes by the strength of the ox." Now we have no ox here, but I do have children and all I can say about this is "wow". I like that word alot, lol!! My children are little for only a season and it's okay if my house isn't featured on Clean House!! The Lord has set this time aside for us to be a family and "train" them in the things of the Lord! My prayer through homeschooling is that we will create a bond so tight in our family unit that nothing that the enemy tries to do will tear it apart. This family is one that the Lord orchestrated and we will play music unlike any other! I do believe in the power of prayer and the Lord being the foundation of the home. I pray that we will always live this way and that any idols will be set aside and layed down. I recently had to confess to the Lord that I have put the computer and tv above Him.....that's a hard pill to swallow, confessing that. So He is helping me overcome that and put Him back on top where He belongs!!

I want to encourage you today to rest in the Lord.....that's what this day is about. While I missed going to our church building, we still had church here! We are the church, what we go to is just a building. While it's good to have a corporate worship, don't get caught up in that. Be the church. I'll leave you with my favorite all time bible verse Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Just trust......God will never let you down!!

Sorry if this was all over the place, just had some things on my heart!! Blessings to you today!! The pictures I left you with are Jonah playing in the pool, Hannah and her friend Katie at VBS, Noah playing in the back yard, and my silly "big kid" Jarrod playing at Water Day at church!!

Girls, girls, girls!

Hello again!! Just had one of my muffins and they are pretty good!! Not sure I used enough lemon zest, but there's always next time!! I enjoyed them, even if my family doesn't!! And they are all "clean" ingredients, which is a major plus!!

Ok, onto my girls title.....sheesh, why do we have the emotions that we do? I'm not sure if I'm alone in my feelings, but sometimes I feel like I am!! I am too sensitive at times, I have to "keep up" with others and have the latest things they do, or better yet one up them so I look like I have it more together than they do, we always want to get that last punch (I mean word) in there b/c we don't want to seem weak, feeling the need to defend ourselves, when our defender is truly God. We go running to each other about our life situtations and drama, only to have them help us hype it up more than it should be. We often times don't want to speak the truth into their lives b/c we don't want to step on toes.....good golly Miss Molly!! So many more emotions that I can't think of at the moment, only speaking current things in my life!!

The true one we should run to is God. I often find myself wanting to call and tell someone about something that happened instead of running to the one who ultimately has the answer. Prime example.....got my feelings hurt yesterday (a stupid thing), b/c my parenting was criticized by a close friend. This friend wasn't doing it in a mean way, and I am quite sure she didn't mean it the way I took it (PMS can mess with all of us at times), but I had to vent and get if off my chest and express my hurt feelings and get someone to justify my feelings. So I called mom and she always makes me feel better!! Then I had to tell Jarrod and another friend, you know I just had to let people know that I got my feelings hurt and I wouldn't do this to anyone else, hahaha! I mess up too!! What is wrong with me......why didn't I run to my Father, who heals all wounds, who would make me feel like I am loved, accepted and received (motto at my church!), but no, I need others to make me feel justified in my feelings. While yes, it's okay to have a "safe" person to talk to, there is no need to have lots of "safe" people, b/c then it just turns into gossip!  And people can't fix our problems, God can and will if we allow Him into our lives to do so! There are times where He puts someone on my heart to go to at that particular time, and I do b/c maybe the Lord has given them wisdom with a particular situation that I am going through. I will learn to run to the Father first and foremost......I am going to keep repeating this to myself and speak it into existence!!

Why do friendships as adults have to be so hard....expecially with girlfriends? What happened to the good ole days when friendship was just pure and simple, families got together and "hung" out and fellowshiped and built each other up......they were there for each other. This is so hard to find now a days.....at least in my world. I have many, many friends, many of which I can call on in a moments notice and they will be there for me, and I appreciate that more than words can express!! The family friends thing is where I struggle. How can I be so close to people, without it being a family thing. My family means so much to me, so why wouldn't I invite a friend and their family to become family friends, instead of just "Amy's" friends? I'm realizing that I am going to have to cut some of this out and although it might be a tough thing, I have to do what my heart is telling me! Does it mean I'll never have a girls night again, absolutely not! But I do want my family, as a family unit that God created, to have active family relationships with people that uplift us, encourage us, and are there for us. Isn't this what God created human beings for? We are to be there for one another. The thought keeps crossing my mind......it's not all about me.

