Adoption........and why my heart is here!!

Good evening dear friends! Hope everyone is resting in the love and grace of abiding in God's presence!! Today has been a great day!! Church this morning, followed by an afternoon of rest, then playing in the yard (loving this weather) and now the babies are down I can blog and write my heart!! I'm just loving this season that God has me in with being a full time mommy!! I had a hard time at first transitioning in, but now, I know what God created me for!!

A few months ago, as we were getting ready for church God spoke to my heart very clearly that we are suppossed to adopt. As I sat there, I thought "Yes Lord, I'm on board, but you have to tell Jarrod, it won't be me that convinces him". When Jarrod came in the room a few moments later, I said with excitement that God has just shared something with me, but told God that he had tell Jarrod. Then I told him about adoption. His response was "Yeah, God will have to tell me that one, b/c I'm just not sure". So I let it lie and just prayed. About 3 weeks later Jarrod came to me and said "Ok, God told me that we are to adopt". So I was so ecstatic, but know that it has to be in God's timing, not mine....although I am terribly ready!! Shortly after that our conversation turned into talking about a children's home......but more about that later, God's doing some things on that one!!

A few weeks ago, a friend let me borrow a book "The Spirit of Adoption" by Randy and Kelsey Bohlender. Now I already knew that we are to adopt, but Lori and Virgil both told me that this book will tear me up......and boy did it! See, what this couple has done is amazing and they are walking in Kingdom, they are bringing heaven to earth by hearing the Father's heart for these children. I don't want to write an entire book about the book, I recommend b/c it's a great book, but I want to put a few things that really stood out to me!

Psalm 127: 4 says "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth." When in battle, you use arrows, and they can go father than you can go, when they are properly released. When you train a child in the ways of the Lord, he/she will be as an arrow and go out in the world and spread the word....the word that you have trained them in. Wow, do you know how many people we can reach with our children and teaching them walk in abiding love with Christ.

I'll be honest, I used to think that people that had a lot of children were pretty crazy....why would they want that headache? But now, I am ready to trade in my car for a 15 passenger van and train my children for His kingdom. The Bible also says that children are a blessing from the Lord, they are a reward. Why would we not want a great reward. The more children that we have, whether birthed or adopted, we extend our influence beyond the seventy-some years that most people spend on this earth. We reach generations way beyond ours, b/c what we train our children in, our children will train theirs, and so on......We will change the world.

There is so much other stuff I can share about the book, but I highly recommend getting the book and reading it....it will bless you! The song comes to mind that we recently sang at church, they lyrics go...."I am royalty, I have destiny, I have been set free, I'm gonna shape history". I want more children to love on and give a home and I want to shape history....for His glory! So here is my heart!! After reading the book, I decided to look at DHR's website at the foster children in the system and my heart broke even more......the siblings, special needs, teenagers, young children.....all of them.......wanting someone to love them and accept them as they are. After seeing quite a few teenagers, I realized some of my heart for wanting so badly to adopt! So here is the short version of why........

When I was conceived, my parents were not married. They were just 18, having just graduated high school. Several family members, including my dad, wanted my mom to abort me. But she didn't want to do that, praise the Lord, He had/has some big plans for my life!! So they got married, only to divorce when I was about 4 months old. I don't fault them, they shouldn't have gotten married just b/c of being pregnant, of course, they shouldn't have gotten pregnant outside of marriage either. But the word says that He knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb, so praise God, He had a perfect plan!

My mom got married a second time to my stepfather, who adopted me. To this day, I haven't asked the reason for this. I have forgiven my birth father (both for not "wanting" me in the beginning as well as letting another man raise me), as the Bible says to "Forgive others so that you may be forgiven", and I have a relationship with him. My children know him as their grandfather. God can restore relationships!

Through various trials and life, my mom and I have drifted apart in relationship (that's another BOOK for another time, my whole life is a book!), and while I love her, we can't have a normal relationship. We talk occassionally, but it's not what I hope that my daughter and I will have. And please don't judge or think that I am not respectful of my parents, I fully respect. I also allow the Spirit to guide me in my boundaries!

Because of these odd relationships with my parents I don't fully have a place to call home. I have a small hometown that I came from, and that I love to go back to. When we do travel back to Alabama, it's a toss up of two aunts for who we will stay with. The problem sometimes is that I feel like we inconveince them when we come. It's not just me, it's my family of 5. We always have a great time, but I know everyone gets exhausted when we come.... I have 3 full of life children. This is sometimes very hard that I have NO place to fully call home....to go back to.....

