Happy Anniversary and Referral Day!!

It's been a few days since my last blog, and I apologize! We've been exploring and traveling, and it's been so much fun!! I'm going to back up a few days and share the things that have been going on!!

Thursday, July 5 was a very special day! This was the day we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary! God has blessed us so much these 9 years! Not only was it our anniversary, it was our first appointment at the ministry for adoptions, the SDA. Our appointment was at 10am, and as soon as we got there, we were whisked away upstairs into the office where we sat down with a young lady! She was very beautiful and very serious! We had to tell her a few things about ourselves, like our name, what we do, our biological children, what type of child we want to adopt, and how we met her! She then goes and pulls her file, where she tells us about our sweet Yulia when her parents' rights were diminished. We saw a picture of Yulia at 10 years old, and she looked much the same, yet so much younger! My heart ached at seeing such sweetness and youth that I'm sure was heartbroken as she was placed in the orphanage.

We finished up, and were told to come back the next day between 3 & 4 to pick up the referral! It took about 15 minutes, and was so much easier than I could have imagined....if only everything would be this easy! Of course having Natasha hold our hand every step of the way helped tremendously with this!! She has been like "mama Natasha", and we appreciate her so much!!

Here is a pic of us following our appointment after they said we could pick up approval, we are outside the SDA!! And here is our wonderful Natasha!!

Later that day, we decided to walk and learn more about the country! It was another day of walking about 5 hours, but I can't believe how much of the city we could see walking!! There are so many things to talk about, but I'll limit them here! More pics can be found on facebook to see more of our sights!!

We walked through another beautiful park, it's unbelievable how much the government in Kiev tries to take care of the city, and the way it "looks". Because it was our anniversary, Natasha took us to the bridge of love. It's a short bridge, and it's filled with locks. When a couple gets married, they place a lock on the bridge. Or if someone is in love, they tie a ribbon around it symbolizing their love for one another! It was really sweet to see, as I'm such a visual person! We didn't add a lock to it, although we should have!!

We decided to take a tour of the water museum in the park! It was a very neat tour to find out about how water is moved throughout the city to homes, and when it started, etc, etc, etc!! It was a neat tour, and at the end there was a place to play! Now I think about my children and how much fun they would have had in this part!! So........Natasha and I decided to have so fun, lol!! Here we are enjoying bubbles, who wouldn't want to catch a bubble and be caught up in one, right,  and sitting on the throne!! Of course, the throne Jarrod had to take part in too!!

Our friends, Rachel and Scott, had shared pictures of a yummy looking restaurant to try, and we figured this would be the perfect day as a celebration meal! I've been so proud of us, trying some different things while here!! This was a very yummy dinner, followed by yummy dessert! It was a treat for us, and we went all out, of course it was our only meal "out" for the day, so we had to make it great!! We're thankful for Natasha helping us to order, so we know what in the world we are getting, lol!! Many restaurants here have menu's in Russian and English, so I can read them! Even then, we need help sometimes!

Here is pictures of our food and dessert! And of course, here's the love of my life, celebrating 9 wonderful and blessed years of marriage!!

After dinner, we decided to walk more and explore! There are many different artists throughout this region, and it's neat to see their take on things! Some are a bit humorous, while others are just plain beautiful! We went past a beautiful playground, which my children would LOVE to play on! Even I wanted to play on it!! Then Natasha took us down to the bottom of the hill, to the most beautiful part of the city! It is a very old part that they are renovating and it is absolutely beautiful! I've decided that I want to invest in an apartment here one day! One advantage would be to help other couples have a place to stay when coming to adopt, but also for me to come and visit whenever!! So enjoy the pics here and the beautiful artistic creativity!!

So our anniversary was a "one of a kind", one we will never forget! I'm thankful that not only is God blessing our family by giving us another child, but He sent us on a trip of a lifetime!! He is so good, and I will give Him praise always!! If you want to see more pictures, go to my facebook page! I will have more information on all of them soon!! Be blessed my friends! More blogs soon to come!!

Step by Step!!

Our first full day in Kiev was a beautiful day! We were prepared for the walking we would do, so we told Natasha to bring it on, lol!! We were able to sleep in a bit to try to catch up! We forgot to switch around our times......we are used to calling Yulia later in the day, and it's kind of weird switching it up! So we called mom and dad at like 3 am yesterday, lol!!

We started off by checking out the town! Jarrod and I love history and listening to all of it, taking it in! The bad thing for me, I don't remember all those little details, but there are always certain ones that stand out! I won't put all the different things here, but I'll share some! We walked a total of about 5 hours yesterday and I drank more water in one day than I think I ever have! It was wonderful though, b/c we had our walking shoes on!!

