I am so thankful.......

Good evening friends! I am sitting here in a quiet house.....all the kiddos are sleeping and Jarrod got called back out to work, so here I am, all alone!! I'm exhausted, yet refreshed from God's presence!!

This weekend was a wonderful weekend, filled with cleaning, family, birthday party, church, worship, fellowship with friends, grilling out and ordering pizza!! Life doesn't get much better than that!!

We had some guests come over after church on Sunday, and it was quite delightful!! Not only did we get to bless and fellowship, but the Lord sent them with a word for us too, well, quite a few words and boy was it encouraging!!

Upon arriving, I gave the grand tour of our home, showing the kitchen, my bedroom, the kids bedrooms, living room, school room, dining!! We worked hard on Saturday cleaning it, so I was quite pleased about that, lol!! After a great visit for a few hours, everyone departed and we got the kids to bed and  Jarrod and I stayed up talking about the days events.

Then the Lord revealed something to me. As I was showing our house, I was almost ashamed that we don't have an actual house, we have a town house. I'm not quite sure why I feel this way, except that I have let others influence what I think I "should" have. Wow, forgive me Father for being unappreciative. I am very fond of our house, in fact, it's HOME, and it's quite cozy! It is plenty big for us at the moment, and often remember that the Lord knows our needs before we even do! Who says I need a huge house, it would only be more to clean!!

As the children were playing out back today, I was thinking about all the things my backyard has been.....a ball field, a track, a battlefield, a house, a pool, and so many other things that my wonderful children and their imaginations have made it! No it's not the huge backyard that I one day long for, but it's mine!!

Our hearts have shifted in our wants!! We want for our next home a small farm so that we can have a garden, some cows, chickens, and whatever else God puts on our hearts! Mainly so we can provide the needs for our family within our own home! But......all that, God put on our heart, so why do I need to rush it? God knows the perfect place that we need to be!

We sit between two elderly couples (both probably in their 80's), who we constantly talk with, laugh with, and help out! I never thought I would speak this way to an elderly man, but I had to tell my neighbor to let go of his trash can so that Noah could walk it to the street for him! He didn't need to walk out there! I asked him if anyone had ever talked to him that way, and he said as a matter of fact, no! I told him it's a good thing that he loves me!! :)

So I know, if nothing else, that God has us here for these two couples!! So I had to do some repenting for not being content and letting what others have said make me think the same thing!! (and quite a few others have told me that I NEED  bigger house!!). I really think it'll be funny if God has us adopt while we are still here!!

And just so none are worried.....it's a 3 bedroom townhouse, the size of a freestanding home....only we don't have to do yardwork, lol!! That is provided!!

So I am counting all my blessings this evening, and I know that I am the daughter of the Most High King, and He meets all my needs according to His riches in glory!! He knows my desires and my needs, and He has the perfect things for me! But I am to learn to be content in whatever state I am!!

So I encourage you.....no matter what voids might be in your life right now, and some have many, many voids.....I encourage you to look at what you DO HAVE, instead of what you do not have! Thank the Father for all that He has blessed you with and trust that He has your best interest in mind! In fact, God has me in Matthew lately, and He took me to Matthew 7:9-11 "Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" WOW.....that's all I can say!! God gives great gifts, and knows when we need them!! Be blessed my friend!!

My wonderful family on our trip to the Apple Orchard!!

Security.....

Good afternoon my friends!! It is very quiet in my house right now.....the children are napping and the rain is falling outside, I LOVE IT!!

God gave me a little revelation last week and I've been trying to put my thoughts together to write this blog!! Not planning on being long winded, but who knows, lol!! I received this while cleaning a house! When I am cleaning, I am alone and the customer isn't home. So what better time to spend talking with the Father! Even though it's work, it's quite relaxing to me, b/c I can actually talk with Him (interruption free) and hear Him! Not that I can't at other times, but there's something about being away from my home and my callings and being somewhere else!! Okay, that said, here goes......

We attend a wonderful church, Southside Christian Fellowship! It's not a perfect church, but then again, there is no perfect church! Everyone/every place has flaws and things to be improved, but that's the beautiful thing....God's not finished with us yet! And by the way, we are the church, not a building! A couple of years ago, Jarrod and I took over the children's ministry. This was definetely from the Lord and His leading! While we have made some changes, I do often long for more, but also trusting in His timing. Do I feel we are doing everything right, by golly no way! But we are diligently trying to seek the Lord on how to run His children's ministry at this church! Okay, sorry, completely bunny trailed there, didn't mean to do that, but guess it was on my heart! Onto the real thing....