As I was looking over the DHR list and picture profiles, I saw numerous teenagers about to turn 18 and be out on their own, and I thought about them and that they have no home, no family. Soon they will be out on their own. I want so desperately to give them a home, a family, a heritage in the Lord and give them the Love that the Lord intended for every child to feel and receive. I'm ready for what the Lord has for my family.....I'm ready to add to our family as many children as the Lord will bless us with....

Jarrod is on board, but we know it's not time yet. We feel God is preparing us spiritually and we know that He is going before us to open the doors that need to be opened. Thank you Jesus that you love us just this much to get it ready! We have talked with our children about orphans and that they have no mommy or daddy. We have talked with them about bringing some home to live with us so that they can be a part of our family, and they seemed excited! One night as we were talking, Noah said "mommy, we can even adopt someone with brown skin". See, my children don't see color, they think we are all made the same, and we are!! We see the heart and not the color! God knows the perfect child that needs to be with our family, and I can't wait to meet them!!

So there is a tad bit of my testimony and my heart as to why I want to adopt!! God has some big things planned for the Thorpe family and I can't wait! I already see Him moving in my family, and I'm beginning to see some fruits of my labor while I am home with my children. I'm not perfect, neither are they, but we have Jesus to forgive us and help us on our way!! Thank you for reading this and I hope it will bless you and encourage you to pray about adoption. I'm not sure that everyone is meant to adopt, but there are so many ways you can help others with adoption and of course you can pray! There are so many babies being aborted everyday and if we just show those moms that these sweet babies are wanted, then we can change their hearts!

I'm leaving you with a few pics from a recent trip we took to see some dear friends! We went to the beach and it was so wonderful!! Be blessed!!

You're Never Giving Up......Thank you Jesus!

Hello my friends!! I hope this finds you all doing well!! I have had so many things on my heart to share, but haven't!! Tonight as I am cleaning the kitchen and having worship the Lord stirred my heart so much! Forgive me if I seem to babble or seem a little out of it.....I am caught up in the Spirit right now!! I want to start off with prayer first for the one reading this, so here goes....

Father,
I thank you for your unfailing love and mercy. Thank you for your forgiveness and grace that you pour out on us each morning! I ask that you pour out many, many blessings over the one reading this, I pray for a refreshing in their spirit, that they will feel you in a deeper and more intimate way. Thank you that your word says that the joy of the Lord is our strength, so I pray that joy over my friend.....they will have new strength like no other by the joy that you bring them. I pray that no weapon that forms against them shall prosper, but they will have victory over their enemies. Speak to my friend as they lie down at night, give them a peaceful and restful night's sleep when they lay down, let them rest in Your arms trusting that You love them so much more than they could ever fully realize. Send them dreams and visions revealing your perfect plan for their life. I thank you for loving us so much that you sent your son. I praise you and love you. In Jesus name, Amen.

I want to start off with sharing the words to this new song that we have completely fallen in love with....it's part of why I feel so out of it right now. It's by Jonathan David Helser and it's called "You're Never Giving Up". The first time Jarrod played this song for me, I just teared up and wanted to fall over like a baby and cry. I cannot begin to even fathom His love for us, and that He never gives up on us. Okay, here I am tearing up again.....so here are the words!

-Your love, it never quits, it never stops chasing my soul, Before I was even in my mother's womb you knew me, you loved me. Even in my sin Lord, you wouldn't stop. Everytime I'd run away you'd come chasing me. Papa, you won't let go of me, even in my sin and even in my mess. I turned and started coming home after I'd wasted your inheritance, you jumped off the porch and with a ring and a robe, you came running for me. You never stopped, you just grabbed a hold of my soul, you said my son's come home, let's throw a party for him, he's home. He once was dead, he's alive; he once was blind, now he can see. My Father, what can I do to say thank you? to say I love you? I give you my heart, my soul, all that I am. You came running for me. You've never given up on me. Your love never fails, it never ends, you never stop chasing my soul. So I break open this bottle, I break open my heart and I pour it all on you Lord, I wanna waste my life on You, you are so worthy, you gave it all, I wanna give it all, every drop, my heart bleeds for you. Every tear that I weep, you come down and catch and say this is the one I love. I don't care what people in the room say, I only wanna please you to see you smile, to make you happy. I just want to spend the rest of my life loving  you. You don't stop loving me, I can't stop loving you.....and so it goes on.....-

This song is so beautiful and really speaks to my heart everytime I listen to it! I want to share now how this completely ministers to me.....