I am entering a time in my life where my life will be my family, and while yes, I'm sure we'll get tired of each other at times, we are family! We are there for each other and we will surroud ourselves with likeminded friends!! Okay, off my soapbox.....just needed to get out some of these feelings and maybe others that are going through this can rest in this.......God is there for us, always, never a moment goes by that He doesn't think about us or want us to call on Him. I have to remind myself of this often and often I do forget! I don't want this blog to be about just venting, I want there to be a solid answer and uplifting thing to go along with it! God knows my desires and requests and I know He has a perfect plan for my family. My job is to sit in His presence and listen and follow and obey!! I hope I don't scare anyone off by being "real", I too struggle with many things in my life and it's only with God's grace can I get through them! Bless you all today!!

blah, blah, blah!

Good afternoon! Been meaning to write for a while, but haven't stopped long enough to do so!! So get ready, cause it might be a long one, lol!! As I am typing, I have lemon muffins in the oven! They are starting to smell good! It's my first time making them, so I'm hoping they turn out good!! The last ones I did were banana muffins and they were a huge hit around here!! Will definetly be doing those again!! Hannah is asleep and the boys are suppossed to be, but at the moment they are talking in their beds!! Sweet brotherly bonding I guess!!

I have a sad heart today. One of Jarrod's co-worker's lost her son on Saturday. He was 16 and when they went to tell him lunch was ready, he was slumped over. They did CPR until the ambulance got there, they worked on him for a bit, then the hospital tried for an hour to get him back, with no avail. After an autopsy, they found out he had a blood clot that ruptured in his brain. My heart just breaks, I can't imagine how this mom must feel, her only child is now gone. The really sad thing is that the mom and dad don't know the Lord. I'm not sure where the son stood, but I pray that he is in heaven. Jarrod and I were talking about this how we feel there is a purpose for this happening. God's hand is on everything. I pray that through this the mom and dad will see God's love for them in a way they never had before, that their spiritual eyes will be opened. This has been 2 young men recently that have left this earth so early in life, and I just can't wrap my brain around it. I don't question God as to why, there are reasons, whether it be from freedom of choice or possibly to bring light to someone else, or a million other reasons. But nonetheless, it's very saddening. I just look at my babies and just want to hold them even tighter!

Okay, on to something lighter!! I had plans this morning to do homeschool.....fail!! I slept a little later than I intended, the kids got to playing, had a couple of phone calls that I needed to make/take and here it is naptime!! I was watching my children as I was making my lunch (they had already eaten, you know they eat first, lol!), and they amazed me. I was watching as they played pretend mom and dad for about 2 hours, nicely I might add!! Jonah had "a wreck" and the dad had to take him to the hospital. The compassion that Noah had on Jonah was overwhelming. Children do what they see adults do. The most inspirational adults in their lives are their parents! When I saw my children doing the things they were doing playing together today, it made me feel a sense of pride (in a humble way!)! They are treating each other the way that they see us treating them!!

This makes my heart swell with joy, b/c I don't always feel like a "great" mom!! But I know that my children are soaking up the things that I am sowing into to them! One of the things that I wanted to do today was do Bible/art together, where we will make the fruits of the spirit and talk about them. I think when they wake up from naptime we will!! But here I am watching them walk in the fruit of the spirit, how amazing is that!! As I was watching and realizing how much I have been stressing homeschool, I realized that the things they are doing, is in a way homeschooling!! They were working together as a team to figure out problems and doing it loving manner!! Yes, I will be teaching them academically and they will be prepared for college or whatever path they choose, but most IMPORTANTLY, Jarrod and I are teaching them to walk with the Lord. This is my book is more important than anything else, and to see the fruit from it.......WOW, is all I can say!! Does it mean they are perfect, hahaha, no!! But they are getting it! After all, I'm not perfect either!!

I really am getting excited about homeschooling!! And I'm finding myself getting quite defensive of it if someone says negative things!! I not saying it's for everyone, every child is different and has different needs/learning styles. The thing that I don't like to hear people is say "I'm just can't homeschool my children". That's like saying you can't "parent" them. Whether parents like it or not, we are their primary teachers in life. Like I said, I'm not saying it's the answer to all, it's just what we feel God has for our family at the present time!! I just really get frustrated when people are closed minded to it.....I was there once myself, lol!! I remember saying that I will not be a homeschooler, but guess what, God had other plans for us!! I personally feel that it is so important to prepare the children spiritually at this time in their life, especially b/c they are like sponges soaking up everything.....good and bad. So yes, I feel the need to shelter them from the ugliness of the world, in order to prepare them with the TRUTH of God's word so when they step out in it on their own, I feel like I have prepared them, which is what training a child is all about. Okay, off my soapbox!! This is my place to vent, b/c I would never "attack" someone over what they believe. My parenting got somewhat "criticized" the other day, and it hurt my feelings, but I'm just going to shrug it off and move on! I know that I fail often times on my parenting, but I also know that I am getting things right and I have good children!

