I've had a lot on my mind lately and praying about what exactly I need to blog about, and what better thing to talk about than the thing that God is working on me with!! Hmmmm, being transparent maybe will help someone else through it, not sure, but I'm going to be transparent!
If you know me personally, you know my heart and love for helping others. I LOVE people, and I want to do so many things to help them. In fact, so many times I lay aside my personal feelings/exhaustedness/whatever other emotions to cater to others. So the other day I asked the Lord how much is too much. What if I give all of myself to others that I have none left for me, or even for me to spend time with Him. This is really a tough one, b/c we are supposed to have a servant's heart, right?
Well today, Matthew 5:37 came to me "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No' be 'No'. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." I have read this over and over and I have told my children this several times over and over, lol!! In that people can turn it into much condemnation towards others. Sometimes we are quick to speak, which the Bible warns us about doing, and don't think about the answer we should be giving, or seek the Lord for that answer. Many of times I have had to change my answer to my children b/c I answered before really thinking about what I answering yes too......(like maybe, "Mom, can I go and crack some eggs for you". Me not thinking, sure honey, and as I hear the first egg crack, I think 'oh crap, what did I just tell them?')....So therefore, sometimes we do have to change our answers sometimes. And there are other times where our circumstances may change, so we have to change a yes answer to a no.....(ex. maybe I was to go to dinner with a girlfriend, but Jarrod has to work late last minute, so plans had to change!)..
But today, God revealed this to me in a new way. What if I tell someone yes that I will do something for them, but deep in my heart the answer is no. I really don't want to do it, but I really want to help that person, so I answer yes, b/c I know it will bless them (and this is a BIG lesson in my home lately). So what is my true answer? Hmmmmm, makes you think, right? (ok, sorry, think I am using hmmmmm too much, lol!). A friend helped me understand that with all my willingness to help others is really seeking to please people. Ouch, that truth hurt there. I am seeking to please people. I have such a giving heart, but something else God revealed to me today kinda hurt. I am trying to save different people from things in their life, almost being their saviour. Oooohhhhh, that stinks. There is only one Saviour and that is our Lord Jesus Christ, so who am I to think that I can do that for others.
Now I know that God has given me a love for people, but that doesn't mean that I have to do absolutely everything that they ask of me. Wow, really God, why haven't I realized this before! So many times in my life, b/c I have such a giving heart, I have been majorly taken advantage of! I remember this one time in high school, a friend of mine wrote a note from a teacher to get her boyfriend out of class, as a matter of fact is was 2 notes. When she got caught, she asked me if I would take the blame for one of those notes. I agreed, b/c I wanted her to like me and I didn't think it was too bad. I ended up with detention and having to write an essay, but the principal (who was a family friend) never really thought I did it.....he knew that I wouldn't. So can someone please tell me why in the world I would take the blame? Crazy, huh......So I have had my fair share of getting run over!!
So now, I am having to learn my limits and balance my life. I am in a new season of my life, which I love more than I ever could have thought possible. I am embracing the very things that God has blessed me with, and although it's not all peachy, I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars! The past month of so I have had much chaos in my life, some self induced and some by trying to help others. It has truly interrupted my homeschooling days, and while I know there will be some interruptions, I am trying to decide how much we truly need. It seems the minute I got our chore packs written for the children to do each morning before school, we'll get going for a few days, then something will happen and it will take almost a week to get back on track! Seems kinda crazy how all that works, but it really turns my world upside down!
I want to be used for ministry and however/whatever ways that God sees fit, but my FIRST ministry is to Him, My Husband, and My Children. I seemed to have misplaced that order somewhere along the past few weeks, but I am going to get it straight! I am confessing all this to first off, get it off my chest, and second off to hopefully to have some accountability to learn when to say yes and when to say no!
I once read a devotion that talks about all the good things that there is a chance for us to do. It's learning to look at all those 'good' things and asking God what would be the 'best' for us to do. So many things might be the best, but not at that particular season in our life! I am a person that when I get passionate about something, I run after it full force with so much zeal, b/c that is what is on my heart. So when I am running at 100 different things, I am not truly putting my best into anything that I am doing. When I work, I want to do it as unto the Lord, but I can't give my 100% if I am exhausted from all the responsiblities that I've obligated myself to!
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