I haven't always had the best/easiest life, but I have a wonderful Father in heaven who has grown me from the past and my hurts, mistakes, and disappointment. I'm sure there are so many other emotions I could list, but will stop there! So many of my relationships have been based on my performance, and what I could do for that person. I have learned, though it was hard, that my parents and the ones raising me did the best they could with what they knew how to do. Things spoken over me, they didn't realize the death their words had. We are to speak words of life, and we ALL at times forget that. When I read the bible and the story of the prodigal son it just melts my heart when I think this is how God is with us. Even when I disobey, turn my back on Him, don't walk on the path He wants me on......He runs to me when I come home. He's constantly chasing my soul, yearning for me to be abiding in Him constantly......Wow.....He loves me without expecting anything in return, but He longs for that fellowship. There is no relationship based on expectation, or when I fail, He doesn't say "No way, been there done that, not doing it again". Instead He says " Welcome back my Beloved, I've missed you and I love you so much, let me share my heart with you". I pray that I can be this kind of parent to my children. I sometimes forget and I get disappointed with my children and don't want to be "nice" to them, but boy am I so wrong in this......Father, help me.

I just want to encourage you that no matter what is happening in your life, no matter what you have done, what has been done to you.......God wants all of you! He wants you to abide with Him in a daily/24/7 relationship. He wants all your hurts, pains, tears, love, worship, victories, brokeness, disobedience, everything, every emotion you could think possible.......He wants all of you! He will run to you with a ring and a robe and throw a party for you......it will be the best party you have ever been to when you rest in Him....I pray for you and that you will encounter God in a new way. He wants you back......He forgives you, He loves you, He's there with His arms wide open and ready to receive you.....Run to Him

I added a picture of a lighthouse. This particular one is from a beach trip we recently took. It sits in the middle of the water. I see you as a lighthouse surrounded by water. You may think this isn't good. Just picture the water as God's love surrounding you. You can't move any way without His love being wrapped around you. You are the light sitting in the middle of it, shining this love that He has for you over others!! Okay lighthouse, be encouraged!! I pray many blessings over you!!

Good evening friends!! I'm not real sure what this is going to be exactly about, but I felt like writing! I've been in this mode lately where anything, I mean ANYTHING can tear me up. I don't feel like I am a usualy crying kind of girl, but maybe I am turning into one!! Good things make me cry, bad things make me cry, sad things make me cry, my kids make me cry, God makes me cry just at the thought of His love for me and my undeserving self! Wow, I'm just tearing up thinking of all those things....arg....

On facebook I've joined the group "You know your from Eclectic if...". Eclectic is my small, one stop light town, that I grew up in! I loved it in so many ways, yet I was biting at the bit to get away from it for more than one reason. As I'm reading some of these things, I'm remembering so much of my childhood and high school days, just reading those things and it brings such a smile to my face. So much of my childhood I have blocked out, b/c it wasn't always a picture perfect family....in fact it was quite the opposite. I feel God has been so gracious to allow me to hold on to the good things from those times and the others....well, they are lost somewhere in God's hands so I don't have to hold on to them! So this bit that I am reading on facebook just makes me smile....about the sweet Coach Brown, who left this earth far earlier than anyone would have liked, and how everyone knows everyone's business, the pep rallies on fridays and hanging out in the parking lots. So much of that I sort of wish I could give my children, those seemed like pure and simple days. But the truth is....life isn't what it was back when I was young. God has put such a burden on my heart to protect my children and train them in His ways, and I'm going to go after this steadfastly.....yes, even on the hardest days!

So I'm going to rewind back to the magazine I referenced last night "Above Rubies" and add some more. The article that I am going to reference is called An Overflowing Land. I am going to give a lot of scriptures here and maybe share what they mean to my life! Joshua 1:9 says "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Isn't this great, He never leaves us....He doesn't just put it in our hearts and tell us what to do, but He actually goes with us every step of the way! Another thing said here is "God does not leave you to mother your children on your own. He is right beside you, backing you all the way. He is with you constantly and watches over the walls of your home. His eyes are always upon you in your land of motherhood, 'from beginning of the year even unto the end of the year'(Deut 11:12). You can call upon Him at any moment. He is your source of widsom and daily strength-and His resources never run out! You will be amazed at how you cope when you take your eyes off your problems and turn them upon the Lord! The psalmist proclaims, 'Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me' (Psalm 138:7). Often our difficulties don't go away, but God has promised to revive and refresh as we go through them!"