We started off going by St. Andrews church. The panoramic view of the city is beautiful! We didn't go in the church b/c we weren't appropriately dressed, but we are going to try to make it back! We continued on looking at all the beautiful scenery! Honestly I had no idea that Kiev was this beautiful! It's so funny to realize that while we are all human, things can be so different here! There are streets made of cobblestone, and they are very small; making the parking limited. So cars park on the sidewalk! It's different to us, but it's natural here! I'm loving learning a different way of things!

Pictured above is St. Andrews church, the panoramic view of Kiev, Natasha Jarrod and I, Jarrod and I!

The parks here are a big priority. I believe Natasha said 60% of Kiev is parks, but I'm not 100% sure that I'm quoting that right, and she's not here right now to ask, lol!! As we were walking, we passed this beautiful ballerina statue! There are a lot of old trees in Kiev. These trees were in the way of some of the transportation, so the city started to cut some of them down. A local artist asked if he could make statues out of the trees, and they are so beautiful! We saw one of a ballerina and one of a hedgehog! I'm going to post the pictures, but first let me tell you the cool story of the ballerina! There was this famous known ballerina here. She devoted her life to ballet, she never married or had children, and she worked really hard on her career and teaching others about the art of ballet! She was older when the artist made these, but the people in her building requested they make this in honor of her! She couldn't walk down to see the statue when it was completed b/c of her age, but she could see it from her window. How sweet is that! Anyways, here is the pics of the statues! The hedgehog is really awesome too! The part that looks like hair is nails coming out all around! Natasha and I were checking out this cute little guy on the last picture!!

We continued our walk, and learned many more fascinating things!! It was a wonderful day filled with beautiful scenery, beautiful talks, and just a wonderful day! We had a nice lunch and dinner, and we are beginning to try new things, which is a nice thing for Jarrod and I! We found our favorite, a pizza place, but we are venturing out with other things too!!

I love how God has brought us on this wonderful journey, and we are so thankful to have Natasha with us to help us understand everything! We are looking forward to the next few days here in Kiev taking in as much as we can on life here in the city!! Have a great day everyone!!

Ready, Set, Fly!!

Good morning friends or I guess there it's still just evening! It is 4:30am here in Ukraine, and it's already daylight! Although I'm limited in my sleep, I'm already up, at the moment, lol, and ready to go!! I'm going to back up this blog a couple of days, just to share things the Lord has done in our hearts as we are where we are now!!

As we prepared for our departure for Ukraine, it was very hard to even think about leaving our young children at home! We have worked so hard for the past 5 months to get where we are and knew that we would need to leave.....BUT now that it had approached, it was becoming harder and harder! I blogged some about Jonah and how he had been crying. The crying turned in to being kinda angry with us. Honestly I wanted to anger to be there instead of crying so I didn't feel so angry. And I know we all have our different ways of dealing with this, none of which are the right/wrong answer, just coping the best way we can! I messaged my wonderful friend and mentor Rachel, who at the very moment, her children and husband are about to fly home from Ukraine. I asked her if this was normal and asked her to pray, because she had to leave her 3 small children too when she traveled to Ukraine. She assured me it is, but there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. I am obeying my Father, just as my children obey their mother and father. Hello, light bulb moment, lol! It hit me, it's not like I am leaving them going on a 5 week vacation, I am going to obey what God has called me to do! Thank you Father for this sweet revelation!

Which leads to my next moment of realization! The Bible says to have no other Gods or idols before me. Do you realize that ANYTHING in our life can become an idol?? TV, computer, our husband, our children, having to have a perfect house, having perfectly behaved children, money, and the list goes on and on. Anything that is more important in your life than God is an idol. Most people don't realize these idols, b/c they still pray and spend time with the Father, but these "idols" get more of their attention. Now some of these seem weird, right? And how do I know?? Because at one time, I put Jarrod, my wonderful husband, on this big pedestal, and was seeking after his love and affection more than the Father. That was a hard time for me, b/c I felt like I loved Jarrod more than he loved me, and it was a bit of a struggle in our marriage, at least in my eyes. When I cried out to the Father, He showed me that my priorities were all wrong in my life. It is to be God, my husband, my children, , church, other family, friends, work, etc, etc, etc. (Now every one's priorities will be different depending on what God has shown them, but one thing that will be consistent in ALL Christians lives is that Christ is to be first!) Now when I came to realize what I had done in our marriage, and had put Jarrod as more important than Christ, then I repented, and went chasing after the Father! And guess what, all those feelings of me wanting Jarrod more than he wants me, and those struggles were washed away by the blood, b/c I had no other idols before the Father!