We have been at the church for at least 8 years, but Jarrod has been longer, so needless to say our children have grown up here! They should be used to going, right? They should be used to going to class, right? After all, sometimes we are in there with them, we are up there probably more than some are......But they are not always happy about going to class. They have all gone through this, it seems at the age of 3 & 4. Some days they will go in class fine without any kicking and screaming; some days....ummmm, not so much! Sometimes it depends on the teachers, other times they would do it no matter who is in there. With us being in the position that we are, this is really frustrating and rather embarrassing. After all, I should control my children, right? HAHAHAHA, and really not let them be children and express emotion right? I often times find myself apologizing, when in reality I shouldn't, b/c they are just that, CHILDREN! We have handled the "fits" so to say in various ways....we have disciplined them, let them stay in church with us, or dragged them in the class kicking and screaming (yes, I mean literally) and left them there (rest assured, they always calm down).

As some know, I have started homeschooling my children this year. So the question comes to mind, am I with them too much that when I leave them they act this way? Well, I have no other problem with them when leaving them with friends, so I really don't feel this is the answer. Last week God showed me about the security that they have in me. They are, in no way, in danger or a bad situation at church, but maybe they need to be with me. Jarrod recently read a book that talked about the Holy Spirit in them is no younger than the Holy Spirit in us....there is no age on the Spirit! Maybe they need to be sitting in church. Now the way that they communicate this to us is the reason for discipline in the past. We have talked to them about talking with us, not screaming, etc to get the point across to us! Would it be easier for me to focus if they are in class, absolutely, but there is a reason that they want to sit with me and Jarrod.......they feel SECURE.

You know that thing everyone talks about, Childlike Faith. Well, this secure thing, we should grab a hold of it, like our children often do. We are to rest securly in Christ's arms, right? But so many times, we carry burdens that He NEVER meant for us to carry, yet we still do. I'm going to be very transparent here, and tell you a burden that I carry way more than I should.....I think I need to carry the burden of finances. Now yes, everyone has to budget and plan, and we all have decisions to make regarding how we spend God's money (yes, I just said God's money....He provides the jobs that we all carry, and it's His money). We are faithful in tithing (ok, we sometimes fail here, but we have a gracious God), so His word says in Philippians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." So why do I carry this, do I not rest securely in Him that He will provide?

Okay, so now that I have been a bit transparent, I want to share another scripture that God revealed today. I wanted to find scripture on being secure, but I hadn't looked up any yet! I knew what I wanted to write, but needed the scripture! Deuteronomy 33:12 says "About Benjamin he said: 'Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between His shoulders." We are to rest secure in Him, and rest on Him......wow, He's got us covered.

I have a new appreciation for the children wanting to be with me and me being their security......b/c it's a picture of what my walk with the Lord should be like. I need Him and want Him beside me every step that I take, I am only secure when He is with me. So be encouraged, He wants you to rest securely in Him, it blesses Him... He designed us to need Him. Run to Him.....rest in His security! Be blessed my friend!!

The picture is from a recent mini photo shoot we did with the children! Here they ran to me knowing that in me that they would find security.....I love this picture!

Matthew 5:37......

Good evening my friends!! I hope this blog finds everyone well!! I sometimes feel when I write that I am back in the old days writing back home to some family or friends that I am far away from! I really do miss the days of letters or cards. I used to send them often and LOVED getting them in the mail.....hmmmm, maybe I should start that again!! I've been meaning to write for a while, but haven't had much time! So here I am, children are all tucked in their bed and fast asleep at 8pm, Jarrod is working late, and I have a quite and somewhat clean house to myself!

I've had a lot on my mind lately and praying about what exactly I need to blog about, and what better thing to talk about than the thing that God is working on me with!! Hmmmm, being transparent maybe will help someone else through it, not sure, but I'm going to be transparent!

If you know me personally, you know my heart and love for helping others. I LOVE people, and I want to do so many things to help them. In fact, so many times I lay aside my personal feelings/exhaustedness/whatever other emotions to cater to others. So the other day I asked the Lord how much is too much. What if I give all of myself to others that I have none left for me, or even for me to spend time with Him. This is really a tough one, b/c we are supposed to have a servant's heart, right?