Another one......"Our land of motherhood should always be enlarging (children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren). It's interesting that Satan wants to minimize the literal land of Israel, or hopefully eradicate it from the earth. He knows if He can do that, He wipes out the Bible which is filled with prophecy for Israel. He also works to minimize the land of motherhood or diminish it altogether. He hates life and tries to stop it every way he can. But don't let your land be diminished-you belong to a large land." I've realized the lie that the enemy has been spreading in my head over the past 6 years.....oh you have to work to help support the family to do you part. My job, that God has made clear several times, is to be a mom and wife. My "job" is to train my children in the way of the Lord. Psalm 127:3-5 says "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." I want my arrows to be sharp in their knowledge and relationship with the Lord....most importantly their relationship!!

It tickles me pink...yes I just said that....when I hear my children say "thank you Lord". It's so cool when you go to the store, and God decides to give you a special kiss that day and you get a close parking spot! So I'll just quietly say "Thank you Lord." Well the kids have picked that up and they say it whenever we get any parking spot!! They do as I do!!

Jarrod and I had some announcements to make Sunday at church regarding the children's ministry. Jarrod does the talking b/c I don't like being in front of people on a microphone! While watching a slideshow from our fun water day, the Lord kept pressing on my heart to share, so I told him to hand me the mic!! I shared what I had witnessed in my children with the way they treated each other, and how it warmed my heart, b/c I knew that I was getting something right, b/c they were doing things that Jarrod and I do. Then other times I see them doing some not so good things, and it made me sad. Our children have us as their guide.....and what they see us do, they will do. If we dance before the Lord, they will dance; if we spend time in worship and prayer, they will; if we sit and watch tv all day, they will also. They mock us, so we need to make sure we realize that the training goes beyond our words. What's important to us is important to them!!

Okay, well that's enough for now. I've rambled some and this may make absolutely no sense, but I am no longer teary eyed, feel a little weight off my heart, so I think maybe this ministered to someone!! I'm leaving with a picture from our anniversary weekend away at Toccoa Falls. I will be blogging about it soon, but still need to gather all my thoughts!! There is a great book "Dam break in Georgia" about the actual dam break in 1977. I recommend reading it and I have a copy if you would like to borrow it! It was such an uplifting thing to read about this town that lost 20 children and 19 adults (I think was the totals, forgive me if wrong), yet through it all, they gave thanks to God. They never lost sight of this.....such an amazing testimony!! I know God brought us to this little town, but I'm getting a head of myself, that's for later!! Anyway, here is a BEAUTIFUL picture of the waterfall, not sure the picture does justice, but it's beautiful and so peaceful. Both Jarrod and I could really feel the presence of the Lord, and heard Him more clearly than either have in a while!! Be blessed!!

I love when God speaks to my heart!!

Good evening!! It's almost midnight and although I planned to write this tomorrow, Jarrod just got called out to work, so I figured I would go ahead!! I will go ahead and warn you.....this is going to be a long winded blog!! I have so much that God has stirred up in my heart today, and I just know that it will encourage someone, or maybe it will just encourage and remind me!! I want to hold on to moments like this!! Okay so here goes!!

I'm going to start with this evening! I decided that I was going to FINALLY plant the seeds that a friend gave me....oh let's see, probably 2 months ago!! Before doing that though, I wanted to weed the front real good and trim the bushes, which we have a lot of!! So I am pulling and clipping and I came across quite a bit of briars in so many random spots. We've never had these before, but I'm convinced that God put them there for this specific reason! As I am pulling them up, I learned real quickly (I know it doesn't take a rocket scientist) to pull the part right at the ground as to not get pricked, b/c that there hurts!! I was thinking about what I was doing, pulling all the bad and unattractive things away from the front. Also, I warned the kids not to touch those because those would hurt. As I am going through a change of seasons in my life, I feel like God is doing some "gardening in my heart". He is pulling the bad, unattractive, and hurtful things away from me, so that He can replace them with some beautiful seeds to bloom. This takes time and even the "pruning" that He does may hurt. But it was such a sweet thing to experience this. Many of the weeds had some hard deep roots and didn't want to come up, but I had to keep pulling harder and harder and actually cutting some of them. I feel like this is happening in my life.....there are things I don't want to let go of that God is saying to let go of, and He's having to work a little harder for me to realize. Not that God forces us to do anything, He loves us so much that He gives us a choice! But He sure loves us so much and knows what is the absolute best!! So I am going to quite having those roots, and the things that He is weeding out of my life I am going to let go and release to Him.....sigh, deep breath.....this isn't an easy thing. I do have to keep reminding myself that I have released things......especially people. I think this is one of the hardest things to release.....so many times we have friends and family that are such big parts of our lives, but we realize that they are only there for a season.....even with this realization, it often hurts.....but we have to trust God knows best......and HE REALLY DOES! So that was my gardening insight tonight!! I think God has given me a new love for this, for I know He has more to show me as I do it.....and it can be science for my children!!