I've had moments where facebook has been an idol, treasuring to read what others have to say about me and to me, more than the things the Father wants to say to me! When preparing for this trip, and the difficulty it is taking to leave my children......the Lord showed me that my children were a bit of idols for me. As a mom of small children, your time with the Father can be limited and quite interrupted if not planned right. Now, the beautiful thing, is there is no condemnation in Christ. We have to be intentional in our walks with the Father, and plan that time, instead of all our time focused on our children. The Father is gracious to forgive us of those times we put other things ahead of Him, and He gives us grace to make those changes! Now if you know me, I would do anything for my children, including lay down my life for them! They were formed in my womb and are a combination of both Jarrod and I! While we are by far NOT perfect parents, our children are our heart! So leaving them, I felt like I was abandoning them, and this is such an uneasy feeling. (I also have realized the enemy's desire to interrupt my duty that God has called us to!). As we were preparing to leave, the Father said we have to lay down all other things before Him to be obedient to what He has commissioned us to, and this includes laying down being with our children for a few weeks! Wow, I count it an honor to be a part of Him changing the world, and not just things in "my little world". This was a sweet and hard revelation. I realize that my children had taken first seat to many things in my life, including at times God. While this will not be an easy 5 weeks, I'm excited about the reconnection I will have with my Father, and how being obedient to Him will shake the universe!! I am also excited about what the Father is doing in my children, realizing that there is sacrifice for love, and they will have a greater concept of this than many other children!

On Saturday, we did running around with the children and staying busy, it was fun and tiring!! I hate packing, and I really mean HATE!! It's hard to know exactly what you will want to wear and take, etc, etc, etc, and honestly 5 weeks is a super long time! I'm a simple stay at home mom, which a limited wardrobe, so here's to hoping I'm dressed okay, lol!! Back to Saturday.......the children have a little pool on the back porch, in which they always want us to come swim. We never want to, b/c it's so cold from getting no sun! That weekend it was a scorching 105 degrees, if not hotter! So we decided why not have some fun with them? Jarrod and I both jumped in the pool, and we had the most amazing family time ever! It almost brought me to tears, just watching our family play and have fun, and realizing just how different our lives will be in a few short weeks. God knew we needed that, we needed that extra time together, and He granted it in a sweet and joyful way!!

Sunday, we prepared for it to be a "hard" day as we said goodbye to church family, to mom, to other friends, and it would be our "last" tuck in at bedtime for a while! Church was amazing, and I found myself weeping during most of worship. When I first started crying, I slipped out and went to the restroom, where I'm being honest, I wanted to stay the whole time. I don't like others to see me cry, and I wanted to keep it together for my children. So I prayed and the Father told me it's okay to cry, and for others to see me this way. I am His child, and my tears are just an expression of the many emotions I feel (happiness, sadness, the unknown, blessings, etc, etc, etc). So I went back where I needed to be in worship, and did just that, had time with my Father in sweet surrender to what He's called us to in our life right now! I cried the whole time pretty much, and my sweet Hannah and Jonah wanted me to hold them and kept asking why I was crying? All I could tell them is that "I love God, and I love them". I didn't want to add to their anxieties and sadness even more, I'm there to protect them! Our sweet church family prayed over us and sent us off. It was a bittersweet thing, as I am now in a country where I only know one other person here that speaks my language! (I'm sure there are more, but she's all I currently know!) Following church, we headed to mom and dad's for lunch and to say our goodbyes! Dad made us all cry during the lunch prayer, as we are all learning to deal with this in a different way, and lately crying seems to be one of them! But please understand, all our tears aren't bad, they are tears of joyfulness, knowing that the Father is doing something in all of our lives, and He is blessings us so much we are overjoyed! We enjoyed time with them, and we all did great leaving, including mom! I think her and I both kept it together, all though I know we've both had those moments of crying! I will miss her more than she realizes! I love calling her while she's headed home from work, that's my phone call I look forward to in the afternoons, and it helps her get through traffic, lol!! But we will survive this little time away!

Sunday night we picked up a quick dinner, and wanted to have some time together! We decided to let the kids stay up late and we snuggled and watched Soul Surfer. It so nice to be reminded that we all have different paths that the Lord has called us to, and none of them were promised to be easy! The snuggles were great, and we all had a wonderful time following the movie in talking and prayer.....and being tucked in! Jarrod and I stayed up and finished getting our bags together, well, let me re-phrase that......I needed to finish getting my bag together, lol!! Every night right before I go to bed, I go check over the children one last time and pray over them. Well that night, it was much harder, and not only did I, but Jarrod did. We did so separately, passing each other in the hall, switching rooms, lol!! I'm sure we both cried doing this, then we went and sat on our bed, and we both just cried together. This part is so much harder than we thought it would be. We prayed together, and decided we need to get some sleep.