I had so much on my heart and now I am at a loss for words, I guess that means I can share more later!! I have a Noah Jack who doesn't seem to want to nap, so I guess I can go and snuggle and possibly get him to drift off to dreamland!! Blessings to you all today!! This picture is from Father's Day!! I love these guys and gal more than words could ever express!!

Continue to be amazed by my Father's love.........

Good afternoon friends!! I have been thinking all morning about this blog and what I was going to write, actually writing it out in my head, and now.....can't remember any of it, lol!! So I will just start where my thoughts start!!

Saturday night we went to a small group "Two or More Gathering". We have never been and it's led by a beautiful woman, Margie Doolittle, that we have known for a few year. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and had spent more time with Margie when we lived with her, and really learned from her. Her heart from the Lord and hearing Him and ministering to others.....it really blows me away. A lot of things I see that mean so much to her, really mean so much to me, so it's awesome that God has allowed our paths to cross again!! God sure does know what He is doing.

Okay, off my bunny trail and onto the story, lol!! We did a little swimming and eating and fellowshiping, then down to business. Worship, scriptures and words from the Lord. Can I just say that I was tremendously blessed. I have been needing some refreshing and have been getting tid bits here and there, but I was really blessed this night. I felt the Lord's prescense in a way that I have missed, made some new friendships that I'm excited about, and look forward to the next meeting. When they have someone new come, they like to pray over them and see if the Lord gives them a word. I (almost always, yeah pretty much always!) cry when someone gives me a word, b/c I know that it's God speaking something special to me! I was good when Margie gave me a word and when Julie prayed over me with homeschooling, but when Becky spoke the word the Lord gave her to me, I just cried. The word had to do with the Lord being pleased with me and how good of a mom I am and how well Jarrod and I flowed together with our parenting, etc! Okay, can you see why the tears are there, still!! (and now my memory is coming back to me abour earlier and my head writing, lol) Jarrod had a great word given over him too and we both left feeling an edifying of the body and just completely refreshed!! My boys felt so at peace there that they fell asleep!!

As we were driving home I was sharing with Jarrod about crying, and something dawned on me that I've never admitted to him. I don't feel like a "good mom". I'm sure we all have these feelings at some point or another, but this is something that constantly weighs on me. See, I didn't have the most consistent example of being a mom as a child, so I really don't know how to be. (I'm not knocking my mom, as I learned in a healing class, she did the best she could with what she knew, physically and spiritually.) I have this "fear" that if my children don't act perfect or misbehave or aren't quietly sitting, listening to every word spoken that it will be a reflection on me and that I don't know how to parent. I forget that they are CHILDREN, and 6, 4, and 3 years old at that. I realized that I am entirely too hard on myself as a mom and wife, and too hard on them and letting them be children. WOW, what a relief to get that out! I know that I'm a good mom, but all too often, I forget! Now that I've admitted it, God can start the healing, woohoo!!

Now that is out, I can move onto other things.....my need for perfection! I have in my head that this is how my day should look: kids get up around 8:30, play nicely without any arguements, have a nice lunch quietly at the table talking about a few fun things, take a nice 2 hour nap (being layed down without needing anything else or calling my name 1000 times before falling asleep), then waking up, playing nicely together, maybe watch a little tv, without arguing when I turn it off, while mommy prepares a 3 course dinner for our family and we have a nice sit down dinner with pleasant conversation, followed by bath time, book time, prayers and worship, then bed, without any reluctancy. CRAZY, huh? I've this all in my head for a while, so I feel like quite a failure when this doesn't happen, lol!! Which it NEVER happens for those of you wondering!!

So again, now that it is out I can work on it! No, my house is not perfect, nowhere near perfect actually. As I look around I see numerous toys laying around that I wonder if they were even played with or just chunked out here by Jonah! Yesterday morning I woke up to a chair fort, all my dinning room chairs covered with numerous blankets, and guess who can fold blankets, that would be me and Jarrod, no children!! I 'm learning to "get over" the disarray of my house, b/c you know what? Every day my family works on a 10 minute tidy together, getting the house back in order!! It's a beautiful thing to see teamwork! I'm having to learn that it's okay if they only play with a toy a minute and then move onto other things, it will get cleaned up! I do try to teach them to put it up once they are done playing with it, but that usually doesn't happen, even I'm not always that way!!