Okay, back to my morning!! It was a pretty good morning, although I've been a little easily teary eyed the past couple of days.....think it might just be hormones!! My sweet friend, Lori, called and said she had something to drop by and it was a magazine called Above Rubies. She thought it had a few good articles that I would be interested in. Can I just say that God spoke to me in so many ways through these different women's testimonies!! I'm going to share the ones that jumped out at me and spill a little of my heart along with them!! To start off with, these are a few of their comments that they daily leave on facebook, speaking of, I need to add them on there!!

What is our attitude toward children? Even though we love our children we can often be irritated by them. Jesus said "Whoever receives this child in My name receives Me, and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me" (Luke 9:48). Isn't it amazing that God says the attitude we have towards children is the attitude we have toward Him? And I wonder what God thinks when we don't want to receive His children?" (All I can say is WOW.....I need to work on my attitude a little more towards my children)

Isn't it strange how opposite our culture is to the example Christ set? He said "Let the children come to me" and yet our society continually looks for ways to get the children out of our way. Set the tone by enjoying every child that crosses your path today and in this way you will also be following Christ's example.

Okay, so here were the two that stuck out the most above, but there were many, many more that I really liked!! Okay, next reality...God opened my eyes to realize this, and it was through an article, but I'm not going to share the article, I'm going to share my heart!

When I got pregnant with Jonah, our 3rd child, Hannah was only 5 months old. I had c-sections, so the drs were really concerned about me having another one so close. I let them "scare" me initially, but the Lord really shone through with every detail of the pregnancy and Jonah's birth! I know God has some big plans for him.....for all my children for that matter. With having 3 c-sections, we had to make a decision, and felt pressed too b/c of the drs. We prayed about it and felt at peace about having my tubes tied. I now, so many times, wonder if that peace was merely fear of continuing to have children after so many c-sections, b/c we let the "world" affect us and our thinking. As I sit here I can't help but cry and wish that I could go back and have a "do over" and not have that done. I'm quoting the girl from the article in saying this...."Despite many blessings, there are days I experience overwhelming sadness. I grieve the children I refused to have". I feel this way so often and it took this to realize what exactly I was grieving. I was too focused on my business, my body, our finances, everything except what God wanted for us. I don't beat myself up, but I do grieve. I do believe that God will give us another chance of multiplying by adopting....we don't know yet the time that will take place.....but we both feel it. I sometimes think if I would have had more children, maybe we wouldn't adopt, so that child might not have a home.......but I still grieve for those children that I refused to have......So now that I have been completely transparent and finally "confessed" all this, I can move on.....

I think we so many times get so wrapped up in the "picture" that we see of our lives and what will fit in that picture, and not see what God sees, and His "picture"......God help me to see what You see...

This other lady encouraged me with something she read. You know being a stay at home mom/wife is such a hard job. You lay your life down for others, but what a beautiful picture of Jesus this shows! Sometimes we try to get so busy in ministries and trying to do for the Lord and forgetting that when you have a family, they are to be your FIRST ministry! Here's the statement that she said "If God wants you to be a homemaker, and you spend your days washing dishes and changing dirty diapers, then by fulfilling His plan for your life, you are worshipping God." Today I really had to "lay" my life down once again.....and realize this is what God has called me to do, and it does honor Him that I am fully committed to training my children in the ways of the Lord!

Okay, there's so much more I want to share, but the next bit is quite long....so I will save it for another night!! I pray that you will be blessed and encouraged in reading this. I pray that as you come and go that your steps will be blessed and that God will use you in a mighty way as you take steps of faith and learn to fully walk in the trust of Him!!

Here are some pictures of the kids......one is waiting on the reptile man....and a few of the kids swimming! My babies have become like fish....the love to swim underwater!! I am so proud of them and their new confidence in swimming and in the water!! Noah's had the confidence for a while, but this is new for Hannah and Jonah....who only a few months ago didn't want their faces wet, lol!! Well, I've had 2 children join me and I hear another approaching my rooms, so I guess I should head off here and get some sleep!!

New Strength Rising up........

Good Sunday afternoon friends!! I am sitting here in the kitchen listening to my children play together (I love that sound), my dishwasher going and my brain going a mile a minute!! I have so much on my heart and thought this would be the perfect time to sit down and put it all into words!!