I woke up Monday morning early, followed by a couple of wonderful boys! We went and grabbed a special treat for breakfast "Dunkin Donuts", oh my which is sounding really good about now, lol! We had breakfast all together, and just reassured them of how much we love them, and how much we'll be able to talk to them, and see them, etc, etc, etc!! About 9:30 my wonderful friend, Lori, and her 4 children arrived! We knew this would be good for them to be busy and distracted as we get ready to leave! The moment her kids walked in the door, our kids were ready to swim and play! We talked a bit to Lori, then prepared to leave! We took a pic, and the kids were off in the pool. We were like wait, we need big hugs. So we got our hugs and kisses, and our kids were completely fine! Lori gave me in a hug, in which I lost it followed by Jarrod. We went outside to talk with her a bit, and we hoped the kids didn't see us. We cried for a good bit, and I have to be honest, that was the hardest thing I think I've ever done in my life!

We picked up dad at work, and he dropped us at the airport! We said goodbye, and so started the busyness!! I'll be honest, I had my anxieties a little about traveling, b/c the one and only flight I've ever been on has been to Boston (a 2 hr flight) and that was 8 years ago! Now, here we were going to another country, changing planes 3 times, and spending a little over 12 hours in a plane (which was better than the 18.5 I originally thought!). How in the world was I going to deal? Well, I did just fine! We changed planes with no problems, and very little delay. We flew from Atlanta, GA to Newark, NJ, from Newark, NJ to Frankfurt, Germany, and from Frankfurt, Germany to Kiev, Ukraine! We only had 2 hour delays at each airport, which meant we get off one plane, go check in, go through security, and wait about 30 min before our next flight! That 2 hours seemed to be a good amount of time! Praise the Lord I had no problems flying, even being stuck in the middle aisle, us squeezed in between 2 men for an 8 hour flight! I was really hoping for sleep, but it wasn't there!!

Another sweet moment while I was flying and praying! The Lord reminded me of how many WONDERFUL friends, and family we have loving on our children while we are gone. We have mom and dad who will be with them almost everyday, we have our wonderful friends: Lori, Kelley, Chelsea, Ryan, and Linda! There will be others that we will be filling in, but these are the ones on the regular schedule, so please in your praying, lift them up! We wouldn't be going without knowing that our children are in good hands! So it dawned on me what we are doing here! God has called us to go get our sweet Yulia, to love on her during this time alone with her. We will get to connect with her and show her a love that I don't know she's ever experienced. How cool is that?? But the beautiful thing.....while I'm gone, it's not like my children are sitting around just crying. They are being loved on and having fun with friends and family that they KNOW and love!! It was such a sweet thing to realize I'm not just leaving them, God has ALL of us covered, even being countries apart!!

As we arrived in Kiev, there was crazy traffic getting to our apartment, made us feel completely at home, lol! We saw our friend Scott, and his two children Tanya and Viktor, walking on the street! We were hoping for dinner with them, since they are right now at the airport heading back home to Alabama! They are on the final leg of their journey, bringing their children home! So they welcomed us, came over, helped us unload, filled us in on some tips, then let us rest a little! So we got a little rest and got dressed to head for dinner! My beautiful friend Natasha arrived, a woman I have grown to love! We met Natasha back at Christmas in America, and she has held our hand every step of the way in this journey. She is not only our facilitator and translator, she's our friend who I am looking forward to spending time with!! So we all headed to a great pizza place for dinner, then said our goodbye's!!

We were able to finish our evening skyping with our children, which was great! They were with Kelley, and we prepped her that it might be hard! Noah was so busy playing, he just popped in for a moment to say hi, Hannah was all giggly and smiling, and Jonah said a few things, then just watched! He looked a bit sad, but Kelley messaged afterwards to assure me that he perked right up after we finished! We knew he had a hard time at bedtime, so we weren't sure how he would do!

So here we are, this will be our first full day in Ukraine, it's 5:36 am. I'm sure I didn't get enough sleep, and I'm watching my sweet hubby get his rest, but I'm ready to get this journey started! Today is independence day, which isn't celebrated here in Ukraine, but Jarrod and I very much do in our hearts celebrate our freedom! We will make a day of sight seeing and walking and taking in the history of Ukraine! I'm very excited about this! We haven't yet seen our sweet Yulia! :( She's been at camp, and we haven't talked to her in 2 weeks, so that's been hard! Thank goodness for Tanya, because she was able to get her on the phone yesterday and we were able to talk to her!! She's ready for us, and we'll get to see her next week!