So God has exposed some new things in my life that I need to work on, and I'm excited about learning to walk in His ways. You know where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom, and I'm looking forward to learning how to walk in that!! Looking forward to what God has in store as He is transitioning us in our lives right now!!

Noah and Hannah have just woken up, so I am off to spend a little time with them reading!! Oh, started this awesome homeschool book this morning, that the beautiful Lori Simms let me borrow. If I wasn't completely convinced of homeschooling, I am now!! I had a hard time putting the book down, but household chores had called my name!! I will be diving into it a little later this evening!! Hope you all have a blessed afternoon!! I'm leaving you with a picture of Jarrod and I when we went hiking a couple of weeks ago! I love this man with all my heart and am so excited about what all God has in store for us!!

There is freedom.......

Good morning! I am sitting here this beautiful morning with a completely quiet house! My children spent the night with a friend and it was a nice little break for me (it's been a while!)! I've missed them and didn't quite know what to do with myself this morning.....A little quiet time with the Lord, but what is that once you've had 3 children to entertain each morning and no complete alone time!! I turned on a little worship music and did some housework and made a couple of phone calls. After that I figured it was time to sit and rest in Christ!!

I'm sitting here listening to "Just like You" by Jason Upton, in fact, just started it over!! It talks about the Freedom of the Lord. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. If you are tired and thirsty, there is freedom. Wow, we have freedom where the Spirit of the Lord is, and that is here in my home!! The Spirit resides in me, in my home, in my family. So there is freedom! I decided to just lie on my back and bask in His greatness. As I layed there and just entered in, my cat (that annoys me often!) comes over and starts rubbing up against me, almost laying on my head, just looking for some affection. Oh my goodness how God loves to speak to me visually, I'm such a visual person! I realized that I am her master and she wants love and affection to me and when I layed on the floor, I made myself open for her to come and sit with me and for me to love on her! That is God to us all the time. He is always ready and open and available for us to come and sit on Him and rest on Him and get all the affection that we need. All we have to do is be ready and willing to take that step to sit at His feet! He never forces us, but we know that He is always there, ready for us! And while my cat drives me crazy and does things that I really wish she wouldn't do, I love her and open my arms to her to love on her! We are the same way, falling and making some pretty big mistakes, but God's arms are always open! Thank you Jesus!!

I am walking through this book....."Becoming the Woman I want to be" by Donna Partow, and it's a 90-day journey to renewing the spirit, soul and body. I started this book last year, lol, only getting through day 2!! So I picked it back up and am now on day 12! I'm not consistent everyday with it, but pick it up as I feel God is leading! Each day that is a few parts to it, and one is a Guided Prayer that I felt like it would be appropriate to share! Here goes:
Dear Lord, I thank you that you are a forgiving God. Sometimes I picture you up in heaven recounting my sins or rolling your eyes when I make the same mistakes over and over again. But, Lord, you Word says taht when I confess a sin you remove it as far as the east is from the west. You choose not to hold my sin against me. I thank you that you are not an exasperated parent. You don't roll your eyes at me the way I do when I'm exasperated with my children or other people in life. I thank you that you abound in love-you have plenty to give and your supply can never run dry. I know sometimes I wear my loved ones out reciting my lithany of woes. God, help me to become more positive in my communication with others. Knowing that you never weary of hearing my prayers and listening to my cries for help gives me a wonderful outlet. I don't have to lay my burdens down at the feet of my family and friends; I can lay them all down at your feet. Lord, help me to remember to call on you, rather than calling on people, in my times of trouble. I know you will always answer me. And the answer you give will be just the right answer: filled with wisdom, love and compassion. Thank you Lord, Amen.
Wow, talk about a prayer that I truely needed!! I made couple of mistakes this last month, that have been repeat mistakes. I have been beating myself up over how to make it up to God. Yes, I realize this sounds stupid, but I have been trying to think of how to make it up!! God is a FORGIVING God and he forgives my sins when I confess them........thank you Lord!!!

Now I'm off to have a little more worship before picking up my blessings!! I feel more refreshed after a break and pray that I will be like a new mommy today completely sowing the things into my children that are of God's kingdom!! Listening to this song from "Onething" and want to leave you with this........I have a purpose, I have a destiny, You made me for your glory, You made me for you Glory!! No one else can love you like I love you, Lord, cause I was made unique in Your heart, I was made to bring you Joy!!


