Good evening friends!! I just got the kids to bed and figured I would sit down for a bit and blog! I don't think I've had anyone directly come out and ask me this question, but I've heard others ask....why Ukraine?
Here's our adoption story and how God has put all the pieces together:
A few months ago God spoke to me in an awesome way! Our family was getting ready for church, I was drying my hair and Jarrod was in the shower! As I was drying my hair, God told me that we are going to adopt. We had said it before in passing, but never seriously! My heart starting racing and jumping for joy, but I also realized that I can't be the one to tell Jarrod....it had to be God! When Jarrod got out of the shower, he realized I was all giddy! I told him that God had shared something with me, but I knew that God would have to tell him. He wanted to know, so I told him to which his reply was "Ha, yeah He'll have to tell me!"About 3 weeks later, Jarrod came to me and said, "ok, we are suppossed to adopt."
We started talking about how we want to go about it, and decided that we should adopt here locally because there are so many children here in the United States that need homes. We also wanted to adopt younger children. We wanted Noah to be the oldest, and didn't want to interrupt our birth order. But we also realized it wasn't right now that we are to adopt, so that would give us time to find that child in our age range! I'll be honest and say, I was upset when Jarrod told me now wasn't the time.....I told him if we were pregnant, we'd have a baby.....but He reassured me that God had said it wasn't time.
So we talked with Noah, Hannah and Jonah about adopting these children that don't have families, or a mom and dad. Their hearts became burdened for these forgotten by the world, so we daily began praying for the children that we will adopt! They prayed for them, we prayed for them that God would prepare our hearts as well as the children that we will adopt! This was awesome because the childlike faith is amazing!
In my connections from the past on facebook, I realized that a friend and his family were in the process of adopting some handsome boys from the Ukraine. I messaged him and told him how excited I was and that we would be praying for them, and shared our desire to one day adopt! A few weeks later my friend contacted me to let me know that a ministry that they were involved was bringing a group of orphans from the Ukraine. (This is how they found their boys!) He said he thought Jarrod and I would love being houseparents! All you do is go in and love on them and be parents to them for a few days! We were a little concerned b/c of the language barrier, the children speak Russian. But we prayed and felt like we should move forward!
It turned out that Christmas weekend was the only weekend opened, so we took it! We really didn't know what we were getting in to! We came in completely intimidated, but within a few minutes, we loved all the children! I won't give all the WONDERFUL stories that we have to go along with our time with them, but those may come later! ;) But I will say, our world got turned upside down. We fell in love with a beautiful girl, who God gave us a love for.
We didn't go looking to adopt, in fact, we were completely against adopting older, so we knew we would be "safe" b/c the youngest child in this group was 8. We went just to love on some children and we ourselves learned what love truly is! I'm so excited and honored that God has called us to this. My heart breaks at the thought of ANY child being without a family.....both locally and in other countries. We are all called to different things and the most important is to follow the will of the Father. His will for our family is to adopt this beautiful 13 year old girl, and it has been confirmed in MANY ways! I sometimes find myself questioning whether this is to be (of course quickly realizing it's crazy to question), only to get another confirmation!
Not everyone understands, not everyone agrees, many don't want to talk about it, and if I start on it, I get so excited that it's all I want to talk about! We aren't doing this to please anyone, to get applaud, or for selfish reasons, we are doing this because the Father has turned our hearts to the ones the world has forgotten! My prayer is that we will keep adopting, keep being able to love on these children that need loving. It's not cheap, it's not easy, it's hard, you learn patience.......but it's so worth it! We are only beginning, but God has already been there with us every step of the way, and I know that He will continue to be!
Most that know us, know that we aren't "rich" with worldly things. However, we feel very "rich" with the things of the Lord! We don't have the money to do this, but God does! This has been a very humbling thing. I've always been so independent, and do not like asking for help. But I have to ask for help. But God showed me something really awesome yesterday. We aren't asking for help for us. We are asking others to join in to what the Lord is doing! You are doing the Lord's work when you bring her home, not Jarrod and Amy's! How awesome to be a part of God's work! I'm really overwhelmed at the love that friends and family have poured out on us! The support has been overwhelming, the donations bringing me to tears, and the encouragement wonderful!