Well today, Matthew 5:37 came to me "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No' be 'No'. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." I have read this over and over and I have told my children this several times over and over, lol!! In that people can turn it into much condemnation towards others. Sometimes we are quick to speak, which the Bible warns us about doing, and don't think about the answer we should be giving, or seek the Lord for that answer. Many of times I have had to change my answer to my children b/c I answered before really thinking about what I answering yes too......(like maybe, "Mom, can I go and crack some eggs for you". Me not thinking, sure honey, and as I hear the first egg crack, I think 'oh crap, what did I just tell them?')....So therefore, sometimes we do have to change our answers sometimes. And there are other times where our circumstances may change, so we have to change a yes answer to a no.....(ex. maybe I was to go to dinner with a girlfriend, but Jarrod has to work late last minute, so plans had to change!)..

But today, God revealed this to me in a new way. What if I tell someone yes that I will do something for them, but deep in my heart the answer is no. I really don't want to do it, but I really want to help that person, so I answer yes, b/c I know it will bless them (and this is a BIG lesson in my home lately). So what is my true answer? Hmmmmm, makes you think, right? (ok, sorry, think I am using hmmmmm too much, lol!). A friend helped me understand that with all my willingness to help others is really seeking to please people. Ouch, that truth hurt there. I am seeking to please people. I have such a giving heart, but something else God revealed to me today kinda hurt. I am trying to save different people from things in their life, almost being their saviour. Oooohhhhh, that stinks. There is only one Saviour and that is our Lord Jesus Christ, so who am I to think that I can do that for others.

Now I know that God has given me a love for people, but that doesn't mean that I have to do absolutely everything that they ask of me. Wow, really God, why haven't I realized this before! So many times in my life, b/c I have such a giving heart, I have been majorly taken advantage of! I remember this one time in high school, a friend of mine wrote a note from a teacher to get her boyfriend out of class, as a matter of fact is was 2 notes. When she got caught, she asked me if I would take the blame for one of those notes. I agreed, b/c I wanted her to like me and I didn't think it was too bad. I ended up with detention and having to write an essay, but the principal (who was a family friend) never really thought I did it.....he knew that I wouldn't. So can someone please tell me why in the world I would take the blame? Crazy, huh......So I have had my fair share of getting run over!!

So now, I am having to learn my limits and balance my life. I am in a new season of my life, which I love more than I ever could have thought possible. I am embracing the very things that God has blessed me with, and although it's not all peachy, I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars! The past month of so I have had much chaos in my life, some self induced and some by trying to help others. It has truly interrupted my homeschooling days, and while I know there will be some interruptions, I am trying to decide how much we truly need. It seems the minute I got our chore packs written for the children to do each morning before school, we'll get going for a few days, then something will happen and it will take almost a week to get back on track! Seems kinda crazy how all that works, but it really turns my world upside down!

I want to be used for ministry and however/whatever ways that God sees fit, but my FIRST ministry is to Him, My Husband, and My Children. I seemed to have misplaced that order somewhere along the past few weeks, but I am going to get it straight! I am confessing all this to first off, get it off my chest, and second off to hopefully to have some accountability to learn when to say yes and when to say no!

I once read a devotion that talks about all the good things that there is a chance for us to do. It's learning to look at all those 'good' things and asking God what would be the 'best' for us to do. So many things might be the best, but not at that particular season in our life! I am a person that when I get passionate about something, I run after it full force with so much zeal, b/c that is what is on my heart. So when I am running at 100 different things, I am not truly putting my best into anything that I am doing. When I work, I want to do it as unto the Lord, but I can't give my 100% if I am exhausted from all the responsiblities that I've obligated myself to!

Okay, well I think I've been long winded enough! I pray that this will encourage someone out there and maybe shed some light on something someone else might be going through!! Be encouraged if you are overwhelmed, sit before the Lord and ask Him what His perfect plan is for your life, what all should be on your plate and what should be removed. He loves you so much and has plans for your life, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. And I want to leave you with this last scripture, Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me"......what an awesome thing! Be blessed dear child of God! (leaving you with a picture of the loves of my life, and my wonderful blessings from above!)

Adoption........and why my heart is here!!

Good evening dear friends! Hope everyone is resting in the love and grace of abiding in God's presence!! Today has been a great day!! Church this morning, followed by an afternoon of rest, then playing in the yard (loving this weather) and now the babies are down I can blog and write my heart!! I'm just loving this season that God has me in with being a full time mommy!! I had a hard time at first transitioning in, but now, I know what God created me for!!