A week ago a friend brought me something at church. It was a word that the Lord had given her for me. It said "there is a strength in me that God is bringing out. I have prayed for Him to take me to a new place in Him and He says Yes! But I must know it's by His strength in me, not my strength!" I loved this and thought wow, I'm really excited about it! The next day I received a phone call with another friend from church who had a dream that she felt she needed to share. In the dream she dreamed it was my wedding and I was at the reception cutting the cake. I was concerned that I wouldn't have enough cake for all my guests at the wedding, but she was helping me get all the things together. In the meantime, my husband, which is also my Father, was out buying me a gift....a brand new beautiful bedroom suite. She tried to help me focus on this beautiful gift that He had bought me instead of worrying about the cake. She then interpreted the dream for me. God is taking me to a new place of intimacy with Him, a place I have been desiring to go. I have a lot on my plate, but instead of focusing on how I am going to divide my time, energy, etc on the things on my plate, I need to rest in Him, in this new place of intimacy. WOW.....God is moving me into a new place of intimacy with Him and giving me a new strength.....thank you Jesus!! I am going to continue going from glory to glory!

Well, today I am experiencing some of that strength! If you know me, you know that the one thing that makes me feel good each day is my bed being made....I know, crazy, huh? When we woke up, Noah wasn't feeling too well(more about that in a moment!), so we decided to stay home. He wanted to go rest in my room alone, so I let him and went and loved on him and doctored him up some! I decided since we were home, I was going to make the best of it, and just be in a place of rest today, which is what we should on the 7th day. So I began playing with Hannah and Jonah and we were dr's and patients and just had fun! Then Noah joined us and we had a few broke legs that we had to "cast" up, etc. Then I just let the kids have at it and have fun! They ended up in my room, with my bed unmade, which is usually a big no-no! I don't let them play in my room, it's my place, I want it kept in order. But it didn't bother me, at all....wow, what is wrong with me? I walked in a few minutes ago to find toys on my bed, bed shuffled around, toys on the floor, and clothes/toys in my bathroom. I told them to have fun, just not mess with my stuff and stay out of the closet. I know this is a really long story for just a simple fact of......God is working on me and my heart and giving me a new strength! The little things that annoy me have no reason, I have to relax!!

Now here is my confession, but don't judge me. Last week was horrible. I guess PMSing and hormones (sorry if any guys are reading this!), but I had a real hard time enjoying my kids. I told Jarrod to pray for me b/c by Thursday I felt really bad about this. I love my children and will do anything in the world for them, I just didn't want to be around them! We went and did some things with friends and had fun, but at home, I wanted them to do their own thing and I wanted them to leave me alone! I am finally past that, woohoo!! I do think we all need breaks and time away! I am having to get used to being with them 24/7, I'm used to them being in preschool or with a sitter while I worked....this takes a lot of self sacrifice being a mommy all the time!! Sometimes I do envy the moms that go to work, although I wouldn't trade what God has me doing for the world!! I only have a wee bit of time to mold them into what God wants them to be molded into!! Training time is so important and I will grasp that with my very being!! So I hope I'm not completely abnormal and I didn't just turn any readers away!!

Now onto Noah Jack! He has been having this problem ever so often with his tonsil swelling up and getting a low grade fever. The doctors said if this continues he will have to see the ent and have his tonsils and adnoids removed. Now I know this is a very routine procedure and I have nothing against those that have done it....I don't have mine anymore, they were removed when I was 2! I just am not at peace about it. I'm not sure why God has me uneasy about it, but I am! So we are believing for a complete healing. Noah told me yesterday that God can make him better than any medicine can......oh the faith of a child. I do believe that he spoke his healing into existence!! A week ago I read the benefits of coconut oil, not only to cook with, but the many, numerous others! One of these being throat infections. I don't believe it was coincidental that I read this....so here we are trying this natural remedy!! We might also try the chiropractor too and see what might happen!! But we are believing for a complete healing!! All that said, we were joining a group from our church going to IHOP (International House of Prayer, not the pancakes!). I have been really excited about this, b/c I have yet to go and have really been looking forward to it for me, and for the children to participate in the children's activities! But I decided to not go and let Noah rest! He is much better now, but I don't need to push him. The thought crossed my mind to go and just keep trecking, but how selfish of me that would be! I think he needs to rest and the best place is here! So thank you Lord for helping me not be selfish and want to give to my child, more than my own wants and wishes!

Recently I had 2 friends, from completely different necks of the woods, one in Alabama and one in Georgia, mention Proverbs 14:4...."Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; But much increase comes by the strength of the ox." Now we have no ox here, but I do have children and all I can say about this is "wow". I like that word alot, lol!! My children are little for only a season and it's okay if my house isn't featured on Clean House!! The Lord has set this time aside for us to be a family and "train" them in the things of the Lord! My prayer through homeschooling is that we will create a bond so tight in our family unit that nothing that the enemy tries to do will tear it apart. This family is one that the Lord orchestrated and we will play music unlike any other! I do believe in the power of prayer and the Lord being the foundation of the home. I pray that we will always live this way and that any idols will be set aside and layed down. I recently had to confess to the Lord that I have put the computer and tv above Him.....that's a hard pill to swallow, confessing that. So He is helping me overcome that and put Him back on top where He belongs!!