See, I seriously could go on and on!! Through all this, God is showing me quite a few things in my life! I'm learning to love my own birth children in a new way, learning who really believes in me and supports me, and unconditional love.....among other things! I'm learning not to defend myself, for there is nothing to defend.....we are following God's plan for us! We can't get ahead of Him, and we can't make things happen!! All of this is out of our hands.....we are COMPLETELY WALKING IN FAITH! A wonderful spiritual growing experience this has become!!
Thanks for listening to our story. We hope that through this we will be able to minister to others, and help others realize the need for what God has called us to "to care for the widows and orphans" James 1:27. We are to be His hands and feet, and He is the Father to the fatherless, so what are we waiting for?? Be blessed my friends!!
My sweet family!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Digging in the past.......
So, beginning this adoption process has been, for the most part, an easy thing! There have been mounds of paperwork, lol!! But we are moving right along, which brings so much joy to our entire family, b/c that means we are one step closer to bringing our daughter home!!
I have to admit, the homestudy, while mostly easy, has some pretty tough things in it! Like these wonderful things called self studies. We have to answer questions about ourselves, like.....what kind of mom are you or would you be.....describe yourself.....what's your role in your home......there was a total of 8 pages of these kinds of questions......which equals NOT EASY! You don't want to pump yourself up to sound like a saint, b/c we all know that no one is......but you don't want to sound like a horrible mom! You have to find that perfect balance! Thank goodness for a WONDERFUL social worker, who interviewed us prior to these, but in simpler form, so we were somewhat prepared for our essay of self studies!!
Then there was the interview about childhood......hmmmm, can we say a little dysfunctional? As I told her a few things, she just sat back. I said, let me tell you my story, then you go from there and type what you need! I told her that I was sorry that I had such a crazy life story, but she said I wasn't alone, that she's had plenty of others with a dysfunctional childhood! Some may know, life wasn't perfect as a child, but then again, who's childhood is perfect!! I'm praying that my children will experience a more stable childhood, and at this point, they have! My children have a mother and father who love them with all their heart and soul! We've dedicated them to the Lord, for they are His, and we've only been allowed a certain amount of time to train them!
Now, I'll go back and say that I was conceived out of wedlock, when my parents were fresh out of high school! I was an uh-oh baby to them, but I was not to my GOD. Some wanted my mom to abort me, one of which was my father (some think I should harbor anger at this, but I have forgiven him just as the Bible instructs us to). My mom chose life, for which I am so grateful for! When I was about 3 or 4 months old, my parents divorced. My mom remarried when I was 4, and my stepdad adopted me. My brother and sister were born a few years later, and life for all of us changed drastically.
With many different sicknesses and diseases, my mom was in and out of the hospital for about the first 8 or 9 years of my brother and sister's lives. So therefore, I stepped up many times to playing the mom role. I ended up leaving home at 18, and it wasn't a good leaving, but I left. I'm now 32, and all I can say is I am thankful that I am not who I was.
I was the good girl, the one that many wanted as their own daughter. The Lord graciously gave me a few spiritual moms, who helped me along life's journey. I also realize I was a major people pleaser.....God's still helping heal me from this!! There's so many things I could say, but I'll just say this.....my childhood wasn't perfect, but I am who I am b/c of many of the things from it. I know what dysfunctional looks like, therefore, I know how to keep my family from it (or at least the things I saw).....I know what divorce looks like and a marriage not unified, therefore I work even harder on my marriage, b/c I know things to keep from........I know how control and manipulation can make a child feel, therefore I will not be this way towards my children.......I know what emotional abuse feels like, therefore I will not abuse my children.