A few months ago, as we were getting ready for church God spoke to my heart very clearly that we are suppossed to adopt. As I sat there, I thought "Yes Lord, I'm on board, but you have to tell Jarrod, it won't be me that convinces him". When Jarrod came in the room a few moments later, I said with excitement that God has just shared something with me, but told God that he had tell Jarrod. Then I told him about adoption. His response was "Yeah, God will have to tell me that one, b/c I'm just not sure". So I let it lie and just prayed. About 3 weeks later Jarrod came to me and said "Ok, God told me that we are to adopt". So I was so ecstatic, but know that it has to be in God's timing, not mine....although I am terribly ready!! Shortly after that our conversation turned into talking about a children's home......but more about that later, God's doing some things on that one!!

A few weeks ago, a friend let me borrow a book "The Spirit of Adoption" by Randy and Kelsey Bohlender. Now I already knew that we are to adopt, but Lori and Virgil both told me that this book will tear me up......and boy did it! See, what this couple has done is amazing and they are walking in Kingdom, they are bringing heaven to earth by hearing the Father's heart for these children. I don't want to write an entire book about the book, I recommend b/c it's a great book, but I want to put a few things that really stood out to me!

Psalm 127: 4 says "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth." When in battle, you use arrows, and they can go father than you can go, when they are properly released. When you train a child in the ways of the Lord, he/she will be as an arrow and go out in the world and spread the word....the word that you have trained them in. Wow, do you know how many people we can reach with our children and teaching them walk in abiding love with Christ.

I'll be honest, I used to think that people that had a lot of children were pretty crazy....why would they want that headache? But now, I am ready to trade in my car for a 15 passenger van and train my children for His kingdom. The Bible also says that children are a blessing from the Lord, they are a reward. Why would we not want a great reward. The more children that we have, whether birthed or adopted, we extend our influence beyond the seventy-some years that most people spend on this earth. We reach generations way beyond ours, b/c what we train our children in, our children will train theirs, and so on......We will change the world.

There is so much other stuff I can share about the book, but I highly recommend getting the book and reading it....it will bless you! The song comes to mind that we recently sang at church, they lyrics go...."I am royalty, I have destiny, I have been set free, I'm gonna shape history". I want more children to love on and give a home and I want to shape history....for His glory! So here is my heart!! After reading the book, I decided to look at DHR's website at the foster children in the system and my heart broke even more......the siblings, special needs, teenagers, young children.....all of them.......wanting someone to love them and accept them as they are. After seeing quite a few teenagers, I realized some of my heart for wanting so badly to adopt! So here is the short version of why........

When I was conceived, my parents were not married. They were just 18, having just graduated high school. Several family members, including my dad, wanted my mom to abort me. But she didn't want to do that, praise the Lord, He had/has some big plans for my life!! So they got married, only to divorce when I was about 4 months old. I don't fault them, they shouldn't have gotten married just b/c of being pregnant, of course, they shouldn't have gotten pregnant outside of marriage either. But the word says that He knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb, so praise God, He had a perfect plan!

My mom got married a second time to my stepfather, who adopted me. To this day, I haven't asked the reason for this. I have forgiven my birth father (both for not "wanting" me in the beginning as well as letting another man raise me), as the Bible says to "Forgive others so that you may be forgiven", and I have a relationship with him. My children know him as their grandfather. God can restore relationships!

Through various trials and life, my mom and I have drifted apart in relationship (that's another BOOK for another time, my whole life is a book!), and while I love her, we can't have a normal relationship. We talk occassionally, but it's not what I hope that my daughter and I will have. And please don't judge or think that I am not respectful of my parents, I fully respect. I also allow the Spirit to guide me in my boundaries!

Because of these odd relationships with my parents I don't fully have a place to call home. I have a small hometown that I came from, and that I love to go back to. When we do travel back to Alabama, it's a toss up of two aunts for who we will stay with. The problem sometimes is that I feel like we inconveince them when we come. It's not just me, it's my family of 5. We always have a great time, but I know everyone gets exhausted when we come.... I have 3 full of life children. This is sometimes very hard that I have NO place to fully call home....to go back to.....

As I was looking over the DHR list and picture profiles, I saw numerous teenagers about to turn 18 and be out on their own, and I thought about them and that they have no home, no family. Soon they will be out on their own. I want so desperately to give them a home, a family, a heritage in the Lord and give them the Love that the Lord intended for every child to feel and receive. I'm ready for what the Lord has for my family.....I'm ready to add to our family as many children as the Lord will bless us with....