Bless you today...as me and the children always pray, use us for Your glory today!! Let God use you for His glory today!!!

Saddened Heart..........

Good evening my friends!! Hope you all have had a great day today!! It's been quite a day!! Started off early with a trip to the gym!! Great, but intense workout!! Trying to like spin a little more, but it sure does kick my booty, lol!! I figured the more I do it, maybe the more I will like it!! We'll get there!! Went early enough that I got home around 9am, to start off my day with the family!! Finished the evening off with a great birthday party and some fun times with friends!! Had a great time talking about the Lord and some new doors being opened!

After arriving home from the gym,  Jarrod got ready to leave to make a run to the dump. He walked out to get something, then very seriously walked inside and said I need you to come outside with me. He told the kids to stay inside, not to come outside at all. I had no clue what I was walking out to. We live in a townhouse, so we have a lot of "close" neighbors! As I walk away from our front door, I see about 5 cop cars about 100 feet from our house and an ambulance. Now lately b/c of a few things here and there (i.e.kitchen fire, someone falling, and allergic reaction), this hasn't been unusual. Jarrod told me that there was a body found in a driveway up the road. My heart just sank.

I called a neighbor to get more info, and we kind of made guesses at what could have happened. All that we knew is that there was a good bit of blood and the police said that it didn't look like an accident. I didn't know the young man, but had seen him a few times pulling in or out of his driveway. This was a young man, around 22 years old who was found dead. He has been known for going to clubs and bringing home random guys, so we guessed maybe that turned violent. After waiting for the coroner/GBI/whoever else needed to come, they covered everything and began working. I think the final conclusion was that he had been drinking and doing drugs (possibly on some drugs for medical reasons also), and he walked outside and went down the hill falling into the neighbors car and falling on the concrete, and not making it. Not sure all the details exactly, but I think this is about it. The police tried to get everything cleaned up before his mom arrived b/c that could be so horrifying. His body lay there for a while, and while it wasn't viewable really from my house, I did see them cover the body. My heart is just breaking for this family and I can't get this out of my head. As I type this, I am tearing up as a mom. As I was helping my children clean up toys today, I looked at all of them, and I thought "man, about 20 years ago, his mom was doing the same thing with him". How could she have know the paths he would have taken and the choices that he would make? So hard, all I can do is pray. Every time that I would get my bible out to read, I couldn't, all I can think about is the mom..... Also, found out that she has another son, 15 years old, who not too long ago moved in with his dad. He got busted at the end of the year for having drugs at school.....So heartbreaking.

My prayers sincerely go out to this family and that God will open their eyes and just grab ahold of them. I have to admit, that I started praying over my children even more as the day went on today. I never want to see any of my children go through the things that this mom is having to deal with. I claim them for God's kingdom and I will fight with all my might to make sure of that. I know that I have to let them go and make decisions, but by that point, they will know nothing but the sweetness of God's love and mercy.

I was thinking about how many people grow up going to church and when they get older they turn away from it. This is because parents are only taking them through the motions, they aren't teaching them to walk in relationship with God. Many adults don't know how to walk in a relationship with God. I had a pretty crappy childhood, but God is good! I learned at a young age to cling onto God, b/c He was the only stability that I had in life, and I knew no matter what, His love was unconditional. So my prayer is that by mine and Jarrod's example that our children will know what it means to walk in relationship with God! When you are in relationship with Him and not just going through the motions, you can't just walk away from Him, b/c it's a loving commitment that you won't want to survive without!!

So I ask that each of you pray for this family.....it's such a heavy burden right now. I really can't get the image of the little I saw out of my head. God knows what this family needs and I pray that the young man knew the Lord. It breaks my heart to think of the possibility of such a young life going to the pits of hell. But this is a reality that we all need to face.....if someone doesn't know the Lord, that is where they will go. I don't know where he is standing now, but I do pray that he is standing in the Lord's presence. I pray a revelation over the younger brother that he will just turn his life around and start chasing God with his entire being. I pray for the neighbor who's driveway he was found in.....that she will have peace as this is a tramatic thing to walk out and see. I pray for any and all involved. Can you tell I am so bothered by this? And so close the our home......a place of peace and where the spirit of the Lord resides.