I recently went through an inner healing class and one of the things that we learned is that our parents did the best they could with what they knew.....based on what their parents had taught them. I don't fault anyone, I don't blame anyone. I'm not saying things were easy, in fact, at times they were very hard. The Lord has been so gracious to let me forget many, many things......and if you ask me for specifics, there are very few that I could probably name for you! But I also have realized lately that there is family from my past that harbors much anger and unforgiveness towards me.....and it hurts. Recently I have had many personal attacks in a public forum from a family member that should love me. This is a hard one to swallow, when this person really doesn't know me.....or the person that I am today. They hold on to the past, and can't seem to let it go. I've kinda had it though....so today I emailed (because they cleared stated they didn't want to talk with me) an apology. I have done everything the Father has instructed me to, now it's up to them whether they will harbor bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. I'll be honest.....I not real sure what I am asking forgiveness for other than general hurting of feelings.....but I felt like the Lord said do this. I want to be able to stand before the Father in the end and say that I have done all I can to be found blameless.
I'm not perfect now, and have never been! I'm thankful that the Lord is moving me along in my walk with Him. And just when things start moving forward, the enemy is there to slap me in the face with something else to drag me back. I will not listen to the lies of the enemy that says I am a horrible person. I know that I am a child of the most High King, and I will walk victoriously!
So all this preparing for adoption is bringing up many more things other than the current things. I do believe that God is allowing this to help me to heal and move past the past! I believe that He is showing me things that are still in my heart.....some good and some (honestly) not so good! I have a choice....I can shelve it, like I seem to have done for the past 14 years, or I can face it head on with the Lord and His Word. His Word says that I am new creation in Him, that the enemy has no place over me, and so many, many other things! I'm excited to bring this out, so that I never have to visit this hurt, frustration, anger, pain, belittling again!
I just needed to unload a bit....my heart was hurt today, but I have a wonderful healer named Jesus that is mending it as I write, He is refreshing my heart, and reminding me that I am created in Him. I am His daughter and I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I can also do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!! So who am I to argue with Him.....God created me after all!! I fall, have many times, and will many more times......but He picks me up and I keep trucking!! I boast in my weakness, b/c I am nothing without Christ!
I pray for anyone that is reading this that you will ask God to search your heart....and reveal any hurt, anger, unforgiveness, or unworthiness that you may feel......and that you will release that to Him, and allow Him to heal you....and in turn heal any hurt relationships that you may have in your life. In Jesus name.
Here is another picture of our beautiful family! I realized that my blog is about 5 faithful Thorpes.....I might need to change the title.....or keep it up, b/c one day I believe that we will have 5 children or more!! For now it's 4, and that makes my heart jump for joy! One more tidbit.....our sweet girl has been sick and in the hospital. I sat our children down last night and talked with them about it, and how we really need to pray for her......this is their sister and our daughter, just like they are our children. They all individually prayed for her, and it was so genuine and loving, and it blessed me so much more than I can fully put in to words. They already see her as their sister and love her as such.....they are all ready for her to come home, and so are we! Good night!
I have to admit, the homestudy, while mostly easy, has some pretty tough things in it! Like these wonderful things called self studies. We have to answer questions about ourselves, like.....what kind of mom are you or would you be.....describe yourself.....what's your role in your home......there was a total of 8 pages of these kinds of questions......which equals NOT EASY! You don't want to pump yourself up to sound like a saint, b/c we all know that no one is......but you don't want to sound like a horrible mom! You have to find that perfect balance! Thank goodness for a WONDERFUL social worker, who interviewed us prior to these, but in simpler form, so we were somewhat prepared for our essay of self studies!!
Then there was the interview about childhood......hmmmm, can we say a little dysfunctional? As I told her a few things, she just sat back. I said, let me tell you my story, then you go from there and type what you need! I told her that I was sorry that I had such a crazy life story, but she said I wasn't alone, that she's had plenty of others with a dysfunctional childhood! Some may know, life wasn't perfect as a child, but then again, who's childhood is perfect!! I'm praying that my children will experience a more stable childhood, and at this point, they have! My children have a mother and father who love them with all their heart and soul! We've dedicated them to the Lord, for they are His, and we've only been allowed a certain amount of time to train them!