Jarrod is on board, but we know it's not time yet. We feel God is preparing us spiritually and we know that He is going before us to open the doors that need to be opened. Thank you Jesus that you love us just this much to get it ready! We have talked with our children about orphans and that they have no mommy or daddy. We have talked with them about bringing some home to live with us so that they can be a part of our family, and they seemed excited! One night as we were talking, Noah said "mommy, we can even adopt someone with brown skin". See, my children don't see color, they think we are all made the same, and we are!! We see the heart and not the color! God knows the perfect child that needs to be with our family, and I can't wait to meet them!!

So there is a tad bit of my testimony and my heart as to why I want to adopt!! God has some big things planned for the Thorpe family and I can't wait! I already see Him moving in my family, and I'm beginning to see some fruits of my labor while I am home with my children. I'm not perfect, neither are they, but we have Jesus to forgive us and help us on our way!! Thank you for reading this and I hope it will bless you and encourage you to pray about adoption. I'm not sure that everyone is meant to adopt, but there are so many ways you can help others with adoption and of course you can pray! There are so many babies being aborted everyday and if we just show those moms that these sweet babies are wanted, then we can change their hearts!

I'm leaving you with a few pics from a recent trip we took to see some dear friends! We went to the beach and it was so wonderful!! Be blessed!!

You're Never Giving Up......Thank you Jesus!

Hello my friends!! I hope this finds you all doing well!! I have had so many things on my heart to share, but haven't!! Tonight as I am cleaning the kitchen and having worship the Lord stirred my heart so much! Forgive me if I seem to babble or seem a little out of it.....I am caught up in the Spirit right now!! I want to start off with prayer first for the one reading this, so here goes....

Father,
I thank you for your unfailing love and mercy. Thank you for your forgiveness and grace that you pour out on us each morning! I ask that you pour out many, many blessings over the one reading this, I pray for a refreshing in their spirit, that they will feel you in a deeper and more intimate way. Thank you that your word says that the joy of the Lord is our strength, so I pray that joy over my friend.....they will have new strength like no other by the joy that you bring them. I pray that no weapon that forms against them shall prosper, but they will have victory over their enemies. Speak to my friend as they lie down at night, give them a peaceful and restful night's sleep when they lay down, let them rest in Your arms trusting that You love them so much more than they could ever fully realize. Send them dreams and visions revealing your perfect plan for their life. I thank you for loving us so much that you sent your son. I praise you and love you. In Jesus name, Amen.

I want to start off with sharing the words to this new song that we have completely fallen in love with....it's part of why I feel so out of it right now. It's by Jonathan David Helser and it's called "You're Never Giving Up". The first time Jarrod played this song for me, I just teared up and wanted to fall over like a baby and cry. I cannot begin to even fathom His love for us, and that He never gives up on us. Okay, here I am tearing up again.....so here are the words!

-Your love, it never quits, it never stops chasing my soul, Before I was even in my mother's womb you knew me, you loved me. Even in my sin Lord, you wouldn't stop. Everytime I'd run away you'd come chasing me. Papa, you won't let go of me, even in my sin and even in my mess. I turned and started coming home after I'd wasted your inheritance, you jumped off the porch and with a ring and a robe, you came running for me. You never stopped, you just grabbed a hold of my soul, you said my son's come home, let's throw a party for him, he's home. He once was dead, he's alive; he once was blind, now he can see. My Father, what can I do to say thank you? to say I love you? I give you my heart, my soul, all that I am. You came running for me. You've never given up on me. Your love never fails, it never ends, you never stop chasing my soul. So I break open this bottle, I break open my heart and I pour it all on you Lord, I wanna waste my life on You, you are so worthy, you gave it all, I wanna give it all, every drop, my heart bleeds for you. Every tear that I weep, you come down and catch and say this is the one I love. I don't care what people in the room say, I only wanna please you to see you smile, to make you happy. I just want to spend the rest of my life loving  you. You don't stop loving me, I can't stop loving you.....and so it goes on.....-

This song is so beautiful and really speaks to my heart everytime I listen to it! I want to share now how this completely ministers to me.....

