I have a few friends that have told me how strong they think I am. They say they couldn't do this. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.........let me just say, I must have them all fooled! I am nothing but a body of weakness. I submit to my Father in heaven, and through it Him and I can get through anything! I'm no stronger than anyone else! I often try to fix things myself, and that's when I realize how weak I really am. I can't do this alone, and that seems to be my cry lately!
See, I have this really bad habit.......I'm not sure habit is the right word, but it's all that comes to mind! See, when someone hurts me, I clam up. I shut down, don't want to allow anyone in. Unfortunately, it not only affects the one that has hurt me, but it overflows onto everyone. It causes others hurt, mainly myself! When we hold on to those hurts, it turns in to resentment, bitterness, and many other things that are NOT of the Lord. The Father is slowly helping me "mature" so to say and I'm beginning to recognize these things sooner, thus being able to deal with them! It's not easy you know, lol!! Sometimes I feel so in control and feel like I have things somewhat together, then "BAM", I just fell again!
God is so good to reveal our hearts. Now this isn't always a good thing, and it hurts in a way that really has no words! When God grows us and stretches us, we have to begin dying to self. I love the thought of more of God in me, and less of me. But when it comes to it actually happening, it's not so pleasant!! But in the end, God will perfect the work that He has begun in me!
We are having a great time here in Ukraine. Along with the great time, we have the other "non-great" times. I'll be honest, and I know I've said this many times......"This is the hardest thing I've ever done"! I have moments where I just want to run out of the door and jump on the next flight home! Now, if you've been in my shoes, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. If you haven't been in them, please don't judge me! I wouldn't change anything that we are doing here, it's just a million times harder than what I could have ever imagined!
We knew we were fighting a spiritual battle when we said "Yes" that we will obey James 1:27. We knew things would get hard, and we knew things would get uncomfortable. What I had no clue was the ammunition the enemy would use to throw at me. Things/places I thought I was "safe" in have been attacked. But the good thing.......there is power in the name of Jesus, to break every chain. The enemy will not have victory, He will not succeed. God has given me power over the devil. So we are in full force battle, and would appreciate your prayers!
The past few days have been kinda slow, but good! Saturday we went shopping for Yulia a dress for court and for church! After that we just came back to the apartment. Nothing too exciting! We did get to skype with mom and the kids! It's so great to see them and how well they are doing! I miss them all so much, and can't believe it's already been 3 weeks that I've been gone!
Sunday we went to Pastor Nicholi's church! It was a beautiful sermon, that really pricked my heart.......on Ephesians and operating as one body! Oh how God's timing is perfect! After church we stayed for lunch and some sweet conversation!! I have grown to love this sweet family that leads this village in God's word and truth! I'm going to miss them when we go back home!
On Monday we decided to go out to eat for lunch! We tried a new place, which we will NEVER go to again! We tried to order "American" style food, and were thoroughly disappointed! I'm not a person that wastes much, but I left over half my food! After that, we decided to go bowling. Jarrod, Natasha and I had fun.....Yulia not so much! She doesn't like loosing too well.....that'll come with time!! I'm determined, we will go bowling again before leaving here, and her see that we can have fun without winning!
Last night everyone was off in the own little worlds, or at least I was in my own world, tucked away in my room......talking with friends, crying, laughing, processing all that God is doing in me right now. Not understanding much of it, and grasping at straws to try and figure things out! The beautiful thing is that I don't have to figure it out, all I have to do is trust God! He's got this, He's got me and my family covered. I don't know how the final picture will look, but I know this.....He will finish what He has begun! When it was getting late, we had some fun family moments.....laughing at old pictures, talking about random things, laughing b/c Yulia was communicating without Natasha, and we were actually understanding things!
Yulia is slowly opening up, although it hasn't been to me (b/c of the language barrier), she at least is! I know God is working in her heart too, and I know that one day her and I will be able to have those heart to heart conversations!
Like I said before, this is harder than I ever imagined in so many ways!! I'm so thankful to have friends to help me cope with all this! They are all great! And I'm thankful that others have gone before me and can help me to realize that I am "normal" in all the emotions that go along with this beautiful adoption journey! Some of the things I am going through are things I was told to be prepared for. You just don't realize what that exactly means, until you are here!!
Thank you for sharing with us in this beautiful journey! We covet your prayers for our family! Court is this week, and we have about 4 weeks left here in Ukraine! I'll be home a bit sooner, but we aren't sure the exact date yet!! Be blessed my friends!!
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