Now, I'll go back and say that I was conceived out of wedlock, when my parents were fresh out of high school! I was an uh-oh baby to them, but I was not to my GOD. Some wanted my mom to abort me, one of which was my father (some think I should harbor anger at this, but I have forgiven him just as the Bible instructs us to). My mom chose life, for which I am so grateful for! When I was about 3 or 4 months old, my parents divorced. My mom remarried when I was 4, and my stepdad adopted me. My brother and sister were born a few years later, and life for all of us changed drastically.
With many different sicknesses and diseases, my mom was in and out of the hospital for about the first 8 or 9 years of my brother and sister's lives. So therefore, I stepped up many times to playing the mom role. I ended up leaving home at 18, and it wasn't a good leaving, but I left. I'm now 32, and all I can say is I am thankful that I am not who I was.
I was the good girl, the one that many wanted as their own daughter. The Lord graciously gave me a few spiritual moms, who helped me along life's journey. I also realize I was a major people pleaser.....God's still helping heal me from this!! There's so many things I could say, but I'll just say this.....my childhood wasn't perfect, but I am who I am b/c of many of the things from it. I know what dysfunctional looks like, therefore, I know how to keep my family from it (or at least the things I saw).....I know what divorce looks like and a marriage not unified, therefore I work even harder on my marriage, b/c I know things to keep from........I know how control and manipulation can make a child feel, therefore I will not be this way towards my children.......I know what emotional abuse feels like, therefore I will not abuse my children.
I recently went through an inner healing class and one of the things that we learned is that our parents did the best they could with what they knew.....based on what their parents had taught them. I don't fault anyone, I don't blame anyone. I'm not saying things were easy, in fact, at times they were very hard. The Lord has been so gracious to let me forget many, many things......and if you ask me for specifics, there are very few that I could probably name for you! But I also have realized lately that there is family from my past that harbors much anger and unforgiveness towards me.....and it hurts. Recently I have had many personal attacks in a public forum from a family member that should love me. This is a hard one to swallow, when this person really doesn't know me.....or the person that I am today. They hold on to the past, and can't seem to let it go. I've kinda had it though....so today I emailed (because they cleared stated they didn't want to talk with me) an apology. I have done everything the Father has instructed me to, now it's up to them whether they will harbor bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. I'll be honest.....I not real sure what I am asking forgiveness for other than general hurting of feelings.....but I felt like the Lord said do this. I want to be able to stand before the Father in the end and say that I have done all I can to be found blameless.
I'm not perfect now, and have never been! I'm thankful that the Lord is moving me along in my walk with Him. And just when things start moving forward, the enemy is there to slap me in the face with something else to drag me back. I will not listen to the lies of the enemy that says I am a horrible person. I know that I am a child of the most High King, and I will walk victoriously!
So all this preparing for adoption is bringing up many more things other than the current things. I do believe that God is allowing this to help me to heal and move past the past! I believe that He is showing me things that are still in my heart.....some good and some (honestly) not so good! I have a choice....I can shelve it, like I seem to have done for the past 14 years, or I can face it head on with the Lord and His Word. His Word says that I am new creation in Him, that the enemy has no place over me, and so many, many other things! I'm excited to bring this out, so that I never have to visit this hurt, frustration, anger, pain, belittling again!
I just needed to unload a bit....my heart was hurt today, but I have a wonderful healer named Jesus that is mending it as I write, He is refreshing my heart, and reminding me that I am created in Him. I am His daughter and I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I can also do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!! So who am I to argue with Him.....God created me after all!! I fall, have many times, and will many more times......but He picks me up and I keep trucking!! I boast in my weakness, b/c I am nothing without Christ!
I pray for anyone that is reading this that you will ask God to search your heart....and reveal any hurt, anger, unforgiveness, or unworthiness that you may feel......and that you will release that to Him, and allow Him to heal you....and in turn heal any hurt relationships that you may have in your life. In Jesus name.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The battle is raging........
Good evening friends!! I realized that I needed to update life in adoption, so here we go! My title is "The battle is raging", it's from a favorite worship song around here! When you decide to adopt is a battle! Currently, things are going good, but we also realize how very ticked off the devil is at us!