I haven't always had the best/easiest life, but I have a wonderful Father in heaven who has grown me from the past and my hurts, mistakes, and disappointment. I'm sure there are so many other emotions I could list, but will stop there! So many of my relationships have been based on my performance, and what I could do for that person. I have learned, though it was hard, that my parents and the ones raising me did the best they could with what they knew how to do. Things spoken over me, they didn't realize the death their words had. We are to speak words of life, and we ALL at times forget that. When I read the bible and the story of the prodigal son it just melts my heart when I think this is how God is with us. Even when I disobey, turn my back on Him, don't walk on the path He wants me on......He runs to me when I come home. He's constantly chasing my soul, yearning for me to be abiding in Him constantly......Wow.....He loves me without expecting anything in return, but He longs for that fellowship. There is no relationship based on expectation, or when I fail, He doesn't say "No way, been there done that, not doing it again". Instead He says " Welcome back my Beloved, I've missed you and I love you so much, let me share my heart with you". I pray that I can be this kind of parent to my children. I sometimes forget and I get disappointed with my children and don't want to be "nice" to them, but boy am I so wrong in this......Father, help me.

I just want to encourage you that no matter what is happening in your life, no matter what you have done, what has been done to you.......God wants all of you! He wants you to abide with Him in a daily/24/7 relationship. He wants all your hurts, pains, tears, love, worship, victories, brokeness, disobedience, everything, every emotion you could think possible.......He wants all of you! He will run to you with a ring and a robe and throw a party for you......it will be the best party you have ever been to when you rest in Him....I pray for you and that you will encounter God in a new way. He wants you back......He forgives you, He loves you, He's there with His arms wide open and ready to receive you.....Run to Him

I added a picture of a lighthouse. This particular one is from a beach trip we recently took. It sits in the middle of the water. I see you as a lighthouse surrounded by water. You may think this isn't good. Just picture the water as God's love surrounding you. You can't move any way without His love being wrapped around you. You are the light sitting in the middle of it, shining this love that He has for you over others!! Okay lighthouse, be encouraged!! I pray many blessings over you!!

Good evening friends!! I'm not real sure what this is going to be exactly about, but I felt like writing! I've been in this mode lately where anything, I mean ANYTHING can tear me up. I don't feel like I am a usualy crying kind of girl, but maybe I am turning into one!! Good things make me cry, bad things make me cry, sad things make me cry, my kids make me cry, God makes me cry just at the thought of His love for me and my undeserving self! Wow, I'm just tearing up thinking of all those things....arg....

On facebook I've joined the group "You know your from Eclectic if...". Eclectic is my small, one stop light town, that I grew up in! I loved it in so many ways, yet I was biting at the bit to get away from it for more than one reason. As I'm reading some of these things, I'm remembering so much of my childhood and high school days, just reading those things and it brings such a smile to my face. So much of my childhood I have blocked out, b/c it wasn't always a picture perfect family....in fact it was quite the opposite. I feel God has been so gracious to allow me to hold on to the good things from those times and the others....well, they are lost somewhere in God's hands so I don't have to hold on to them! So this bit that I am reading on facebook just makes me smile....about the sweet Coach Brown, who left this earth far earlier than anyone would have liked, and how everyone knows everyone's business, the pep rallies on fridays and hanging out in the parking lots. So much of that I sort of wish I could give my children, those seemed like pure and simple days. But the truth is....life isn't what it was back when I was young. God has put such a burden on my heart to protect my children and train them in His ways, and I'm going to go after this steadfastly.....yes, even on the hardest days!

So I'm going to rewind back to the magazine I referenced last night "Above Rubies" and add some more. The article that I am going to reference is called An Overflowing Land. I am going to give a lot of scriptures here and maybe share what they mean to my life! Joshua 1:9 says "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Isn't this great, He never leaves us....He doesn't just put it in our hearts and tell us what to do, but He actually goes with us every step of the way! Another thing said here is "God does not leave you to mother your children on your own. He is right beside you, backing you all the way. He is with you constantly and watches over the walls of your home. His eyes are always upon you in your land of motherhood, 'from beginning of the year even unto the end of the year'(Deut 11:12). You can call upon Him at any moment. He is your source of widsom and daily strength-and His resources never run out! You will be amazed at how you cope when you take your eyes off your problems and turn them upon the Lord! The psalmist proclaims, 'Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me' (Psalm 138:7). Often our difficulties don't go away, but God has promised to revive and refresh as we go through them!"