Thank you all for following along with us on this journey! My goal is to try to update every other day, if not every day! They won't be as long as this one, as it was a few days worth! Please keep us in your prayers! Specific prayers that we need 1)peace for ALL my children and Jarrod and I 2)blessings, peace and grace on all those caring for our children 3)favor in Ukraine as we begin this process 4)that the remaining $4500 we need to complete everything will come in His perfect timing! Be blessed my friends and I'll be back soon!!

The first pic of our family right before we left for Ukraine! My children are such a blessing, and sweet Yulia is included in that blessing.....and soon she'll be in all our pics too!! The bottom is our friend Scott and his son Viktor! Please join us in praying for the Lawry family as they will be reunited as one big family on July 4! How appropriate, Independence Day!! God Bless you all!!

And the tears have began!

We knew when we started this journey that we were waging war on the devil. We knew we would be fighting a spiritual battle, for we are saving a child that the enemy thought he had in his hands. We knew we would face many emotions along the way......but did we really KNOW what we were stepping in to??

The past probably month or so, I can't seem to turn off the floodgates that I call my eyes. I've cried tears of frustration, tears of happiness, tears of hurts, tears of joy.........tears, tears, tears!! Not many see these tears, I've always been good at hiding them! :) But lately it seems that more have seen them than not! But tonight isn't about my tears!!

It's about my sweet little Jonah's tears. Ever since we've known our travel date, he has been very persistent that he's going. After we talked a little last week, we decided not to make a "Big" deal about it, b/c he expressed his desires last week.....and that's either that I stay here or he goes. I've been dropping little things like "you're going to be going to this person's house" or "while I'm gone you're going to have so much fun", etc, etc, so he didn't really think he's going with me. There's been a few behaviors because I know he's adjusting and trying to process all that's happening! Noah and Hannah seem fine with everything.....at least at the moment. Jonah is the baby, and has never been away from mom other than 2 nights, so this will be a big deal for him!

Tonight after getting everyone in bed, Jonah comes out and says I want to tell you something. He said "I'm going to follow you when you go to Ukraine." This is said fighting tears back. I told him to come here, and he ran to my arms. I said "You know I love you right?", to which he plowed his face into my chest and started crying. I told him how much I love him, and how much God loves him, and how much daddy loves him. I kept reassuring him that all would be okay. Then I talked to him about Yulia. I explained that she had no mom or dad, and needs a family to love her. I asked him if he loves her and wants her to be in our family, he shook his head yes, As I kept talking and reassuring him of everything, his face remained in my neck, with a tight grip around my neck, and crying. This went on for a good 30 minutes, while I rubbed his back. After talking to him, I just prayed, and I think that made him cry even more, so I prayed in the spirit quietly. I tried to look at him, but he's so much like me......he didn't want me to see his face.

As we sat longer and longer, I began to cry. I began to question what kind of mom I am to leave my children. I questioned what am I doing, I am completely uprooting all that we've worked so hard to make stable. I have 3 children who love me so very much, that they are willing to share me with another child to call their sister, and to call my child. They didn't realize what a sacrifice this would be....in fact, neither did I? I didn't realize the effects that all of this was going to have on ALL of us, not just Jarrod and I! Does all this mean that I regret our decision to adopt, ABSOLUTELY NOT! We simply answered God's call to James 1:27, and He completely put Yulia in our hearts! As I was crying I looked up at her picture on the shelf, and realized that it's all going to be worth it, and it's all going to be okay!

I realize that many of my thoughts were the enemy's way to distract me, to knock me off the tracks. He doesn't want us going to Ukraine, he will do whatever he can to stop us. He thought for sure we wouldn't have the money to do it all, and now it's coming in, so he's trying another strategy. You know the enemy's plan is to steal, kill and destroy. Well, not here! I'm recognizing the spiritual warfare we are in, and I'm taking my place ready for battle. I'm so thankful for all my intercessors that we have praying for us, and I know that they will continue to battle for us and with us!

I know that my children will have different ways of coping with the separation, whether it's crying, behaviors, whatever it is. I'm praying for grace and peace as they do. Every night as I lay my children down, I pray peaceful and restful sleep over them. Well, tonight I prayed for an extra abundance of peace over them, I know Jonah will miss mommy, but he has the same Holy Spirit in him as I have in me, so I asked the Holy Spirit to grant peace to his innermost parts! And I know the Father hears my prayers, and I know that He loves my children, ALL of them, even more than I do!