A couple of weeks ago, we were given an answer to one of the most important questions ever in our life! While the children were here at Christmas, or better yet we were there with them, we fell in love with one very special 13 year old! We knew she shared the love, but we didn't know if she wanted to be in our family! When she was asked, she said that she really likes us, and I am the mom that she would want, but she wanted to think on it. We were COMPLETELY at peace about this, b/c we've learned the hard way not to jump in a decision, so here this sweet girl wants to take her time. This is a big decision.....going to join a family that already has 3 children, small children at that!
We did get to spend a little more time with her, even going to the airport to see all the children off. To say this was one of the hardest things is a major understatement! We felt like we were putting our daughter on the plane, yet she hadn't even said yes yet! Many tears were cried, some of the most were by our daughter Hannah, who is only 5. She didn't understand why the children had to leave, and didn't want them too! She brought a few of the adults to tears! After saying goodbye, we headed home and immediately began the homestudy process.
This was definetely an act of faith....see, we need around $25,000 to bring her home to us, and it's broken down in many ways! The day that we found out she said yes, we had $300 come in! A huge blessing! Our first homestudy appointment we were to pay $800, and at that point we had only raised $425, so we had to fork out the other! Now, let me add, we don't have a lot of money! Jarrod had just gotten paid, and we felt that we were to go ahead with this, and trust that God would send the money, although we needed to pay bills with the extra $375 that we spent! So we did it, and the next week was a real test. I cried out to the Lord and asked Him if we got ahead of ourselves. Should we have waited until financially things were better for us? Should we have gotten things better in order for us to begin the expensive adoption process? When I shared my concerns with Jarrod, he said yes we are to adopt! I had no doubt in my mind, just wondered if we went too soon. But then, more money came in, some very generous, very unexpected sources gave us money. I cried at this sight of God's faithfulness. God has so far provided $2425 to us, and that's what we've needed to get some of the things done so far! (well some are in the next few weeks, but it's here!)
This is something completely out of my controlling hands, which I never should have anyway. God is completely in control of this situation, and that's a load off!! We've had 2 homestudy appointments, and both went great. We have an amazing social worker, and we are very appreciative of that! Our final homestudy appointment will be in our home in a little over a week, and then it will be finalized and God willing......approved! Then we'll move on to our next step! This is so exciting!
We get to talk with our daughter occassionally, although the language is different and we can't understand a whole lot.....usually I love you, I miss you, How are you! But we also get to talk with an interpreter sometimes, so of course then we have more in depth conversations! A friend recently told me that she is so excited and this is so exciting, and how fun, etc! I have to admit, this is VERY EXCITING, but it also has it's moments! When I received the email that she is in the hospital part of the orphanage, my heart sank, b/c I can't be there to take care of her. You know, as a mom, when your child is sick, you want to do anything you can to take care of them, but I can't here! I can't hug her and kiss her goodnight, have those daily moments with her right now! I know those are coming, but for the next few months they aren't here. Not just that, but this is a battle. We are saving a life that the enemy has marked as destroyed......the devil is majorly ticked off at us! I'm not complaining, we realize we are fighting, but this is not an all rosey thing, it's a MAJOR answer to the call that God has placed on the church. I am not in any way lifting us up, we just decided to answer the call, and are praying that through us doing this, that more will rise up and answer that call......it's AMAZING to be obedient to the voice of the Lord!
I appreciate all the prayers and support that we have recieved! Not all will agree with this, but that's okay, we don't do this for man's approval, we are answering the call of the Lord! I even wonder how in the world do I parent a teenage daughter, but God's hand is on us now, and it always will be as long as we are seeking Him! So this part, He'll guide us on! God is amazing us with His faithfulness, and although yes, we are being blessed with another daughter, and that in itself is wonderful, the spiritual level that the Lord is taking us to, is an overwhelming one! We are excited to take these steps of faith, and even more excited that with every step the Lord is there to hold our hands, even when we fall!