I want to encourage you today to rest in the Lord.....that's what this day is about. While I missed going to our church building, we still had church here! We are the church, what we go to is just a building. While it's good to have a corporate worship, don't get caught up in that. Be the church. I'll leave you with my favorite all time bible verse Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Just trust......God will never let you down!!

Sorry if this was all over the place, just had some things on my heart!! Blessings to you today!! The pictures I left you with are Jonah playing in the pool, Hannah and her friend Katie at VBS, Noah playing in the back yard, and my silly "big kid" Jarrod playing at Water Day at church!!

Girls, girls, girls!

Hello again!! Just had one of my muffins and they are pretty good!! Not sure I used enough lemon zest, but there's always next time!! I enjoyed them, even if my family doesn't!! And they are all "clean" ingredients, which is a major plus!!

Ok, onto my girls title.....sheesh, why do we have the emotions that we do? I'm not sure if I'm alone in my feelings, but sometimes I feel like I am!! I am too sensitive at times, I have to "keep up" with others and have the latest things they do, or better yet one up them so I look like I have it more together than they do, we always want to get that last punch (I mean word) in there b/c we don't want to seem weak, feeling the need to defend ourselves, when our defender is truly God. We go running to each other about our life situtations and drama, only to have them help us hype it up more than it should be. We often times don't want to speak the truth into their lives b/c we don't want to step on toes.....good golly Miss Molly!! So many more emotions that I can't think of at the moment, only speaking current things in my life!!

The true one we should run to is God. I often find myself wanting to call and tell someone about something that happened instead of running to the one who ultimately has the answer. Prime example.....got my feelings hurt yesterday (a stupid thing), b/c my parenting was criticized by a close friend. This friend wasn't doing it in a mean way, and I am quite sure she didn't mean it the way I took it (PMS can mess with all of us at times), but I had to vent and get if off my chest and express my hurt feelings and get someone to justify my feelings. So I called mom and she always makes me feel better!! Then I had to tell Jarrod and another friend, you know I just had to let people know that I got my feelings hurt and I wouldn't do this to anyone else, hahaha! I mess up too!! What is wrong with me......why didn't I run to my Father, who heals all wounds, who would make me feel like I am loved, accepted and received (motto at my church!), but no, I need others to make me feel justified in my feelings. While yes, it's okay to have a "safe" person to talk to, there is no need to have lots of "safe" people, b/c then it just turns into gossip!  And people can't fix our problems, God can and will if we allow Him into our lives to do so! There are times where He puts someone on my heart to go to at that particular time, and I do b/c maybe the Lord has given them wisdom with a particular situation that I am going through. I will learn to run to the Father first and foremost......I am going to keep repeating this to myself and speak it into existence!!

Why do friendships as adults have to be so hard....expecially with girlfriends? What happened to the good ole days when friendship was just pure and simple, families got together and "hung" out and fellowshiped and built each other up......they were there for each other. This is so hard to find now a days.....at least in my world. I have many, many friends, many of which I can call on in a moments notice and they will be there for me, and I appreciate that more than words can express!! The family friends thing is where I struggle. How can I be so close to people, without it being a family thing. My family means so much to me, so why wouldn't I invite a friend and their family to become family friends, instead of just "Amy's" friends? I'm realizing that I am going to have to cut some of this out and although it might be a tough thing, I have to do what my heart is telling me! Does it mean I'll never have a girls night again, absolutely not! But I do want my family, as a family unit that God created, to have active family relationships with people that uplift us, encourage us, and are there for us. Isn't this what God created human beings for? We are to be there for one another. The thought keeps crossing my mind......it's not all about me.

I am entering a time in my life where my life will be my family, and while yes, I'm sure we'll get tired of each other at times, we are family! We are there for each other and we will surroud ourselves with likeminded friends!! Okay, off my soapbox.....just needed to get out some of these feelings and maybe others that are going through this can rest in this.......God is there for us, always, never a moment goes by that He doesn't think about us or want us to call on Him. I have to remind myself of this often and often I do forget! I don't want this blog to be about just venting, I want there to be a solid answer and uplifting thing to go along with it! God knows my desires and requests and I know He has a perfect plan for my family. My job is to sit in His presence and listen and follow and obey!! I hope I don't scare anyone off by being "real", I too struggle with many things in my life and it's only with God's grace can I get through them! Bless you all today!!

blah, blah, blah!

