Tonight, my heart is a bit hurt..... I've been praying about how to word this, b/c I know I need to get it out and maybe during that minister to someone's heart and spirit. I won't put specific details, b/c I don't want to damage anyone else, just share my heart and burden.
This whole adoption journey has been a rollercoaster of emotions.......excitement, sadness, overwhelming, lonely, encouraging, disappointing, beautiful and many many other things!! We have had cheers of encouragement as well as words of disapprovement. The encouraging words have way outnumbered the opposite, holding us up when we needed it the most. But the blows of negativity, although not as many, have been hard ones. As we have gotten the dispproving comments, we have grown in our knowledge that the Lord wants us to walk this journey! We have grown stronger with each one!
We remember that Jesus was persecuted by others for the things He said and the things He did! We know that others will be against us, but God is always for us! We KNOW without a shadow of doubt that we are walking in the calling that the Lord has placed on our lives!!
We have been labeled as crazy, for wanting more children. It says in Psalm 127:3
"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Why do so many forget this, especially Christians? We often look at children as a job. We try our best, but as long as they don't interfere with our plans or our life too much, then that's fine. Not many people truly treasure the value God places on children. Now I'm not saying it's wrong to only have 1 child or 2 for that matter, but how many people actually sit before the Lord and listen to their calling on life and how many children God planned for their family. Many times I mourn the children that I refused to birth by having my tubes tied. God is gracious to allow me the opportunity to "mother" other children by adoption!
So I realize sometimes that my feelings aren't common among couples in "modern society", but I'm not out for man's approval. I am in front of an audience of One and that's all that matters!! So I'm not explaining myself or trying to make others understand, that's God's place to do so. All I can do is pray that others will see the heart of the Father. Which brings up my hurt feelings this evening......
We have come halfway with our fundraising/donations reaching $12000! This is so awesome! We still have about $13000 left to go. God has brought us this far, and we know He won't let us down now!! I praise Him in this, and I'm so thankful that He was the one to call us to adopt and that we walk in His strength, not our own!!
I have this AMAZING woman that I grew up knowing that wanted to do something kind for us!! She has been working on planning a fundraiser to help us with our fees, and it has been such a sweet and encouraging thing for me!! During her efforts, she was shut down by an authority that she had to submit to. Therefore the fundraiser is off. The part of this that hurts so bad, is that this is a part of my childhood that is turning me down, rejecting what we are doing. We are to be the church, all of us (regardless of domination, etc) the bride of Christ. How can Christians be this way, and shut down something that God has called all men to do??
To me, it's not even about the money part of things. My Father in Heaven has promised this will happen, that He will provide all we need for our adoption. It's about members of the body of Christ, something that was so important to me, and a BIG part of my walk with the Lord, shutting the doors on me. It hurts when family (whether church family or actual family) doesn't support your decisions, your walk with the Lord, trust me, I know this WAY more than I would like to admit to.
I'm used to be hurt by others, by their rejection, by their unforgiveness, and I realize that they, like me, are only human and will make mistakes! So the Lord has given me grace to get past those hurts and move on in forgiveness and grace! But this one hurt a little more than I expected. I guess I am disppointed. In Malachi 4: 6 if says "And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse." I feel like this is where God has the church as a whole, it's time to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children.
Many children don't have fathers, so it's time for Christian men to rise up and take that roll. So many times we don't want to step out of our comfort zones. Why would we want to take another child in our homes, that would disrupt our picture perfect life?? Why would I go out on a limb and do what God called me to do? I wouldn't be able to buy that boat that I wanted, or take that trip to Europe I wanted to, or have that nice car that I wanted??? We are all so wrapped up in our own lives that we forget about the reality of the world outside of our world. There are orphans that need homes, there are widows that need help, there are homeless people that we need to reach out too, that are abused women that need rescuing, there are children grabbed daily for sex trafficing, there are prostitutes that need help seeing the light, there are drug addicts that need help, and the list goes on and on.......it's time for the church to WAKE UP.........
We all have our causes, and we always want to do those "sweet little things", so we've done our Christianly duty. How about getting out of the boat a little more?? Yes, it's about the heart, and those "little things" need to be done, but how many people only stick to those "safe" ministries to do?? They don't want to step out more in faith. It's so heartbreaking to see these things. The Lord has a heart for the broken hearted, and I feel it's time we start seeking what is important to the Father more, and what's important to the world less!!
I really didn't mean to write this much, I just needed a place to unload my heart! God will be faithful to mend my wounded heart, and I will walk in forgiveness to the ones causing this hurt! I am thankful that I have such AMAZING friends that want to help us walk what God has called us to in our lives!! I know we wouldn't have near as much hurt and pain if we weren't on this adoption journey, but I wouldn't change it for anything!! We are doing what God is calling us to, and growing so much spiritually because of it!! Be blessed my friends, and rest in what God is calling you too!! Have faith, jump out of the boat, go against the flow of the "normal", do what God has ordained you to do!!
Father God, I pray in your son Jesus most precious and holy name, that you will hear the cries of you children! Lord, I ask that you bless Amy & Jarred in their adoption efforts and that you will open the hearts of your people to be supportive in their courage to do your will! I also thank you for their example in being so obedient to your word! We give you All the Praise and All the GLORY! Amen:)
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