This afternoon, as I was battling some of the questions about what are we doing, etc, I also questioned who am I that God is sending? I'm not anyone special, just a simple girl. But the Lord told me that I am so much more than that. He created me in my mother's womb, He knew me before I was even formed, He created me fearfully and wonderfully, He sent His son to die for me, He created me in His image, no one else can love Him like I do, there is no one like me to sing praises to His name, He created me to be Yulia's mom. Wow.....how Great of a God He is to love on me this much! The words are endless when it comes to the Father's love for His children. And I am overwhelmed at His love for me, and His daily affections that He pours out on me!

We are walking this journey that God has called us to, and as my friend Rachel said......"I will count it an honor to suffer for Christ". I never thought I would have said that, and I have my weak moments where I'm not so sure I can suffer anymore. But I have an amazing Father to carry me those moments that I can't walk. And He's given me an amazing husband, Jarrod's amazing parents, and amazing friends who are battling with us! I count it an honor to have them all by our side, suffering with us on this long and hard journey. I know the end will be beautiful, for God has written our story perfectly!

The first picture is a recent one of the children and I.....being goofy! The next ones are of the children about 3 years ago that a beautiful friend, Shawna, took of our family! I know they are much bigger now, but in my eyes, they are still this small!! And last, but most definetely not least, my sweet girl that I will be holding in my arms in the very near future!!

Be blessed my friends, and as you finish this blog, please say an "extra" prayer for us tonight! I know many of you are already praying, and I'm so thankful for that!! God bless you!!

Rising above the pain.......

We were so excited to plan a trip to Alabama (home) before our trip to Ukraine! I feel like it was God's gift to me to say goodbye for a little bit! We have these wonderful friends, Bill and Kim Holliday, and they welcomed us into their home, "The Holliday Inn" for the weekend!! We always enjoy visits with friends and family, and this weekend is no exception!

Reasons for our visit were numerous, and as I type, we still have one more day to go! One of the reasons for the visit, and pretty much the main one, was to visit my mom. We found out a month ago that she has breast cancer. She's either in stage 3 or 4, we will know a definite on Monday after the scan. I love my mom, and am thankful she gave me life. However, we are not close at all. Because of mental illness, there has been a distance between us since I was 15 years old, maybe sooner! My children have only been around my mom only a handful of times, and honestly they don't know who she is. This is sad, right?? I've felt it's necessary to guard my children from certain things that I experienced in my childhood, and Jarrod agrees fully! So when we heard this news, I felt an urgency to spend time with her before we leave for Ukraine! Regardless of the lack of closeness, she is my mother and I love her! It so happened to work out that a few things were going on this weekend, and we had nothing pressing in Georgia, so I figured we would come visit! We arranged things with my sister to meet for a play date with the kids while us adults talked! I wanted to allow my children time with my mother and I wanted time with her! I didn't want anything to happen while we were in Ukraine, and me regret my lack of relationship and time with my mom.

When we arrived at our destination to meet, my sister pulled up.........without my mom. My mom had decided it was more pressing for her to go swimming because it could possibly be the last time before she started chemo. I got stood up, rejected for swimming. At first I was very, VERY ticked off, and said "I'm done, no more, I'm not doing this again". Then after getting that frustration under wraps, the pain of what just happened started sinking in, and it hurt, REALLY BAD! Now if you know me well, I usually do a good job at hiding my hurt (I even hide it from Jarrod), although lately I do feel like I am a ball of tears! The thought and feeling of rejection sunk it, and I questioned why God would allow this to happen. I went out on a limb, even telling my children that we would see my mom, Grandma Susan, so they had questions that I had to answer.

God so gently comforted me, as He always does, and gave me a glimpse of what our sweet girl must feel like! I'm not one to believe in coincidences, I believe in God's divine plan and intervention! I think about the timing of us coming right before our trip, and some of the things we will be dealing with while we are making an adjustment to a new child, who has been abandoned and left, and I'm sure felt rejected. Now my life hasn't been anything like her life, thank God I was always with family, but I KNOW the feelings of rejection. I think God allowed me this (yes, I just said allowed, He didn't make it happen, but He's using it to grow me more!), so that I will have a better, deeper, and fresh understanding of what our sweet Yulia is feeling or has felt. I believe that my compassion will grow greater and greater for her, b/c I have a glimpse of what she's feeling. Wow, what a hard thing to learn, yet a very needed one to remember!