Good afternoon! Been meaning to write for a while, but haven't stopped long enough to do so!! So get ready, cause it might be a long one, lol!! As I am typing, I have lemon muffins in the oven! They are starting to smell good! It's my first time making them, so I'm hoping they turn out good!! The last ones I did were banana muffins and they were a huge hit around here!! Will definetly be doing those again!! Hannah is asleep and the boys are suppossed to be, but at the moment they are talking in their beds!! Sweet brotherly bonding I guess!!

I have a sad heart today. One of Jarrod's co-worker's lost her son on Saturday. He was 16 and when they went to tell him lunch was ready, he was slumped over. They did CPR until the ambulance got there, they worked on him for a bit, then the hospital tried for an hour to get him back, with no avail. After an autopsy, they found out he had a blood clot that ruptured in his brain. My heart just breaks, I can't imagine how this mom must feel, her only child is now gone. The really sad thing is that the mom and dad don't know the Lord. I'm not sure where the son stood, but I pray that he is in heaven. Jarrod and I were talking about this how we feel there is a purpose for this happening. God's hand is on everything. I pray that through this the mom and dad will see God's love for them in a way they never had before, that their spiritual eyes will be opened. This has been 2 young men recently that have left this earth so early in life, and I just can't wrap my brain around it. I don't question God as to why, there are reasons, whether it be from freedom of choice or possibly to bring light to someone else, or a million other reasons. But nonetheless, it's very saddening. I just look at my babies and just want to hold them even tighter!

Okay, on to something lighter!! I had plans this morning to do homeschool.....fail!! I slept a little later than I intended, the kids got to playing, had a couple of phone calls that I needed to make/take and here it is naptime!! I was watching my children as I was making my lunch (they had already eaten, you know they eat first, lol!), and they amazed me. I was watching as they played pretend mom and dad for about 2 hours, nicely I might add!! Jonah had "a wreck" and the dad had to take him to the hospital. The compassion that Noah had on Jonah was overwhelming. Children do what they see adults do. The most inspirational adults in their lives are their parents! When I saw my children doing the things they were doing playing together today, it made me feel a sense of pride (in a humble way!)! They are treating each other the way that they see us treating them!!

This makes my heart swell with joy, b/c I don't always feel like a "great" mom!! But I know that my children are soaking up the things that I am sowing into to them! One of the things that I wanted to do today was do Bible/art together, where we will make the fruits of the spirit and talk about them. I think when they wake up from naptime we will!! But here I am watching them walk in the fruit of the spirit, how amazing is that!! As I was watching and realizing how much I have been stressing homeschool, I realized that the things they are doing, is in a way homeschooling!! They were working together as a team to figure out problems and doing it loving manner!! Yes, I will be teaching them academically and they will be prepared for college or whatever path they choose, but most IMPORTANTLY, Jarrod and I are teaching them to walk with the Lord. This is my book is more important than anything else, and to see the fruit from it.......WOW, is all I can say!! Does it mean they are perfect, hahaha, no!! But they are getting it! After all, I'm not perfect either!!

I really am getting excited about homeschooling!! And I'm finding myself getting quite defensive of it if someone says negative things!! I not saying it's for everyone, every child is different and has different needs/learning styles. The thing that I don't like to hear people is say "I'm just can't homeschool my children". That's like saying you can't "parent" them. Whether parents like it or not, we are their primary teachers in life. Like I said, I'm not saying it's the answer to all, it's just what we feel God has for our family at the present time!! I just really get frustrated when people are closed minded to it.....I was there once myself, lol!! I remember saying that I will not be a homeschooler, but guess what, God had other plans for us!! I personally feel that it is so important to prepare the children spiritually at this time in their life, especially b/c they are like sponges soaking up everything.....good and bad. So yes, I feel the need to shelter them from the ugliness of the world, in order to prepare them with the TRUTH of God's word so when they step out in it on their own, I feel like I have prepared them, which is what training a child is all about. Okay, off my soapbox!! This is my place to vent, b/c I would never "attack" someone over what they believe. My parenting got somewhat "criticized" the other day, and it hurt my feelings, but I'm just going to shrug it off and move on! I know that I fail often times on my parenting, but I also know that I am getting things right and I have good children!

I had so much on my heart and now I am at a loss for words, I guess that means I can share more later!! I have a Noah Jack who doesn't seem to want to nap, so I guess I can go and snuggle and possibly get him to drift off to dreamland!! Blessings to you all today!! This picture is from Father's Day!! I love these guys and gal more than words could ever express!!