These have always been favorite Bible verses for me Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." This is being taken to a whole new level in our lives right now! Be blessed all, and thank you for the continued prayer and financial support!
A couple of weeks ago, we were given an answer to one of the most important questions ever in our life! While the children were here at Christmas, or better yet we were there with them, we fell in love with one very special 13 year old! We knew she shared the love, but we didn't know if she wanted to be in our family! When she was asked, she said that she really likes us, and I am the mom that she would want, but she wanted to think on it. We were COMPLETELY at peace about this, b/c we've learned the hard way not to jump in a decision, so here this sweet girl wants to take her time. This is a big decision.....going to join a family that already has 3 children, small children at that!
We did get to spend a little more time with her, even going to the airport to see all the children off. To say this was one of the hardest things is a major understatement! We felt like we were putting our daughter on the plane, yet she hadn't even said yes yet! Many tears were cried, some of the most were by our daughter Hannah, who is only 5. She didn't understand why the children had to leave, and didn't want them too! She brought a few of the adults to tears! After saying goodbye, we headed home and immediately began the homestudy process.
This was definetely an act of faith....see, we need around $25,000 to bring her home to us, and it's broken down in many ways! The day that we found out she said yes, we had $300 come in! A huge blessing! Our first homestudy appointment we were to pay $800, and at that point we had only raised $425, so we had to fork out the other! Now, let me add, we don't have a lot of money! Jarrod had just gotten paid, and we felt that we were to go ahead with this, and trust that God would send the money, although we needed to pay bills with the extra $375 that we spent! So we did it, and the next week was a real test. I cried out to the Lord and asked Him if we got ahead of ourselves. Should we have waited until financially things were better for us? Should we have gotten things better in order for us to begin the expensive adoption process? When I shared my concerns with Jarrod, he said yes we are to adopt! I had no doubt in my mind, just wondered if we went too soon. But then, more money came in, some very generous, very unexpected sources gave us money. I cried at this sight of God's faithfulness. God has so far provided $2425 to us, and that's what we've needed to get some of the things done so far! (well some are in the next few weeks, but it's here!)
This is something completely out of my controlling hands, which I never should have anyway. God is completely in control of this situation, and that's a load off!! We've had 2 homestudy appointments, and both went great. We have an amazing social worker, and we are very appreciative of that! Our final homestudy appointment will be in our home in a little over a week, and then it will be finalized and God willing......approved! Then we'll move on to our next step! This is so exciting!
We get to talk with our daughter occassionally, although the language is different and we can't understand a whole lot.....usually I love you, I miss you, How are you! But we also get to talk with an interpreter sometimes, so of course then we have more in depth conversations! A friend recently told me that she is so excited and this is so exciting, and how fun, etc! I have to admit, this is VERY EXCITING, but it also has it's moments! When I received the email that she is in the hospital part of the orphanage, my heart sank, b/c I can't be there to take care of her. You know, as a mom, when your child is sick, you want to do anything you can to take care of them, but I can't here! I can't hug her and kiss her goodnight, have those daily moments with her right now! I know those are coming, but for the next few months they aren't here. Not just that, but this is a battle. We are saving a life that the enemy has marked as destroyed......the devil is majorly ticked off at us! I'm not complaining, we realize we are fighting, but this is not an all rosey thing, it's a MAJOR answer to the call that God has placed on the church. I am not in any way lifting us up, we just decided to answer the call, and are praying that through us doing this, that more will rise up and answer that call......it's AMAZING to be obedient to the voice of the Lord!
I appreciate all the prayers and support that we have recieved! Not all will agree with this, but that's okay, we don't do this for man's approval, we are answering the call of the Lord! I even wonder how in the world do I parent a teenage daughter, but God's hand is on us now, and it always will be as long as we are seeking Him! So this part, He'll guide us on! God is amazing us with His faithfulness, and although yes, we are being blessed with another daughter, and that in itself is wonderful, the spiritual level that the Lord is taking us to, is an overwhelming one! We are excited to take these steps of faith, and even more excited that with every step the Lord is there to hold our hands, even when we fall!
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