A bit later we spent time with other family, aunts and uncles celebrating a birthday! I love getting together with my family! Although we have times that are completely not the best, we also have a great love and respect for each other!! Jarrod and I have sort of become the "weird ones"! We are the first ones to adopt, internationally at that, and we home school, and we attend a full gospel church, and well........we just feel different sometimes!! Because of my relationship with my mom, the Lord has given me amazing spiritual moms all throughout my life, and I'm very thankful for them!! I have two aunts that have always played that role, and then there are those moments that them and I didn't see eye to eye! I've recently had some distance with one of them, and although it has been hard, I realize once again God is teaching me something! Tonight, God brought something to mind. The one particular aunt that has pulled away has done so because she is scared for me and doesn't know how to respond, except to pull away! She's scared of me traveling to another country for weeks, knowing how "naive" I am and having to leave my babies here for so long, she's scared of what my life will entail with a teenager in the midst of my younger children. I realize that her withdrawal from me, is really an act of love, b/c she doesn't know what else to do! What a crazy and beautiful thing!

So that being said, I have very little family that is "supportive" of our adoption and our daughter. Jarrod's parents, mom and dad, have been phenomenal, and I am so appreciative of them! They ask us when their granddaughter is coming home, calling her what she is.......our daughter and their granddaughter! I have so many friends that have been at my side through this whole journey! So although I don't have blood family support, the Lord is showing me that "family" is something that isn't always blood! I consider my friends my family, b/c we are all of the heritage of the Lord, and as my children say "Christ Sisters and Brothers". My family line is much deeper than blood, for we have the blood of Jesus in our veins! How fitting for this revelation, because my daughter may not have come from my blood or my womb, but I love her just the same as my birth children! God is so good in these sweet things!!

Now before you go judging me, I have forgiven my mom! I realize that she may have been scared to see me b/c she's dealing with all the emotions of this brutal illness, and at the same time battling a mental illness. I did what the Lord urged me to do, and gave of myself! Will I be guarded, absolutely, b/c I feel the Lord gives us wisdom and discernment. But I will love her just the same, b/c she is my mother, and the woman that God chose to bring me into this life!!

Well, I hope that this will somehow minister to someone that needs it! I know that God is preparing me more and more daily for this adoption journey that we've only just begun! I'm excited, scared, anxious, joyful, nervous, grateful, and so many other things...................all at the same time! I'm honored that God called my family to this, and if I have to learn some hard and painful lessons to help me grow in my faith and love in Him, they by golly, bring it on!! Be blessed my friends!

Stepping out of the boat.....

We all have different journeys that our short lives take us on. God has ordained each of our steps that we need to take, and we choose whether to walk in those, or walk away from those! Either decision is not easy! Walking with God is a constant step of faith, and walking away from His perfect plan makes your life a complete hell! I can't imagine not walking with the Lord! With each step I grow more and more in my love for Him and faith in Him! Each step gets harder, but it's so worth it!

I have been thinking a lot about the task set before me, and I smile and cry at the same time! This is the HARDEST thing I've ever walked in (and it's only just begun!!). I've had different things hit me in my life that were hard, but each one seems to be a little harder! I had a short childhood, growing up much faster than others my age bc of illness and a need of me being more responsible. I left home at 18 (maybe not in the best way, but I left), and that was a bold move for me. I walked away briefly from many family members during the preparation for my wedding, bc of lack of love and encouragment. Thank God for reconciliations!! But each of those things were more difficult than the one before them, but I kept pressing on! Not saying they were all things of the Lord, but they were steps that I felt I needed to take at the time! I can't sit and regret things, b/c then I can't move forward. God has taught me from each of these things, and many other things, and I have grown in my walk with Him, and my trust in Him!!

So I feel like I have "stepped out of the boat" so to say, but never like I am now! I know that the Lord imparts faith on people, and He is constantly increasing our faith as we are seeking Him! I honestly feel like Peter right now, about to step out of the boat! Peter didn't know what He was doing, Jesus just told Him to come out to Him, and Peter walked on water! We have no clue what we are doing! We are taking steps that we never have before.

I'll be honest, I am looking down at the water and my faith is wondering how all this is going to happen! We've raised half our funds for the adoption and still have half to go. We have money that we are awaiting to arrive in our account (we know it's coming, that isn't the big faith part). Until that money arrives, we can't buy our plane tickets. We were just told that the $ won't be in our account until next Wednesday, June 27 and we have to fly out on Monday, July 2. So I am "freaking" out a bit and wondering how all this is going to work out. I'm not sure I can purchase these tickets that close to our departure, bc we are getting special humanitarian tickets. So I am crying and wondering, and not sure about anything at this moment!

In addition to this money coming in, we need about $8000 more. So far, a little has come in, but we still have a ways to go! I have no doubt that God has called us to this. I have received numerous words that He is going to do this, but my faith is wondering how?? We are 10 days away from leaving, and so far, we are still STUCK right now. Lord, help me to trust in You, dry my tears, and turn my mourning into laughter. I had a few more things on my heart to write, but the phone call mid-blogging disrupted my thoughts.

Be blessed my friends!