It makes me kind of feel bad that I haven't gotten out and gotten to know any of my neighbors. Why haven't I witnessed to this young man, why haven't I shown him the love of Christ? Lord, help me step out of my comfort zone and do these things. We all get so complacent in our lives and wrapped up in our "stuff" that we forget to get out and let our light shine. Father, awaken us to take this world for Your kingdom..... I'm tired of being in a place of complaceny, and I sure don't want my children to walk in this....Help me Lord!

Okay, now that it's all out, maybe I can go get some rest and have some peace. I was okay this morning, but after going to the parties and coming back home to the peace and quiet of the neighborhood, my heart starting stirring. How can we go back to the normal, something completely abnormal happened today. This mom's life will never be normal again. This is something that could have been avoided had this young man of known the truth.....man, sorry, I can't quit! Okay, I pray that you all will hug your loved ones tonight and let them know how much you love them and let them know of the truth....God's love for them!! Blessings to you all!!

God willing.......

Good morning!! I am sitting in my room with a sleeping Jonah while my other two children are playing!! Jonah had quite a bit of a meltdown a bit ago, getting quite ugly to me, so I realized that he needed to rest!! Of course I realized this after he sat in timeout and after he got a spanking.....I know, mean mommy, lol!! I just came over and sat him in my lap and started praying over him! It was a rather sweet moment! I pulled out my notebook of scriptures and began speaking them quietly over him, while running my finger along his face!! He slowly drifted off to dreamland until Noah and Hannah busted in the room announcing their fly trap! I wasn't too amused and asked them to leave while I got Jonah to sleep!! This just makes them want to come in here more and more!! Finally accomplished sleeping and now a little time to ponder things!! Of course I still here voices right outside the door where they want to be constantly near mommy!! This is a sweet thing, but sometimes annoying!! I set a boundary about 5 feet from my door and asked them to play nicely for a few minutes while mommy has some God time!! So far, so good!!

So I am thinking about my grandaddy, MJ Mullins!! Some may know him and if you do you are a better person for it!! I love Grandaddy! An awesome man of God! He rises early, spends time in the word and with God, and goes about his day! When Memaw was alive he would get up each morning and after his time with God, he would cook her breakfast, even though he was eating Corn Flakes!! Now that's an awesome husband!! The example he has lived sometimes brings me to tears b/c of his love and devotion to others! I miss him a lot and don't call nearly as much as I should! I know one day he will be in heaven with memaw and dancing around with Jesus, oh what a sweet thought! One thing particularly that always sticks out is something that he says. He always says "God willing". Example: If you say, alright grandaddy I'll see you tomorrow, he says "God willing". Never really understood this until reading James 4:13-15 "Some of you say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to some city. We will stay there a year, do business, and make money.' But you do not know what will happen tomorrow! Your life is like a mist. You can see it for a short time, but then it goes away. So you should say, 'If the Lord wants, we will live and do this or that.". Wow, we aren't promised tomorrow! I'm trying to remember to use God willing with things I say. I make plans quite a bit, with 3 children you kind of have to plan things!! But I know that we will do them if God is willing to let us!! This bit of wisdom is something that I always heard starting at a very young age and didn't realize the lesson behind it!! Even in grandaddy's words, he is speaking scripture, withouth shoving it down someone's throat......such love and example there!! I love my grandaddy!!

On another note, a scripture that really stuck out to me when praying it over Jonah was Phil 2:3-4 "When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead be humble and give more honor to others than yourselves. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others." Oh Lord, forgive me. I often times tell my children this, but completely forget this as a child. A couple of weeks ago, I got interrupted while getting ready for Hannah's dance recital! My elderly neighbors' phone went out and they came to ask for help! I'm usually ready to help, but I had 30 minutes to leave and was a little irritated. But I love them and couldn't not go to help them. I messaged Jarrod and told him to remind me that this world is not about me. I have to do this often, in fact it's something that has been in a spirit for a few months now......IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. I did help my neighbors and felt better for putting myself out of the way, lol!! It's so easy to get irritated b/c our lives get some kind of interruption!! Sometimes I think God puts those there to slow us down, take our minds off ourselves and just rest in Him. Thank you Lord for your mercy and kindness and gentleness at doing this!!

Okay, well I guess I should get going! Noah and Hannah are waiting for me to come "help" cleanup so we can go swimming with some friends!! We will let Jonah off the hook this time so he can rest, lol!! Hope you all have a wonderful and blessed day!! Remember, whatever you do today, find a way to bring God glory!!