Another one......"Our land of motherhood should always be enlarging (children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren). It's interesting that Satan wants to minimize the literal land of Israel, or hopefully eradicate it from the earth. He knows if He can do that, He wipes out the Bible which is filled with prophecy for Israel. He also works to minimize the land of motherhood or diminish it altogether. He hates life and tries to stop it every way he can. But don't let your land be diminished-you belong to a large land." I've realized the lie that the enemy has been spreading in my head over the past 6 years.....oh you have to work to help support the family to do you part. My job, that God has made clear several times, is to be a mom and wife. My "job" is to train my children in the way of the Lord. Psalm 127:3-5 says "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." I want my arrows to be sharp in their knowledge and relationship with the Lord....most importantly their relationship!!

It tickles me pink...yes I just said that....when I hear my children say "thank you Lord". It's so cool when you go to the store, and God decides to give you a special kiss that day and you get a close parking spot! So I'll just quietly say "Thank you Lord." Well the kids have picked that up and they say it whenever we get any parking spot!! They do as I do!!

Jarrod and I had some announcements to make Sunday at church regarding the children's ministry. Jarrod does the talking b/c I don't like being in front of people on a microphone! While watching a slideshow from our fun water day, the Lord kept pressing on my heart to share, so I told him to hand me the mic!! I shared what I had witnessed in my children with the way they treated each other, and how it warmed my heart, b/c I knew that I was getting something right, b/c they were doing things that Jarrod and I do. Then other times I see them doing some not so good things, and it made me sad. Our children have us as their guide.....and what they see us do, they will do. If we dance before the Lord, they will dance; if we spend time in worship and prayer, they will; if we sit and watch tv all day, they will also. They mock us, so we need to make sure we realize that the training goes beyond our words. What's important to us is important to them!!

Okay, well that's enough for now. I've rambled some and this may make absolutely no sense, but I am no longer teary eyed, feel a little weight off my heart, so I think maybe this ministered to someone!! I'm leaving with a picture from our anniversary weekend away at Toccoa Falls. I will be blogging about it soon, but still need to gather all my thoughts!! There is a great book "Dam break in Georgia" about the actual dam break in 1977. I recommend reading it and I have a copy if you would like to borrow it! It was such an uplifting thing to read about this town that lost 20 children and 19 adults (I think was the totals, forgive me if wrong), yet through it all, they gave thanks to God. They never lost sight of this.....such an amazing testimony!! I know God brought us to this little town, but I'm getting a head of myself, that's for later!! Anyway, here is a BEAUTIFUL picture of the waterfall, not sure the picture does justice, but it's beautiful and so peaceful. Both Jarrod and I could really feel the presence of the Lord, and heard Him more clearly than either have in a while!! Be blessed!!

I love when God speaks to my heart!!

Good evening!! It's almost midnight and although I planned to write this tomorrow, Jarrod just got called out to work, so I figured I would go ahead!! I will go ahead and warn you.....this is going to be a long winded blog!! I have so much that God has stirred up in my heart today, and I just know that it will encourage someone, or maybe it will just encourage and remind me!! I want to hold on to moments like this!! Okay so here goes!!

I'm going to start with this evening! I decided that I was going to FINALLY plant the seeds that a friend gave me....oh let's see, probably 2 months ago!! Before doing that though, I wanted to weed the front real good and trim the bushes, which we have a lot of!! So I am pulling and clipping and I came across quite a bit of briars in so many random spots. We've never had these before, but I'm convinced that God put them there for this specific reason! As I am pulling them up, I learned real quickly (I know it doesn't take a rocket scientist) to pull the part right at the ground as to not get pricked, b/c that there hurts!! I was thinking about what I was doing, pulling all the bad and unattractive things away from the front. Also, I warned the kids not to touch those because those would hurt. As I am going through a change of seasons in my life, I feel like God is doing some "gardening in my heart". He is pulling the bad, unattractive, and hurtful things away from me, so that He can replace them with some beautiful seeds to bloom. This takes time and even the "pruning" that He does may hurt. But it was such a sweet thing to experience this. Many of the weeds had some hard deep roots and didn't want to come up, but I had to keep pulling harder and harder and actually cutting some of them. I feel like this is happening in my life.....there are things I don't want to let go of that God is saying to let go of, and He's having to work a little harder for me to realize. Not that God forces us to do anything, He loves us so much that He gives us a choice! But He sure loves us so much and knows what is the absolute best!! So I am going to quite having those roots, and the things that He is weeding out of my life I am going to let go and release to Him.....sigh, deep breath.....this isn't an easy thing. I do have to keep reminding myself that I have released things......especially people. I think this is one of the hardest things to release.....so many times we have friends and family that are such big parts of our lives, but we realize that they are only there for a season.....even with this realization, it often hurts.....but we have to trust God knows best......and HE REALLY DOES! So that was my gardening insight tonight!! I think God has given me a new love for this, for I know He has more to show me as I do it.....and it can be science for my children!!