July 5 ~ special in more than one way!!

Good afternoon friends! I am sitting here with one sweet boy asleep beside me while the other two children play quietly in their rooms! I would love to say today has been a perfect day filled with me being a perfectly attentive mommy, but honestly I haven't been! My mind has been a thousand miles away as I have pondered some pretty awesome news this morning!! (I'll get to that in a moment!)

You know each year, there are anniversary dates for many things......maybe a marriage, a birth, a date of overcoming an obstacle, the day you found Christ, etc........and all of these are important to people in different ways!! I love celebrating our anniversary, because it's a reminder of how much God loves me! On July 5, 2003, Jarrod and I were joined as one! When we married, we said our vows for better or worse, and we meant that! I don't think when anyone makes those vows they will ever know what life will have in store for them! You never know the joy, pain, laughter, tears, hurt, frustration, love, or excitement that your lives may have laid out on the path called marriage for you! The one thing that we knew, was that our foundation had to be on Christ, and without it, our marriage would crumble. So we haven't taken lightly to our marriage and the unity that it brings us through Christ!

Each year has been celebrated differently, and some a little more fun than others! Jarrod and I enjoy the simple things, like hiking, watching a movie, or just having a nice quiet dinner together! Since we've had 3 children during the first 5 years of our marriage, those first anniversaries were celebrated really simply!! We love it regardless of how "glamourous" it may be, just the time that we get to spend together! I can honestly say that Jarrod is my best friend!!

Last year we celebrated our 8th anniversary, and it was really sweet!! Mom kept the kids so that we could get away for the weekend! Jarrod made the arrangements, and we set off for a bed and breakfast in Toccoa, GA! It was a sweet little town with a beautiful waterfall, an amazing history and a sweet quiet spirit there! It was one of the most refreshing weekends we've ever had before! We fell in love with the little town, as we fell in love with Christ and each other all over again! At that point in our lives, we were pondering adoption, just realizing that we have a calling for it! We even found a building that we claimed up there for a children's home! I am still believing the Lord for this, although it might not be one that we run!! That building will be the Lord's!! So as I look back at our lives a year ago, it brings a smile to my face to see where God has brought us from there!!

We are coming up on July quickly this year, and we knew that we would probably be in Ukraine during our anniversary time, completing our adoption! Well, we got news this morning that our appointment date is on our annivesary!! Thinking about this just brings me to tears to see just how much God's hand is on this adoption!! He loves Jarrod and I so much that He is honoring our hearts to please Him and add to our family by starting this on our anniversary! I don't know about you, but to me this is one of the most beautiful gifts that He could give to me!!

We now have so many details to work out, and things to prepare for! We are praying and BELIEVING the Lord for the remaining provision we need! He has promised us that it is coming, and we are standing on that promise! This morning, as exciting as that news was, I had my "freak out" moment! (I'm suppossed to be honest here, right?) I realize how close we are to this being final, I realize how close we are and how much we have yet to get! How is He going to do this?? My God will move mountains for me, I am convinced! And the date that is set for Ukraine to me is His promise to fulfil this! It's not up to me to figure out how He's going to do it, but rejoice that He is doing this!! A bit ago as Noah and Hannah were suppossed to be having "quiet time" I hear Hannah shouting "Jesus". I think she was just being silly, but the reality of what she was doing was like a wake up call. The childlike faith, just shouting the name of Jesus. It's that simple, all we have to do is shout His name, and all fear and things not of the Lord will depart!! So I am sitting here getting ready to shout at the top of my lungs! (of course I want Jonah to get his nap out first, lol!!)

I am so honored that God has chosen me for this journey, yet feel so unworthy and ill prepared! He is growing me so much during it, and I don't just mean growing my family! My faith is being stretched to a new level, and it's the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced! My patience is growing, as well as my letting things go that I can't control! My children are growing, in realizing just how much more love they have in their hearts! There are so many other things the Lord is doing, preparing us for all life has for us! I realize that I am a very positive person, and I look at the good things, not wanting to see the bad! I believe this is a gift, and I'm learning that no matter how "bad" things are, God is the answer, and He will guide me in the way He has for me! I know there are realities that go along with adoption, and I will embrace those and work through those as we encouter those, but I know ultimately who has the answer for these things that may come up!!

So, Happy Anniversary to us! This will definetely be a year that we will NEVER forget!! Tomorrow will be an exciting day as well! We get to talk to our sweet girl once or twice a week on the phone, but tomorrow we will be able to skype her and actually see her! We haven't seen her since she left in January, so this will be awesome! She is so excited as are we!! Thank you for sharing in our lives and our journey, and please continue to pray that God's hand will be on us every step of the way!!