Okay, back to my morning!! It was a pretty good morning, although I've been a little easily teary eyed the past couple of days.....think it might just be hormones!! My sweet friend, Lori, called and said she had something to drop by and it was a magazine called Above Rubies. She thought it had a few good articles that I would be interested in. Can I just say that God spoke to me in so many ways through these different women's testimonies!! I'm going to share the ones that jumped out at me and spill a little of my heart along with them!! To start off with, these are a few of their comments that they daily leave on facebook, speaking of, I need to add them on there!!

What is our attitude toward children? Even though we love our children we can often be irritated by them. Jesus said "Whoever receives this child in My name receives Me, and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me" (Luke 9:48). Isn't it amazing that God says the attitude we have towards children is the attitude we have toward Him? And I wonder what God thinks when we don't want to receive His children?" (All I can say is WOW.....I need to work on my attitude a little more towards my children)

Isn't it strange how opposite our culture is to the example Christ set? He said "Let the children come to me" and yet our society continually looks for ways to get the children out of our way. Set the tone by enjoying every child that crosses your path today and in this way you will also be following Christ's example.

Okay, so here were the two that stuck out the most above, but there were many, many more that I really liked!! Okay, next reality...God opened my eyes to realize this, and it was through an article, but I'm not going to share the article, I'm going to share my heart!

When I got pregnant with Jonah, our 3rd child, Hannah was only 5 months old. I had c-sections, so the drs were really concerned about me having another one so close. I let them "scare" me initially, but the Lord really shone through with every detail of the pregnancy and Jonah's birth! I know God has some big plans for him.....for all my children for that matter. With having 3 c-sections, we had to make a decision, and felt pressed too b/c of the drs. We prayed about it and felt at peace about having my tubes tied. I now, so many times, wonder if that peace was merely fear of continuing to have children after so many c-sections, b/c we let the "world" affect us and our thinking. As I sit here I can't help but cry and wish that I could go back and have a "do over" and not have that done. I'm quoting the girl from the article in saying this...."Despite many blessings, there are days I experience overwhelming sadness. I grieve the children I refused to have". I feel this way so often and it took this to realize what exactly I was grieving. I was too focused on my business, my body, our finances, everything except what God wanted for us. I don't beat myself up, but I do grieve. I do believe that God will give us another chance of multiplying by adopting....we don't know yet the time that will take place.....but we both feel it. I sometimes think if I would have had more children, maybe we wouldn't adopt, so that child might not have a home.......but I still grieve for those children that I refused to have......So now that I have been completely transparent and finally "confessed" all this, I can move on.....

I think we so many times get so wrapped up in the "picture" that we see of our lives and what will fit in that picture, and not see what God sees, and His "picture"......God help me to see what You see...

This other lady encouraged me with something she read. You know being a stay at home mom/wife is such a hard job. You lay your life down for others, but what a beautiful picture of Jesus this shows! Sometimes we try to get so busy in ministries and trying to do for the Lord and forgetting that when you have a family, they are to be your FIRST ministry! Here's the statement that she said "If God wants you to be a homemaker, and you spend your days washing dishes and changing dirty diapers, then by fulfilling His plan for your life, you are worshipping God." Today I really had to "lay" my life down once again.....and realize this is what God has called me to do, and it does honor Him that I am fully committed to training my children in the ways of the Lord!

Okay, there's so much more I want to share, but the next bit is quite long....so I will save it for another night!! I pray that you will be blessed and encouraged in reading this. I pray that as you come and go that your steps will be blessed and that God will use you in a mighty way as you take steps of faith and learn to fully walk in the trust of Him!!

Here are some pictures of the kids......one is waiting on the reptile man....and a few of the kids swimming! My babies have become like fish....the love to swim underwater!! I am so proud of them and their new confidence in swimming and in the water!! Noah's had the confidence for a while, but this is new for Hannah and Jonah....who only a few months ago didn't want their faces wet, lol!! Well, I've had 2 children join me and I hear another approaching my rooms, so I guess I should head off here and get some sleep!!